


Knots

by Grimrippy, Omagatoki



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Abuse, Anal Sex, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Psychic Violence, Psychological Trauma, Self-Harm, Stockholm Syndrome, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-04-13 04:14:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 65,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4507377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grimrippy/pseuds/Grimrippy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omagatoki/pseuds/Omagatoki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follow up/sequel story to "From The Ashes"<br/>Aya finds himself at the mercy of Schuldig and his mind games.</p><p>"Aya cried out loudly at that forceful push, his body trembling and shaking. “STOP!” He couldn’t take the pain any more. It didn’t matter how well his physical body was trained. Nothing had prepared him for this. “Just shut up… shut up!” He yelled shaking his head back and forth." - Chapter 1</p><p>-Complete-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'll apologize right off the bat for infrequent chapter posts. The story is complete but I've been having difficulty getting the ball rolling on editing.
> 
> You do not need to read 'From The Ashes' to enjoy 'Knots' but it does help to give a better understanding of character relationship development. The timeline takes place after Kapitol and does not include the OVA or drama CD's but there are a few implied references scattered throughout.

     The air in the room felt cool against Aya’s skin.  As consciousness slowly started to filter in through the black haze of his mind he realized something was blocking his vision.  Some sort of soft cloth was covering his eyes blocking out all light.  His long jacket was missing and the hair on his bare arms stood up.  Another moment passed and he realized that his hands were bound as well.  It felt like he was tied to a chair.  His legs were also restrained keeping him very effectively from moving.

     Aya groaned softly, starting to tug against his bonds. Making mental notes of his surroundings as consciousness fully came around. A frown creased his brow and he swallowed hard. What happened? How did he end up like this? The events from a few hours ago were hazy at best. The redhead remembered closing up shop then getting ready to run a minor mission for Omi but after that his memory failed him.

     “Hello?” He finally called trying to find out who was in the room with him if anyone was there at all.  His ears strained against the quiet.

     Schuldig sat on a dusty couch facing his captive.  He had to admit he was pretty proud of himself catching the assassin completely unaware like that.  It had been so easy too; Aya had never known what hit him.  It took all his control not to start verbally taunting the other man but he really wanted to enjoy this.  He would let the other sit for a little while longer; let that nagging uncertainty fill him up until it permeated the room around him.

     The German had taken Aya to his current favorite little play area.  The abandoned hotel he and Farfarello had first brought Ken and Aya to so many months ago. 

     The hotel in its heyday it had probably been some sort of fancy getaway for those looking to stay close to the city. The building appeared to have not been closed for very long. Although the surrounding grounds were overgrown with weeds and a few windows broken out of certain rooms on the ground floor, the rest of it was still in fairly good condition.

     Currently Schuldig inhabited one of the larger suites on the top floor.  It was his little getaway when Crawford was being too much to handle. He also was betting on the fact that the other members of Weiß would not come looking for their missing comrade here.  After all, why would Schuldig risk using the same place twice?

     Aya’s ears were ringing in the silence as he started to feel the first icy twinges of nervousness run through his veins. He twisted his wrists in the binds; lean muscles straining at them testing for any slack. He had recognized the feel of the binding rope almost instantly and whoever had got the jump on him certainly knew their way around a knot. Aya felt his heart rate elevate and his breaths quickened. 

     “You better hope I don’t get out of this or you’re a dead man!” His threat sounded more like a defense mechanism than anything else.

      Schuldig had to suppress a little laugh. There was no way Aya was getting out of those bonds.  He was an excellent knot tier, having learned the basics himself.  The more complex stuff he’d learned from a Kinbaku master back in Germany.  The particular length of binding rope he’d chosen was a brilliant shade of scarlet and the thought had crossed his mind of just stripping Aya down and binding up all that white flesh artfully in it.  This though, simply being tied to a chair seemed more appropriate for the assassin somehow.

     The cool night air whispered through a large open window bringing in the first scents of an early fall.  Leaves had begun turning, their brilliant colors dotting the landscape with fiery reds and yellows.  The latest bout of rain cleansed the air making it fresh to the senses.  A bit of Aya’s hair clung to his cheek from the remaining moisture.

     Aya suddenly went still holding his breath forcing a sense of calm to the surface. He pushed his focus outward and caught the sound of someone breathing in the room. Panic stabbed at him momentarily. Did the others even know he was missing yet?  “I can hear you.” Aya said into the dark his voice low and tense.

     For a momentSchuldig was half tempted to not answer.  He was watching Aya’s body language intently waiting for those finely honed assassin skills to kick in.  There was something about watching the redhead go from panicked to cold and calculating in the space of mere moments that was fascinating.

     “Glad to see you’re finally awake.”  The German spoke Japanese fairly fluently but his accent gave him trouble with some of the enunciation.  It was a dead giveaway but he did not bother trying to hide it.  He wanted to see how Aya would react.  The moment Schuldig had a spare moment he had been trying to track the redhead down.  The little taste of him Schuldig had gotten before was just not enough.

     Aya’s body went from testing his binds to freezing like a deer in headlights. He knew that voice and the sound ran his blood cold. Schuldig was the last person he ever wanted to see again.

     “You.” His voice was low and dangerous. “What do you want?” He snapped, body pulling against his binds once more. He was trying desperately to squelch the panic rising in his brain. Realizing that the German knew what he was doing with a rope made things even worse.

     “With all that flailing about you’re just going to make things tighter.”  Schuldig stood, long legs carrying him the short distance between the couch and where Aya sat bound, his feet leaving little imprints on the dusty carpet.  He had not had a lot of time to clean up but that didn’t bother him too much.  He was just pleased the hotel had not been torn down already.

     The German stood maybe half a foot from the redhead now drinking in the other’s panic.  “Oh, I’ve got exactly what I want.”  His voice had dropped lower too but it was almost a purring sound instead of a growl.  He reached out with a long fingered hand to brush a strand of hair from the assassin’s cheek.

     Aya flinched when he felt the others touch; he had not been prepared for it and it startled his heart to pounding again. He was on edge and very tense, his lack of vision only aggravating the situation further. The redhead had stopped struggling though, his mind shutting out the fear in that way he always did.

     “Don’t touch me,” his voice hushed and cold. Guess this is the end of the line. There was no way the others would be able to track him down. Schuldig was too good to get caught.  He would have covered his tracks well.

     Schuldig grabbed Aya under the chin and forced his head up.  “I don’t think you’re in any position to be making demands.”  He let go roughly, dropping his hand to his side.  God the man looked so pretty it had to be criminal.  The German licked his lips slightly sensing the change in the redhead’s manner.

     “You better not be shutting down in there.”  Reaching into his breast pocket he pulled out a pack of his favorite cigarettes; Seven Stars.  Quickly lighting it he took a long deep drag and blew the smoke slowly out into the room.  The smell of tobacco mixed nicely with the rain.  “I’d hate to have to come in there after you already.”

     The German had picked up a little of Aya’s initial thought.  ‘Oh no, I’ve got much more interesting plans for you.’  He thought to himself as he eyed the other man.

     “Great.” He muttered. His shoulders slumped forward a bit and he turned his head away. Every inch of his body language showed he was guarding himself as he tried to empty his mind. “I probably don’t even want to know, but I guess here we are.”

     Aya felt more comfortable shutting down the fear response. If anything he was an ace at keeping his emotions in check. He knew it irritated his colleagues but it was a well-practiced survival technique he’d had to rely on in more than once instance. They couldn't do much about it though.  Schuldig on the other hand could.

     “Hn,” Schuldig let out a little irritated puff of breath.  “Have it your way then.”  The German closed his icy blue eyes letting his conscious thought slowly work out into the room.  It was something he had learned to do quite some time ago; this projection of his thoughts.  Somehow it was almost like another sense and the more he used it the more it had developed until he could delve into the minds of others quite easily.

     Schuldig pushed lightly at Aya’s mind testing him to see how he would react.  He actually didn’t want to have to go forcing his way in if he could help it.  Although Aya’s pain was sweet he didn’t quite want him passing out just yet.  It would be better for the assassin if he gave in.

     Aya was quickly trying to build up his mental barriers.  It was almost pathetically desperate, as if he thought he could somehow evade what was about to happen.  At that little push his muscles tensed up. “Stop trying to get in my head.” His voice came out in a gravely growl. Jerking his body against his restraints part of him knew it would be easier to give up but Aya was stubborn and a fighter. He didn’t give away anything easily. “You want to see me suffer or something?”  He spoke through clenched teeth.

     Schuldig released his pressure just a bit.  The redhead was going to make things tough.  Oh well, all the more fun to break him that way.  He walked around behind Aya his fingers dancing lightly over the back of the redhead’s neck.  Leaning down he whispered in his ear.  “Yes, your suffering is so sweet Aya.  I’ve never tasted anything quite like it.”  His tongue flicked out over the shell of Aya’s ear teasingly as if he could physically lap up the emotions.

     Before the redhead could catch his breath Schuldig slammed into his mind, ripping the thin veil that separated reality from everything else.  He knew it would cause Aya to convulse a little so he clamped one hand hard to the redhead’s shoulder.  There would be purple finger shaped bruises against that white flesh come morning.

     Aya frowned. “Great, but it’s mine. Go get your own.” He cringed as the other got in close to his ear, but it wasn’t much time to react before he felt that pressure crash into his mind. He threw his head back, arching his chest forward as his body shuddered. A loud cry tore its way out of his chest. “Get away from me!” He barely managed to yell the words before another cry of pain left him speechless.

     “You should have just let me in.”  Schuldig smiled wickedly while keeping Aya from tipping over the chair.  The German created little starbursts of pain in the other’s mind relishing the fact that he now had easy access to the assassin.  What a head rush and Aya’s resistance in the end made it that much sweeter.

     He began to poke around, sifting through Aya’s memories.  Looking specifically for those emotions he worked so hard keep at bay.  The fear was good, oh yes but Schuldig wanted to taste what other emotions the redhead was capable of as well.  “Hmm, what’s in here?”

     Aya’s lean body pulled at his restraints, shaking with the strain. He knew Schuldig’s tenacity; this was going to be a long night. Would he survive this; Schuldig’s plans were completely clouded to him. He suddenly felt very alone, very vulnerable. He hated it. He hated that feeling more than anything in the world.

     Schuldig smiled at the other’s realization.  “Yes, Aya you are very much alone here.”  His voice whispered like poison in the redhead’s mind.  “No one can help you.  No one can save you.  Why fight it so hard?” 

     The German began digging into Aya’s past.  He was so curious as to how this incredibly frigid creature came to be.  His sister was old news.  Just about everyone at this point knew about that weakness.  Although...Schuldig paused…if he could find out where Aya had sent her off too…”How is your sister by the way?”

     “Shut up. You don’t get to talk about her.” He said beads of sweat on his forehead sticking that red hair to his skin. “Just shut up.” His voice turned defensive and he started to rock back and forth in the chair as best he could with that iron grip on his shoulder. He had kept his distance from his sister because he knew he’d endanger her with the life he led. He wasn't about to let the German fuck that up.

     “Still a sore spot I see.”  He snaked the hand on Aya’s shoulder up around the redhead’s throat holding him firmly in place. “You know, she just looked so sweet lying there.”  Schuldig put the memory of him holding onto Aya-chan after their fight with Schrient in his head.  “Her body was so soft and so small.” 

     He could practically say anything he wanted.  The whole time Schwartz had been in possession of his sister she’d been safely tucked away for the ritual.  Aya didn’t know that though and it made Schuldig giddy.  He was having so much fun fucking with the redhead.

     Aya’s mind turned to ice at those words, tipping his head back a little as he felt that hand go up his throat. He bit his lip trying to drown the German out. He knew that Schuldig could say whatever he wanted to, and he refused to believe a word of it. There was still a paranoid nagging in his mind though. “Fuck off.”

     “That’s the best you can do?  I’m a little disappointed Aya.”  Schuldig breathed into Aya’s ear.  “I do like the way you say fuck though.”  He abruptly let go of the redhead’s neck stepping back away for a moment to take a drag off his cigarette.

     He almost didn’t need to be in Aya’s mind anymore, almost.  “You know, I’d love to send her a little present.  Just as a token of my affections.  She was after all very accommodating.”  He chuckled throatily. “Maybe I should send pieces of you to her, wrapped in pretty paper?”

     He wasn’t about to dignify that with a response and just sat there silently fuming. Aya opened his eyes under the cloth that still covered them; it was unnerving not being able to see where he was. The fear he’d worked so hard to shut down was now slowly being replaced with anger.

     Aya set his jaw, clenching his teeth and grinding them a bit. That German sure knew how to get under someone's skin.  Just the mention of his sister enraged him.  He couldn’t help that anger boiling over. He knew nothing he said or did would change the situation unless Schuldig got clumsy and Aya was able to disable him somehow. That wasn’t going to happen with him tied to a chair though.

     “Yes Aya, let it wash over you.  Let me feel how much you hate me.”  Schuldig walked back around to the front of Aya and sunk down a little before him.  He wanted to be at eye level.  Slowly he traced his fingers up Aya’s cheek then under the blindfold slowly pulling it up over those furious Amethyst eyes.

     Schuldig bit his lip that face almost taking his breath away.  He slipped out of Aya’s mind for a second caught off guard by that intense stare.  His eyes faltered briefly before he gained back his self-control.  He’d have to watch himself more closely or he would end up jumping the gun.

     “Well let’s see...if your sister makes you angry?  Let’s see what else I can find.”  The German pushed back into Aya’s mind again keeping eye contact with the other.

     Aya bit back a cry, not even blinking when the blindfold came off. There was so much rage locked in that amethyst gaze it would have scared most people. His fingers clenched down; hands balling into fists. He’d give just about anything to punch that smug face in front of him.

     “Do what you want.” He snarled. “You’ll find all sorts of things up there, but I’m not going to be passive about any of it.” His voice was strained from the German muddling around in his mind.

     “I wouldn’t expect you to be.”  Schuldig stood back up tossing the blindfold haphazardly onto the bed.  “Although, you could save yourself the trouble and just tell me these things.”  He began prying again into Aya’s past making it as excruciatingly painful as possible.  “Well now, that’s a pretty damn big wall.”  The German crushed his smoke out in a crystal ashtray that lay nearby on an end table.

     Aya closed his eyes tightly, drooping forward. His head felt like it was about to explode with all that prying Schuldig was doing. Every wall he tried to tear down elicited a grunt or a pained groan from the redhead. He cracked one eye open to watch the fiery haired man wanting to keep an eye on him, but the star bursts of light in his vision made it difficult to concentrate.

     Schuldig ‘taps’ at the wall with his fingers, “This one’s even bigger than the one you were keeping Hidaka behind.”  He half turned to look at Aya appreciating the look of fatigue on the redhead’s face.  “Yes, I know about that too.  It’s so painfully obvious that you’re trying to hide it from everyone, including yourself. But you know you could do way better than him.”

     He flipped a long lock of hair over his shoulder. “I mean common the man can’t be that great in bed.  No experience, he probably just fumbles all over you,” Again that sly smile worked at his mouth.  “You deserve someone who knows how to take care of that body of yours.”

     “Maybe I like a clumsy lover?” Aya spat out. “You don’t get to pretend to know me!” He was starting to grow tired; his hands opening and closing trying to ease the numbness. “You can read my thoughts all day and never truly know me.” The statement wasn’t a lie but his voice was losing some of that rage in it.

     He’d had plenty of more experienced hands on his body and honestly someone with less experience like Ken was refreshing for him. It was more endearing and meaningful to him that way. His hate filled eyes glance away to the wall, not wanting to look at the German any more than he had to.

     “You betray yourself kitten.”  Schuldig turned back to that very high wall again inside of Aya’s mind.  “What are you keeping back here?”  He could sense the other man wearing down and it pleased him. The German had to make sure though, had to make sure Aya was utterly broken.  The assassin just being worn out wasn’t going to be good enough.

     Schuldig pushed against that wall using the mental force he had so carefully trained and exercised over the years.  “Who said I wanted to know you anyway?  You think that’s what this is about?”  He scoffed, pushed one more time and the bricks of that wall started to crumble.

     “Then… don’t make assumptions… about me.” Aya’s voice was strained with his erratic breathing. Finally he could hold it up no longer and that wall started to fall. He felt like such a fool, he wasn’t careful just once and now look where he was.

     Tears stung the corners of his eyes. “Stop…” his voice was hoarse now, getting softer as he wore down.

     That last word sent a thrill through Schuldig and he stopped for just a brief second before sending the full force of his mind to absolutely demolish that wall.  Aya’s screams sounded beautiful in the dark night and drove Schuldig forward more harshly than he intended.  It seemed to have the desired results though.

     A quick flash came into his mind of Aya as a young man down on his knees in a dark alley.  The German’s heart thumped against his chest. Oh this was just too good to be true.  “Apparently I don’t need to make assumptions.  Did you turn yourself so cold because you couldn’t stand the taste of a stranger’s hot cock between your lips?”

     Aya cried out loudly at that forceful push, his body trembling and shaking. “STOP!” He couldn’t take the pain any more. It didn’t matter how well his physical body was trained. Nothing had prepared him for this. “Just shut up… shut up!” He yelled shaking his head back and forth.

     “It doesn’t matter.” Eventually his voice grew quiet and as he sat there his shoulders heaved with the effort to catch his breath. Aya knew Schuldig would find that part of his life and it sickened him. He wasn’t proud of what he had done, but his reasons had been altruistic. The intentions were pure, and that’s what he told himself to get by.

     Schuldig smiled smugly to himself.  Aya looked so beautiful covered in sweat and shaking like that.  He wondered just how far he could push the redhead tonight before he passed out.  The German took a step back from that place in Aya’s mind to get a better view of the whole picture, “How noble of you.  Oh, the things you did for her…” his voice trailed off softly for a moment as if reliving a fond memory.

     To be loved that much, Schuldig wondered what that was like.  Wondered what it was like to have someone completely sacrifice themselves for you.  It sent a stab of sharp pain deep down inside him and he suddenly retreated from Aya’s mind all together.  His lips pressed together in a tight line as he continued to look at the redhead.  He could feel the first tinge of jealousy begin to bubble up inside.

     Aya let out the full breath that he’d be holding when the other withdrew from his mind. He just focused on his shaky breathing for a moment or two before lifting his head and rolling his shoulders a bit. He had no idea why Schuldig suddenly withdrew like that, but he watched the German intently trying to interpret his next move. Something was wrong not that Aya cared, but if Schuldig’s mood went south he wasn’t sure what the man would do.

     Schuldig’s mood had definitely gone sour.  Suddenly he wasn’t enjoying himself quite as much as he wanted to be.  He watched Aya for a few moments more before turning to a large duffle bag placed at the end of the couch.  Once he’d gotten his hands on the assassin he had wanted to make sure there would be no way he could escape.  The German knew he would have to leave the hotel from time to time so it would be necessary to completely incapacitate his captive. He pulled out a small plastic box and a bag full of sealed, sterile needles along with a couple of individually wrapped alcohol swabs. 

     Aya watched him intently. He’d be stupid to not know what the German was doing. The relief he felt from no longer having Schuldig in his mind tasted bitter. He felt a pitfall in his stomach knowing that there would be no way for him to get out of this if he were drugged up while Schuldig was gone.

     He dropped his head, closing his eyes. The feeling of defeat ate at him and Aya hated that more than anything. He thought about Ken for a moment, knowing that the brunette would probably be pitching a damn fit right about now. He wasn't sure how long he had been out for but he knew it was longer than he probably intended to be away from the apartment.

     “I think you need some sleep.”  Schuldig’s voice was uncharacteristically flat. He walked back to where Aya was tied up sitting the supplies on the bed.  The German’s face was set like a stone, no emotion present whatsoever.  It’s like he had done a 180 going from overly enthusiastic over Aya’s pain to absolutely indifferent.

     Tearing open one of the alcohol swabs he grabbed Aya’s tied arm and swiped the crook of his elbow.  Aya’s veins would be easy to spot anyway under that creamy skin but with all his struggling they protruded beneath the surface like underground rivers.

     Aya looked away. He was beginning to wonder if he’d die in this dusty room. There was no way he could tell what Schuldig had in mind, but the change in his demeanor worried him more than anything. He didn’t know what was going on in the Germans head and a big part of him didn’t want to know. He knew that knowledge wouldn’t save him anyway.

     “I need some water.” He muttered in response to Schuldig’s comment. He felt very thirsty from all his screaming. He supposed if he was unconscious that wouldn't matter anyway though.

     Schuldig’s eyes flickered up to Aya’s, “In a minute.”  He let go of Aya’s arm and proceeded to open the plastic case containing two vials of clear liquid.  Drawing out one of the needles he opened the package, uncapped the syringe and stuck it in the vial drawing up the right amount of drug to give Aya a dreamless sleep for the day. 

     The German’s fingers wrapped back around the upper part of Aya’s arm as he stuck the needle into his vein.  He was surprisingly gentle with it and the redhead barely felt the prick.  Schuldig knew it would take a few minutes for the drug to kick in, but he’d have to work quickly.  Rising, he gathered his supplies and returned to the duffle bag disposing of the needle in a small sharps container. 

     The room had suddenly gone very quiet as the wind died down outside.  Pale dawn light filtered in through what remained of a gauzy curtain.  Schuldig pulled a bottle of water from the bag and walked back over to Aya, noting how the redhead’s breathing had slowed.  Twisting the cap from the bottle he tossed it aside.  One hand moved to the back of the assassin’s head, tangling through that vivid red hair.  He tilted Aya’s head back slightly and brought the bottle to his lips.

     Aya felt the drug racing through his veins; slowing him down. He was surprised at the idea of Schuldig being gentle at all, but he supposed he was thankful for that much. He tipped his head back and drank thirstily from the water bottle; his eyes glanced up at Schuldig for a moment. He managed to down half of the water before he stopped and tried to tip his head forward again. He was finding it hard to swallow and keep his eyes open, his head lolled to the side a bit. It wasn’t long before he was out cold.

     Schuldig stood there for a moment his fingers still wound up in Aya’s hair as he watched him lose consciousness.  That was one thing the two had in common, the ability to dampen emotional response.  The German however had a harder time keeping them held down.  He had learned over the years though when to remove himself from a situation to avoid exposing that weakness however.

     He set the half empty water bottle on the small nightstand then proceeded to untie the redhead from the chair.  Aya may have been lean but his years of training made his muscles dense, Schuldig however seemed to have no problem picking the assassin up and moving him to the bed.  He wanted to make sure Aya wouldn’t involuntarily hurt himself by flailing about in his drugged stupor.

     Placing one of the dusty pillows under Aya’s head he brushed his bangs aside.  The assassin looked like he was just having a peaceful little nap.  Schuldig didn’t bother to tie him back up.  Between the drug and Schuldig now having full access to his head there wasn’t much concern about Aya actually being able to get away.  Even if we woke up sooner than expected his limbs wouldn’t work well enough for him to be able to walk.

     The German pulled out several bags of snacks and left them next to the opened water bottle.  Aya would more than likely be ill for several hours if he woke and then be famished.  He didn’t leave much though wanting to keep the redhead’s strength low for the time being.

     Giving one last glance around the room Schuldig shouldered the duffle and closed the open window.  He definitely needed to get out of there for a while and get ahold of that pesky emotion called jealousy.  It wouldn’t matter in the end though; he had all the time in the world to break the redhead.  Schuldig closed the door softly and locked it then headed back out into the world to deal with his duties as a member of Schwartz.  As always there was much work to be done.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Aya was out for quite some time but when he woke he felt his stomach churn. Lucky for him he didn’t have much in it. When he tried to open his eyes and get his bearings the room spun. He didn’t know how long he had been out. The redhead tried to sit up but his body felt like it was filled with lead and his mind wouldn’t clear from the haze it seemed to be in. 

He decided lying still was the best option for the moment, otherwise he felt like he might be sick. It would really be a lot of dry heaving his stomach being empty by now but he didn’t want to risk it. It took a long while before his mind cleared enough to start remembering the situation he was in. He cursed softly to himself. Try as he might he couldn't seem to get his limbs to respond. Schuldig sure knew how to keep him from getting away. 

There was still some light coming in from the widow, albeit diffuse afternoon light. The room was chilly but the bed was warm where his body had been laying. It would be another couple of hours before Schuldig returned but Aya still wouldn’t be quite functional by that point. If he noticed the food and water next to him it might have confused him a little. He was definitely being held captive but whether or not Schuldig planned to dispatch him was starting to come into question.

Aya glanced up at the night stand, forcing himself onto his side with a bit of effort and reached numbly for the water bottle. He gripped it in his hand trying to sit up a little but ended up dropping the bottle to the floor. He didn’t want to eat yet but the water had sounded like a good idea. He cursed again and fell back on the bed.

Meanwhile Schuldig was wrapping things up at the penthouse with Crawford. He’d been unusually quiet all day but if the American suspected anything he didn’t let it be known. Schuldig was itching to get back to the hotel. Eager to see how Aya had faired throughout the day. He hadn’t slept but it didn’t seem to bother him. The German often would go days without sleeping under the right circumstances.

Finally they were done and Schuldig practically flew past Farfarello to get to his room and change. With his usual suit gone he put on something a little more practical and less likely to show blood stains. He grabbed for his duffle bag full of goodies from out of the closet.

Farfarello had a good idea what Schuldig was up too but the Irishman spent so much time around him that he picked up on things Crawford and Nagi often missed. He gave the other a wicked grin as he passed. Power to him, Schuldig obviously had a pet that was heavily in his thoughts. In less than five minutes he watched as Schuldig departed from the penthouse. He wondered briefly if the German was going to be gone all night again.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Aya had managed to prop himself up; leaning against the headboard of the bed. He was more alert now but his body still struggled to really do anything. His arms and legs felt like rubber. Whatever Schuldig had given in was pretty powerful stuff. Maybe he had double dosed him?

Schuldig unlocked the door with a soft click of the key. He was whistling a jaunty tune as he entered the hotel room. “Ah, Aya I see you’re awake. How’s your head?” There was sarcasm in his voice. He knew the man likely still felt like he had a skull full of gravel. 

He walked forward and dropped the duffle bag onto the couch where it had been the night before. The German had also brought in a couple of other items as well and pulled them from a large paper bag. For him to really get anything done the room needed some ‘amenities’. 

Sitting down two battery powered lanterns he flicked one on illuminating the now darkened room. He really wanted the chance to see Aya’s reactions clearly tonight. The rest of the bag contained various supplies that he would leave with Aya come morning so he just stowed the bag next to the couch for now.

“Yeah, like you give a shit,” he muttered. “I dropped my water and I’ve been pissed about it all day.” His voice was flat and low, eyes narrowed intensely at the German as he dropped that bag on the couch. He told himself he didn’t care what was in the bag but he eyed it from time to time. He tried to lift a hand to his face to brush his bangs from his eyes, his movements slow and sluggish. 

The German pulled another bottle of water from the duffle. “I’ll give this to you but you have to promise not to fight me on it.” Inside he was feeling giddy again. Aya sat there half propped up, red hair obscuring those amethyst eyes. It was really a pleasant sight for Schuldig. He also noted the bruises on Aya’s wrists from struggling against the rope bonds last night. As much as he might have wanted to tie the other up again he had to restrain. Depending on how cooperative Aya was would determine how the whole evening would go.

Aya shook his head a little as if still trying to clear the haze. “I’m not going to pick a fight with you over water. I’m thirsty.” He hadn’t touched the snacks at all yet; didn’t want to feel even thirstier than he already was. His eyes didn’t look away from Schuldig, eyeing the man distrustfully. 

Schuldig walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it his body just a few inches from one of Aya’s leather clad legs. “Can you handle it?” He proffered the bottle icy eyes moving over every inch of Aya’s body. It was difficult; he really wanted to get back into things but needed to see how the assassin’s body was metabolizing the drug first. He wondered if the redhead had any hallucinations upon waking up. The lab that Schwartz was working with was developing this new type of anesthesia and had warned him of the potential side effects.

He reached out for the bottle making and effort of gripping his fingers around it. It seemed he had a little better control of his extremities now. “What the hell did you use on me?” For several hours after he awoke the room spun in vivid colors and the walls looked like they were breathing. 

The German offered him a bit of smirk. “Now it wouldn’t be any fun if I gave away my secrets.” He scanned Aya’s eyes. It seemed the redhead had proper vision function even if some of the more minor side effects were still taking place. Schuldig was probably a trip to look at, that flaming orange hair all over the place. He reached his hand out to brush the hair out of Aya’s eyes. Things were so much easier when he was docile. Schuldig wondered how long that would last.

Aya’s nature was not docile by any stretch of the imagination. He wanted nothing more than to snatch out Schuldig’s eyeballs where he sat. Sadly he didn’t have it in him to move quickly. “Fine.” He frowned. It was obvious Aya’s eyes were locked on all that bright coppery hair of the other man. It wasn’t as vivid now as it would have been when he first woke up but it was still rather intense. He found he had trouble focusing on much else. 

Aya gave a light sigh; he really didn’t know what else to do. He knew what he wanted to do but he guessed he’d have to be somewhat accepting of his fate. He wasn’t sure what was going on in the German’s mind to be keeping him alive though.

Schuldig narrowed his eyes some. “You’re cute when you pout.” He got up the movement of his body rocking the bed slightly. Walking over to the duffle again he pulled out the length of that crimson binding rope. “Now are you sure you don’t want anything to eat? It’s going to be a long night.”

The grin that spread across Schuldig’s face was slightly terrifying. In reality he was testing Aya though. He just wanted to gauge the redhead’s reactions. It was obvious the drug still had a good hold over him and Schuldig didn’t want to wait too long to get him bound up again before it wore off completely. On the other side of the coin though, he wanted to give Aya a chance to recharge just a little bit. You see it was after all a give and take situation, at least in Schuldig’s mind.

Aya looked up at him. “No. I don’t want to eat.” He said flatly. He wasn’t looking forward to being tied up again either. His eyes rested on that crimson rope in the German’s hands. He still wasn’t sure what Schuldig was getting at and he wasn’t entirely sure why the man had such a fixation on him. He wished he had a better grasp of the situation to plan around it better. He cursed himself in his mind for getting stuck in this situation to begin with. Anytime he tried to remember how things went down his mind just brought up a blank image. He supposed knowing that wouldn’t help him anyway.

“Fine by me then.” He merely shrugged bringing the length of rope over to the bed, thinking perhaps just tying Aya up there would be better than bringing him back to the chair. “Shirts gotta go though.” Dropping the rope for a moment he pushed back on Aya’s shoulders collapsing him against the headboard. He could smell the fear left over on Aya from last night. He’d definitely need a shower by tomorrow.

The German pulled out a switchblade from his back pocket and flicked it open. He doubted the assassin would be cooperative in this. Pinning one shoulder still Schuldig moved the blade up under the edge of Aya’s black shirt. The tight fabric strained against the blade for just a moment before rending in two. He worked the knife slowly upwards just barely dragging the tip up Aya’s taught abdomen and chest.

Aya held completely still, he didn’t want to get wounded by that blade if he could help it. That black fabric was stark against his pale skin. His bare chest bore many scars, each having a story of its own; so many missions across so many nights. He held his breath trying not to flinch away from the blade and keep still. 

He let out a deep sigh when the shirt was fully cut, lamenting the loss of it. He had rather liked that one. Aya’s eyes left the blade coming up to look at Schuldig again. He was still giving him an intense, angry look but he wasn’t thrashing around or mouthing off. Either he was still too drugged or just didn’t care enough right now.

For the moment Schuldig wasn’t looking at Aya’s face. His eyes roamed over the scars on the assassin’s skin and he was fascinated. Deft fingers traced some of the ragged edges of scar tissue. “It’s a shame,” he spoke softly before dragging his eyes up to meet the redheads, “that I didn’t cause any of these.”

Quickly his hands ripped the rest of Aya’s shirt from his shoulders and flung the remaining shreds to the floor. “You know I’m only doing this for your own good.” Those hands found the rope where he had dropped it and started working at one of Aya’s wrists. The silken braid would feel cool against the assassin’s skin until it warmed to his body temperature.

“Oh?” He didn’t agree one bit that it was for his own good. Aya jerked his arm back feeling anger boil up in him. A deep frown marred his normally sullen face. “Fuck off” he muttered, still too weak to fight back efficiently. He was really starting to get his bearings about him again though. Enough of his strength had returned that he was able to yank his arm from Schuldig’s grasp.

Once Aya had managed to get his arm free Schuldig just hauled back and slapped him. “And here I thought you were going to behave.” His voice took on that steely edge again as he forced Aya’s arm up against the headboard, expertly wrapping the rope and then securing it through the decorative woodwork. He made short work of the other arm as well while Aya was still dazed from that slap. The imprint from Schuldig’s hand left a beautiful pink mark on the redhead’s cheek.

Aya’s head turned sharply with the force from that blow and he just left his face turned away. He had given a bit of a hiss at the sting on his cheek but that was about all that would come of it. The redhead hunched his shoulders up a bit, trying to take a defensive posture as best he could. The feeling in his legs was starting to return now and he tried pulling them up. Aya tugged a bit at the binds once they were in place but didn’t really put much effort into it. His wrists were already quite sore from his fit last night. 

Strong hands forced Aya’s legs back down onto the bed. “Do you want me to restrain these too?” Schuldig’s fingers dug into the leather of the assassin’s pants. The redhead’s attempt at defense stirred excitement in Schuldig’s belly. He was definitely getting somewhere.

He leaned back slightly, still keeping a firm hold on Aya’s lower legs. “Now, if you’re done being a brat we can have a nice little conversation.” The German really wanted to hear more about Aya’s sordid past but just like other things he wanted from the redhead he found he was starting to want it given willingly.  
Aya glared at him. “I’m not telling you shit.” His voice came out in a harsh growl. It seemed the drug was wearing off real good now and he was getting temperamental. He did leave his legs flat on the bed at least but that was about all the cooperation it looked like Schuldig would getting at this point. The German still had a lot of work to do on the pale man if he wanted any cooperation.

Obviously irritated by Aya’s behavior Schuldig gave a short sigh. “I guess I’ll just have to find more stuff out for myself then.” He closed those pale blue eyes sending his thoughts out once more; velvet tendrils of his consciousness caressing the edges of Aya’s own. The German didn’t have to make the experience painful. It was rather like sex in that way, he could choose to be gentle and make the penetration of one’s mind pleasurable if he so chose. He was giving Aya a little taste of the other side of things. Those strong hands relaxed slightly and moved up towards the assassin’s thighs.

Aya’s eyes fluttered closed and a feeling of confusion flooded the German. It was obvious that Aya was startled it wasn’t painful this time. A little bit of anger flared up that Schuldig had been hurting him for fun but that fact really was no surprise. The redhead's body relaxed a bit and he let out a soft sigh. Ken had been pretty heavily on his mind before Schuldig had returned. The brunette was probably doing everything he could to find him. A wave of sadness washed over Aya as he realized he may never be found.

The German savored this unnatural array of emotions from the redhead flushing images of Ken into Aya’s thoughts to bring out that sadness just a little more. It was subtle the way Schuldig was twisting his thoughts and the redhead didn’t pick up on it at first.

‘Maybe I’ll let you see him in the future?’ Schuldig teased in Aya’s head. ‘If you’re good, prove yourself.’ The fiery haired German wasn’t above bribery. If he could get Aya to behave the way he wanted he would reward him. After all being under Schuldig’s ministrations didn’t always have to be painful. There were perks to being his pet. Of course they were quite a ways off from that still and he didn’t want to spook Aya with the idea just yet.

Aya was now confused whether those thoughts were his own or not. He knew a lot of what the German was capable of but had a sinking feeling there was a lot more that he could dish out. His brow furrowed a bit with his uneasiness. Eventually he picked up on a slight tingling sensation behind his eyes and figured that Schuldig was definitely in there mucking around. “I don’t understand what you want with me.” Aya murmured his voice soft and unsure sounding now. Gentleness and pleasure wasn’t what he had come to expect from the other man.

Schuldig caressed the others mind sending a shiver of pleasure down through him, vibrating all the way to Aya’s lower back. He leaned forward to whisper in the redhead's ear. “I’m sure you’d love to know.” True, the German was enjoying playing with him but he knew that he had to break him down enough to be susceptible to those suggestions he didn’t think the redhead would take to easily on his own. 

The hands on Aya’s legs squeezed slightly, not an unpleasant sensation but enough to at least ground the redhead’s body in reality. “If you want me to answer your questions you’re going to have to answer mine first. Give and take, you know?” Schuldig’s accent was getting thicker as it tended to do when he was excited. If he got too worked up he’d end up slipping into full on German.

Aya’s eyes slowly opened and focused on Schuldig. “Why the hell do you want me to tell you? You can just go in and pick it out yourself.” He narrows his gaze at him. Aya wasn’t very good with normal human relations to begin with but an abductee to abductor relationship was even more beyond him. There were so many possibilities it almost made his head spin a bit. “If you are trying to get me to relate to you I doubt that is going to happen.” His speech dropped back into his usual cold and detached cadence.

The German sighed again and leaned back pulling out of Aya’s mind and taking his hands off him breaking all forms of contact. The redhead would feel the sudden chill of the room all around him again. “I’ll be honest with you Aya. I’d much rather have you tell me all about it. I’d much rather you do it willingly rather than me forcing you.” It was probably the most honest the German had ever been in his life and he even surprised himself a bit with it. 

“You keep trying to drop back into that cold emotionless state you’re so comfortable with but you know you’re wearing down. Sooner or later you won’t be able to put up that front. You’re thoughts are already an open book to me and of course I could just take what I want and leave you here with a broken mind to rot.” He had to resist the urge to give too much away. He feared that should Aya catch on to what he was trying to do he might never get the redhead to do what he wanted.

Aya listened intently and it showed his frustration with the German as he started to grind his teeth a bit. “I don’t really tell anyone my secrets why should I tell you? I’m a very private man.” He was beginning to feel mentally exhausted but that didn’t calm his stubborn streak. Though he was concerned that Schuldig was likely capable of breaking his mind leaving him either crazed or dead to the world. He’d never really thought that far ahead until now and it kind of unnerved him.

Icy blue eyes stared directly into Aya’s. “You told Ken, didn’t you?” He smiled exposing Aya’s little lie. “I know you’re not completely without emotion. I don’t think you let Ken fuck you just for the fun of it.” Schuldig got up from the bed to light a smoke; the low light from the lantern casting his shadow larger than life on the wall.

“I will go in and take it from you if you force my hand.” He had his back turned to the bed now, waves of that coppery hair tumbling down his back. “I don’t want to destroy your mind. That was never my intent.” The German had gone serious again all of a sudden. Aya just wasn’t playing fair and it was making Schuldig feel a bit bipolar, his own emotions swinging all over the place. Luckily Aya was too worn down to notice.

“I… thought it would help Ken.” He admitted. “I wasn’t really ready to talk about it but…” he frowned deeply watching Schuldig, feeling rather vulnerable in his current state. Aya felt he had no control over his fate anymore and that almost scared him more than anything else had. “I do feel more than I like to admit…” he wasn’t sure what Schuldig wanted him to say.

Schuldig turned back to the bed cocking his head to the side blue smoke curling up around his face. “See...that wasn’t so hard was it?” He eyed the other man tied to the bed and licked his lips involuntarily. He wanted Aya badly but he needed the redhead to open up more; needed to get way down inside that head of his to plant his little seeds of need and want.

Slowly he began to push at the other’s mind once more trying to mix equal parts pleasure and pain. If he could find the right combination to give Aya a physical response that would just be one step closer for the German to his ultimate goal. He came to that crumbled ruin of a wall again and stepped over it strolling about as if he were merely sightseeing. “I want to hear about your first time Aya...or should I start calling you Ran from now on?”

“Don’t call me that!” He closed his eyes, unsure of the sudden emotional flood again. “Ran died years ago.” Aya hadn’t even told Ken it was okay to call him that, though he had thought about it. He did admit he had wanted to share all he was with Ken but knew it would take time for everything to come to the surface. Now he was being faced with sharing it all with his enemy, all at once. 

The pain caused his muscles to tense but the pleasure elicited a little sigh. He was trying to narrow his focus on the pleasure. If he had time to think about it he’d realize that was not what he wanted but his mind was too busy trying to ward off the pain.

“I’m good at resurrecting things.” Schuldig meandered some more peeking into the back alleys and hotel rooms of Aya’s past getting little glimpses here and there. When Aya was on his knees was very nice indeed but Schuldig preferred him bent over something, that smooth ass sticking up in the air. He dialed up the pleasure just a bit to enhance the memories. ‘You liked it sometimes didn’t you? In the beginning it may have all been for your sister but after a while…” he paused suddenly finding the memory of Aya getting off for the first time while being penetrated.

“Enjoying it made it more bearable. It’s a mindset.” Aya tells him through gritted teeth. “Everyone does shit to make their jobs more bearable.” He tried to relaxed, forcing in one deep breath after another. “Once I had a better opportunity I took it. Not like my job isn’t any less dangerous but it’s less…” he thought about how he wanted to word things. “I don’t like being touched by strangers.” 

If talking to Schuldig kept the German from causing him too much misery he’d do it but he wouldn't spill his guts willingly. He was just far too uncomfortable having a personal conversation with his enemy. It was like Schuldig was trying to turn this whole thing into one huge fucked up therapy session.

The German could sense Aya’s unease and it rankled him for some reason. Finally he moved back onto the bed and straddled Aya’s legs getting right up in the other man’s face. “You think you can justify it just like that!” His voice grew louder the accent getting thicker. “Like it’s so easy to just pretend you want to be there! Pretend you want those things done to you!” He stopped his breathing short and heavy. Damnit his plan had backfired on him once again. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

Schuldig could feel himself shaking slightly as he grabbed Aya around the throat. “Maybe you could pretend to like it for me then?” He leaned in and planted a very rough kiss on Aya’s lips squeezing the other’s throat tightly. Aya wasn’t supposed to be making him angry. Aya wasn’t supposed to be making him lose his cool.

Aya froze, his hands instinctively trying to move to push Schuldig off of him. The force of his pull knocked his wrists against the headboard. His knee jerk reaction was to bite but somehow he managed to stop himself from doing it too hard knowing that would probably just get him into more trouble. Why did that seem to anger the German? He didn’t feel he was making shit up, that's how he really viewed things. It made the humiliation and unhappiness easier to handle.

Schuldig felt Aya’s teeth sink into his lip slightly and his breath hitched in his throat. He backed his head away keeping a level gaze with the redhead. “We’re done here for tonight.” The German shifted himself off of Aya then began working the knots loose from the headboard. He pulled Aya to his feet quickly knotting the two lengths of rope together so Aya’s hands were in front of him but still bound tightly.

Pushing Aya in front of him Schuldig drew out his knife once more and pressed it to the redhead's back propelling him forward. He punted open the bathroom door with his foot. “You’ve got 5 minutes.” Shoving Aya inside the German slammed the door shut behind him.

Aya didn’t realize how badly he had needed to use the bathroom. He’d been so wrapped up in what was going on that relieving himself wasn’t the first thing on his mind. He didn’t waste any time even taking the chance to try the sink hoping for running water. He was in luck and splashed his face with it once it ran clear. It hadn’t been used in a while. He lifted his head wiping at his face a bit with the back of his hand. When he looked up into the dirty mirror he saw how worn out and tired he was. 

He glanced down at his wrists. He had small purple bruises there and on his shoulder. They were glaringly obvious on his pale skin. Aya looked around the room quickly but the only window in there was too small for him to fit through so he resigned to just leaning against the wall to hang his head dejectedly until Schuldig retrieved him.

Five minutes on the dot and Schuldig busted the door open. “Common.” He seemed to be in a really foul mood. Grabbing Aya’s bonds he jerked him back into the main suite of the hotel room and unceremoniously forced him back onto the bed. Bringing over another bottle of water he forced it at the redhead. “Drink.”

Aya stumbled almost clumsily from the bathroom not expecting Schuldig to suddenly have a temper. He didn’t fight him knowing that the German could easily overpower him at this point. Aya still felt rather weak. Once back on the bed he reached for the water. 

While Aya was drinking from the bottle Schuldig brought over the paper sack and dropped it next to the bed. From inside he pulled out a pair of handcuffs. With the rope bonds he couldn’t leave one of Aya’s hands free as he was sure to figure out how to undo the knots. The metal cuffs weren’t as aesthetically pleasing but at this point Schuldig didn’t really give a shit. Once Aya was done he knelt to undo the ropes moving quicker than Aya could keep track of. Before he knew it one hand was cuffed to the headboard.

“There’s food and other supplies in the bag.” He turned around and grabbed the duffle bag from the couch. It seemed pointless now to drug the redhead again so he didn’t bother. To be honest Schuldig didn’t know when he would be back either. Aya had quickly, although unwittingly sucked all the fun out of the German’s little game.

Aya was pretty good at doing that to just about anyone that was certain. In fact Yohji complained about it often when they were working the shop together. The redhead of course had no idea that is what he had just done though. He glanced down at the sack then back to Schuldig. Having to sit here alone as a captive all day was going to be maddening but he’d certainly spend as much of it as he could trying to figure out how to get away. His quick assessment of the room didn’t come up with anything of obvious use but he hoped he’d come across something. At least he had one hand free to work with now. He reached over and grabbed the bag looking in, somewhat curious as to what might be inside. “See ya...” He grumbled sarcastically.

Schuldig slammed the door before Aya could finish his sentence. The German bitched to himself all the way down to his car and all the way back to the penthouse. Things were not going like he had planned and it maddened him to no end that he couldn’t keep control of himself or the situation. Everything in Aya’s head just threw a very harsh light on aspects of Schuldig’s personality and past he did not want to deal with.

Upon arriving back at the apartment building Schuldig slumped into Schwartz’s private elevator keying in the passcode to the top floor. He sure as hell hoped that Crawford wouldn’t be up or Nagi for that matter either. Little shit was way too fuckin’ nosey. Farfarello he could handle but he’d have to keep himself guarded. A big part of their relationship was based on the fact that Schuldig was 99.9% of the time a cruel, ruthless bastard. The fact that he hadn’t even caused Aya serious mental or physical injury by this point would play out badly on his character.

Farfarello seemed to be the only one up; it was almost like he was waiting for Schuldig to get home. He was a bit curious if Schuldig did in fact have a new pet. Even stranger that it had lasted for two whole days. It wasn’t unheard of just uncommon for Schuldig’s attention to be kept by anything for an extended period of time. 

He toyed with his blade a bit running the tip across his finger. Farfarello stopped when he heard the elevator come up. He wouldn’t pry too deeply; he knew Schuldig liked to keep some things to himself. 

Schuldig’s energy rumbled through the penthouse as he got off the elevator. It was obvious he was pissed. He went straight into the kitchen and pulled a rather expensive bottle of bourbon down from the counter. The dark amber liquid went straight into a glass, no ice, and he knocked it back in one swallow. He was just getting ready to pour his second before he even realized Farfarello was standing behind him. ‘Shit.’ He cursed himself mentally.

Farfarello smiled a strange grin. “Having trouble with a pet?” He shrugged a scarred shoulder. “Seems things aren’t going your way.” He could tell by the vibe the other man was putting off and how distracted Schuldig was. Hell something had to be bothering him as he hadn’t immediately noticed Farfarello’s presence. 

The German half turned leveling and icy stare at the man behind him, “So what if I am?” His voice was low and bitter, laced with an emotion Farfarello was not accustomed to hearing from Schuldig. He really was kind of pouting like a teenage girl who’d just been turned down by her long term crush. He knew it would be incredibly difficult for Farfarello to understand. The Irishman just didn’t have the same wants, desires and needs as most men. He’d always played along really well when he and Schuldig would go hunting out at the clubs so he did have some concept of feeding sexual needs. It was just strange for Schuldig to be so put off by something that he was completely blocking the other out of his mind.

Farfarello didn’t seem concerned but his interest was definitely there. He made a good guess from Schuldig’s mood however that it wouldn’t be a good idea to ask too many questions. “I guess you are having trouble with your play toy. None of my business.” He did hold the German’s icy stare though the Irishman not being one to shy away from eye contact. 

Schuldig didn’t push it. As miffed as he was he really didn’t want to start something with Farfarello. Instead he turned and poured himself another drink. “Just having a little trouble disciplining this one. He’s stubborn.” He knocked back his second bourbon, coppery hair swaying with his movement. It was unlike the German to admit something like that. Under normal circumstances if his intended bottom was too much of a hassle he wouldn’t bother. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate a little feistiness but when he wanted someone just to fuck he didn’t want to put out a whole lot of effort. It was becoming glaringly clear though that he didn’t just want to fuck Aya.

The Irishman perked a brow. This had to be something special… not just one of the German’s usual. He turned back toward the window and stared out at the city. Farfarello was a bit on the antsy side and it was usually Schuldig that helped him take care of it. He supposed he could wait a little longer though. He understood at least just enough that Schuldig had needs of his own to care for… though he wondered if this new pet of his wasn’t causing more harm than good. He’d never seen the German act like this over just a fling.

Turning back towards Farfarello he had managed to pull down a cool exterior. The alcohol now coursing through his system had calmed him down a bit. “I know you’re feeling pent up in here. Crawford and Nagi are both dicks and won’t take you anywhere, won’t let you go out on your own. Kind of surprised you haven’t just taken off yet and said screw them.” Schuldig was trying to divert the Irishman’s attention back onto himself. “Give me just a little while longer.” He didn’t exactly feel bad for Farfarello but he knew the other’s often treated him like a caged animal. After all you needed to let your dog’s hunt so they wouldn’t turn on their owners.

Farfarello nodded. “Take all the time you need, this seems important to you.” He tilted his head a little his reflection gazing back at him in the window. Finally he turned away and went to lie down on the couch nearby. “If you need to do it right, take your time. I’ll just pick on Crawford for a while.”

That last little bit made Schuldig smirk. Picking up the bottle and glass he made his way to his own room. Aya was turning out to be a bit of a conundrum for him. He’d only had the redhead captive for two days but it was enough to make him start questioning himself. At first he had wanted to just hurt Aya, get inside his brain and break things. Aya’s mind was one of the more exquisite he had tasted. Unfortunately diving around in there too deeply had elicited emotions from the German that he wasn’t quite prepared to handle. In some ways it seemed that Aya was acting as a mirror and Schuldig didn’t like what he saw. If he could get the redhead to let his guard down, even for a bit he’d feel much better about the whole situation. The assassin just wasn’t responding the way Schuldig was expecting. He knew he had gotten to the point of wanting Aya, physically as well as...dare he say emotionally? That last part bothered him too. At the onset he had just planned on dropping a few little ‘hints’ into Aya’s brain...the longer he waited though the more he wanted Aya to come to him of his own free will.

Schuldig laid on his bed his brain working itself into knots. Eventually his blood alcohol content reached a high enough level and he dozed off. Morning would come quicker than he wanted and he would eventually have to go back and check on his captive.

During Aya’s alone time he exhausted himself trying to find a way out of his predicament. He wasn’t sure what Schuldig’s problem was but it was obvious there was more to this scenario than he understood. He drank a little of the water, not knowing when his next chance to relieve himself might be. Finally he gave up pulling the dusty blankets around himself and tried to get some sleep. One pale arm with a handcuff linking him to the bed was all that stuck out beneath the covers. It was hard to fall asleep though, as he was far from comfortable. All his mind had to offer him was confusion, worry and desperation.


	3. Chapter 3

The German awoke late that afternoon with a pretty bad hangover. It seemed he had managed to put away almost 2/3rds of the bottle last night. It felt like his head was going to explode but at least it muffled the presence of those around him. Many years ago he often would drink himself to sleep just to drown out the voices. For a long time he had thought he was just crazy but then Eszett had gotten hold of him. He certainly hadn’t liked being under their ‘care’ but at least they’d taught him some measure of control over his telepathy.

Slowly he made his way into his own personal bathroom and showered, the hot steam bringing some relief from the pounding in his head. He still was trying to decide if it would be a good idea for him to go back to the hotel tonight. Either way it didn’t much matter. Aya needed some basic care at least. Maybe he would release him and see what happened? The thought bounced around in his head while he was getting ready. Schuldig didn’t have any definite plans but hopefully the redhead would be broken down and more susceptible after his second night alone.

The end of the day arrived and as the sky darkened the vast city lights of Tokyo sprang to life. Crawford had been keeping an eye on Schuldig and it was obvious he wanted to say something. He didn’t though for whatever grace of a god there might be. Everyone could tell the German was acting a bit off. Farfarello of course wouldn’t be any help even if he did know something about what was going on. Crawford would continue to watch and wait.

Schuldig had managed to bypass the other members of Schwartz giving some off hand excuse as to where he was going. Whether they believed him or not was irrelevant to him. Unless Crawford needed him for something specific the German could do what he wanted to with his time. The fact that he was pretty much isolating himself was probably starting to irritate Crawford by now though. ‘Let him worry if he wants.’ Schuldig thought to himself.

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After managing to drift in and out of a fitful sleep Aya was now awake again and fussing around with his handcuffs. He still had the blanket wrapped tightly around him. There was a chill to the air this fall night and without his shirt it was the best way to keep warm. The hours ticked by agonizingly slow and he idly wondered if Schuldig would even come back. There was a part of him that wanted him to and he didn’t understand it so much. Maybe it was spending all this time alone needing another to care for him? He didn’t want to die stuck to a head board. The redhead had briefly thought about trying to break or dislocate his thumb but Schuldig had clamped the metal around his wrist pretty tightly. He gave one more fruitless pull at the headboard. The damn thing might as well have been made of iron.

The hotel door creaked open and Schuldig walked into the dimly lit room, duffle over one shoulder. He’d pulled his hair back into a low pony tail but it still fluffed quite a bit around his face. He looked a little rough around the edges. “Sleep well?” His voice held that sarcastic tone but it wasn’t quite as sharp as it had been the night before.

Aya lifted his head and scooted to sit up a bit. “Sure.” He muttered icily. He had to admit though he was a little relieved to see him; he really had to piss and definitely wanted a shower. The redhead wasn’t sure if he’d be allowed that or not but was really tired of being left alone to his own thoughts. He felt a little unsure about being happy to see a member of Schwartz but the feeling was there and he had to accept it at least a little. 

“You look tired.” He commented off hand, unsure of why that should matter to him. Aya cursed himself for a moment in his mind for making small talk with his kidnapper. The last thing he wanted to do was make Schuldig think he was feeling chatty.

The German dropped his duffle bag then walked over to the bed. He pulled a long thin chain out of his shirt which Aya’s handcuff keys were attached to. Not bothering to comment on the redhead’s perceptiveness he unlocked the side of the cuffs attached to the headboard then slid the metal around Aya’s other wrist clicking it shut. 

“Common, you need to get cleaned up.” Instead of tugging at the cuffs to pull Aya up he grabbed him by the forearm. He knew Aya’s wrists had to ache like hell. Leading the redhead back to the bathroom he shut the door behind him to let him do his business. While Aya was relieving himself Schuldig returned to his duffle and pulled out a towel and a bar of soap. 

Luckily the water to the building had never gotten shut off. “Here I have a towel for you.” Schuldig called through the door. He had the foresight to check the boiler in the basement and relight it so that Aya would have hot water. Since there was no heat in the building he didn’t want him getting sick.

Aya had the shower on and was just stepping out of his pants. He gave the pipes a minute to run clean before getting in. He felt dirty and cold; hot water would feel heavenly right about now. When he heard Schulidg’s voice he cracked the door a little and peeked through. The steam started to roll out of the shower and the heat felt good against his back. Aya started to reach through the crack in the door but pulled his hand back letting it drop down to his side. 

“Just… come in and put it by the sink.” He said as he climbed into the shower. Aya stood there with his shoulders hunched and his back arched toward the hot water. His body was stiff and sore but the heat was helping a little. It was a nice silver lining for his current situation. At this point he figured he’d take what he could get.

Schuldig knitted his brows for a moment then stepped in closing the door behind him to keep the heat in. The bathroom was nice sized with a long vanity sink, the toilet off to one side, a spacious tub and a tiled, glassed doored shower. By the looks of things the hotel had been owned by an American company. He dropped the towel onto the sink trying not to stare at Aya’s naked form under that stream of hot water. The bar of soap was still clutched tight in his hand.

The German was being unusually quiet as he studied Aya’s lean form. Taught muscles rippled under snowy white skin. He was half convinced Aya just never went out in the day light or if he did, used massive amounts of sunscreen. The assassin’s red hair, now limp with water clung to the back of his neck and face. Schuldig swallowed feeling a knot growing in the pit of his stomach.

The redhead had his eyes closed, just enjoying the warm water for a few long moments. He tried his best not to pay attention to the fact that Schuldig was in the room with him. Honestly Aya didn’t really know why he’d told the other man to come in. Finally he sighed and lifted his head a little looking toward him. 

“Is that soap in your hand?” He asked sliding the door open a little and reaching out. It’s not like he’d never been naked in front of strangers before but the present company made things a bit awkward. Ken was the first one to see him in the nude in a long time and he hadn’t felt any uneasiness about it then. This was a different story though. He was starting to regret his choice of just letting the German come in, he should have slammed the door in his face.

Schuldig looked down blankly at the soap in his hand for a moment. “Uh, yeah...here.” He held it out so that Aya could easily grab it with his still handcuffed hands. ‘Damnit Schuldig, get a grip on yourself.’ He felt like he was totally losing his reputation here. Aya was incredibly attractive as Schuldig had noticed in their first encounter. Part of that attractiveness was the fact the redhead behaved as though he had no idea he was so good looking. His beauty was effortless.

Schuldig moved over to lean against the sink counter and looked away from Aya. Without anything covering up that body of his it really drove home just how striking he was. Even with all the scars he almost looked like a beautifully sculpted marble statue. It seemed criminal for him to be as such.

Aya took the soap gingerly from his hand and slid the door to the shower closed. He lathered it up and began to wash himself vigorously from head to toe. The redhead was very meticulous in getting himself clean. He lamented quietly to himself in the shower about not having his favorite cologne to put on afterwards; a daily ritual he’d had since high school. 

Setting the soap aside he got under the water again to wash it all down the drain. He kept glancing to the side, eyeing the German over and over. Aya couldn’t help but be confused and curious as to the man’s thoughts. This was not the behavior he was expecting at all when he woke up two days ago tied to a chair. Finally he turned off the water sliding the door open and stepping out, this time not even looking at his captor as he grabbed the towel and began to dry himself with it. 

Schuldig moved swiftly and pinned Aya up against the tiled wall, desperately feeling the need to assert his dominance. “That’s better.” His eyes were intense but the tone of his voice was flat. There was no hint of the normal mockery either. He was really struggling to control the various opposing forces in himself. His action was almost a defense response, like he needed to prove something to himself.

Bringing one hand up he brushed the wet hair off Aya’s cheek simply admiring him for a brief moment. Even though it was just plain old soap the redhead had used somehow when the scent combined with his body chemistry it turned into something exotic smelling. Schuldig breathed in deeply next to Aya’s throat. “I brought you some clean clothes.” He pushed himself away waiting to see how the redhead would react.

Aya stiffened, backing up and hitting the wall. He held his breath as the German got in close and gripped the towel tight in his fingers. His eyes closed as the other touched his face brushing away wet hair. An involuntary tremble passed through him, not really out of fear but more so from the sudden tension in his body.

“Clean clothes…. are good.” He managed to say swallowing hard and finally taking a breath. Who knew if he’d like the German’s taste in whatever he brought? Aya was notoriously picky about his clothes. Suddenly he felt a little foolish for worrying about such a trivial thing.

Schuldig crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you say?” He was starting to pull some tactics that he’d used in the past on those he wanted to control. Give them a little something and then make them be grateful for it. It eventually cemented in their minds that Schuldig was the only person who could give them want they wanted; what they needed.

He had really enjoyed watching the redhead tremble like that, even if it wasn’t out of fear. Schuldig felt a little of his confidence return knowing he had caught Aya so off guard. Now he unabashedly let his eyes rove over the assassin’s body that towel just barely covering what was between his legs. Inside though, the German was trying to not let his breath be taken away. He had to learn to control it, to control the thing that made him respond differently to Aya.

Aya swallowed again, lifting his gaze to those icy blue eyes but he dropped them away quickly. He felt uncomfortable holding eye contact all of a sudden. The thought agitated him. Why was he behaving this way?

“Thank you.” He finally said his voice flat but low and uncertain. He could feel those eyes on his body and he immediately began trying squash his nervousness. He couldn't let the German get the better of him but it seemed he was ill prepared to become a captive. It really had never happened before. In his line of work being held prisoner really wasn’t much of a concern. Death was more often the inevitable outcome. It seemed Kritiker was lacking in certain areas of their training.

A wide smile spread across Schuldig’s face. It was obvious he was pleased with the redhead’s response. He held his arm out indicating that Aya should go ahead of him and back into the hotel suite. When the door was opened a sudden rush of cold air hit the two of them, the heat from the bathroom escaping rather quickly. Once Schuldig could move past him he returned once again to his trusty duffle bag and pulled out a department store box. It was wrapped in black paper and tied with a sheer golden bow. He set it down on the bed for Aya.

Aya slinked past him almost like a beaten dog, his shoulders hunched up a bit defensively. His uncertainty in this situation was getting the better of him. Once out in the more open room he seemed to recover a bit though and started towel drying his hair, once satisfied it was dry enough he lowered the towel and watched the German intently. 

He went to the bed throwing the towel down and reached for that box. Aya glanced up at Schuldig quickly for a moment almost as if looking for permission. The redhead wasn’t entirely sure why he was being so hesitant. Finally when Schuldig didn’t say anything he pulled the box open to see what was inside. Clothes of course but the redhead couldn't help but to be curious on what they would look like. The fact that Schuldig had even gone to the trouble of having them gift wrapped seemed out of place.

The box contained a set of expensive black silk pajamas. The fabric was so cool and smooth it felt like a whisper on the skin. Schuldig particularly liked the way Aya’s pale skin looked against the color so he thought it would be fitting. Plus Aya seemed to be the type with rather discriminating tastes. It had taken Schuldig the better part of the evening to pick it out. He didn’t want to admit it but it was quite possibly the most attention he’d given to buying clothing for someone other than himself.

He walked over to the where Aya stood naked beside the bed, box in hand. The German pulled the box away and set it down then removed the chain with Aya’s handcuff key on it. “I’m going to take these off so you can get dressed. If you fight me I’ll tie you up again and leave you naked for the night without the blanket.” Finally he was starting to get ahold of the situation again. The subtle change in Aya’s demeanor bolstered the German’s confidence. 

Aya thought hard on this for a moment then finally settled on not spending the night freezing. Even a little bit of comfort was better than none. He started pulling out the clothing and putting it on. It did feel good against his skin and really it was something he’d wear to bed if he had the chance to pick it out himself.

He was completely silent, pulling up the pants then pulling on the top and buttoning it with nimble fingers. Aya’s mind was totally blank now and he kept finding himself holding his breath a lot. He didn’t think he would ever be able to relax again. The hot water from the shower had helped but he could still feel the tight knots in his muscles.

Schuldig looked pleased with his choice. “It looks good on you.” He walked over to the couch and sat down not bothering to re-handcuff Aya. His curiosity was driving him to see what the redhead would do with a little free reign. 

Blue eyes just continued to watch the other’s body as the German took a little sneak peek into Aya’s head. Now that he had full access he could enter without Aya knowing if he so chose. That was the beauty of Schuldig’s power. He could shape it to however he desired; causing pain, pleasure or going unnoticed at all. The fact that Aya’s mind was pretty much blank at the moment delighted Schuldig. It was also what he was ultimately searching for. He just didn’t think he could wait for Aya to come around on his own.

Very gently he placed a thought in that blank space, just a hint at his own attractiveness. Schuldig was never one to be modest. He knew he was handsome and rather exotic looking in his own right, especially here in Japan.

Aya stood there silently for a long time looking around the room, then froze as that realization came to his mind. Mere moments after Schuldig planted the thought Aya’s amethyst gaze darted to him lingering just a bit longer than it should have. A frown crossed his features, he wasn't happy about that thought but it appeared he hadn’t caught on that it wasn’t quite his own. Honestly though, Aya did agree after a time. He found himself thinking that he’d never really considered such a thing before. He guessed when you were fighting an enemy you weren’t really too focused on their looks except to take in potential weaknesses.

“Make yourself comfortable. As long as you behave I won’t restrain you again until I have to leave.” He pointed to the paper bag he’d left by the bedside the night before. “There is plenty of food in there if you’re hungry.” Schuldig knew Aya had to at least be feeling a few hunger pains no matter how distressed he was. Not eating for two days would take its toll on anyone.

He also chose to ignore Aya’s gaze upon him although inwardly he was delighted. He’d let that thought sit with Aya for a while. Make it worry at him and make the assassin question himself. Schuldig pulled out a cigarette and lit it glancing around the room. It definitely needed some upkeep. He’d have to bring in a warmer blanket for Aya as well, as it seemed the weather would be turning cold quicker than usual this year.

Aya stared at him again before he forced himself to look away. Padding over to the bed he sat down on it, taking the bag and pulling out what was in there to look it over. After settling on a bag of sweet potato sticks he pulled open the packaging and started to eat. Once the food hit his mouth he realized how hungry he really was and it didn’t take him long to polish off the small bag. The slight tremble in his hands soon diminished after consuming a few calories.

Schuldig leaned back into the couch making himself comfortable and appeared to be at total ease. If Aya continued to behave he would bring him better things to eat and drink. It was important the he reinforce good behavior. If the redhead tried anything though he would make sure the punishment was severe.

“Something on your mind?” He pulled a long drag off his cigarette then flicked the ash into a dusty crystal ashtray on the nearby end table. It was hard for him to keep the smug smile off his face.

Aya startled as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t. “N-no.” he bit his lip. The stuttering made his lie obvious and it surprised him a little. This was getting to be a bit of a strain on his mental state. Why was that bastard looking so smug? It kind of pissed him off. 

Schuldig leaned forward resting his arms on his knees. “You’re lying.” He gaze went cold hinting at potential violence. “I don’t like being lied too.” At this point he was just sort of bullying Aya around a bit. The fact that the redhead was now on edge just drove Schuldig’s need to dominate him more. He pushed himself up from the couch like he was getting ready to come over to where Aya was.

“You know I’ll just pull it out of your head if you don’t tell me.” He stabbed at Aya’s mind to give him just a flicker of that pain. Not enough to really hurt him but certainly it would remind him of the painful mind games of the past two days.

Aya winced a little but didn’t back down. He was obviously more perturbed than he let on about his own thoughts. “Then go ahead and fucking do it!” He stood up suddenly getting defensive again. “What the hell can I do about it?” His body went quite stiff almost taking an offensive posture like he’d fight the other if it came to it. Aya was obviously not very happy with where his thoughts had gone and did not feel like sharing them willingly.

“Ugh, you’re so bitchy.” He was on the redhead before he could blink, knocking the other man back down and onto the bed. Schuldig’s hand came up under Aya’s chin and gripped his jaw tightly forcing the other to look at him. He really was getting fed up but he had to remind himself that Aya was different, Aya needed special attention. It would be normal for him to still counteract Schuldig’s dominance from time to time.

“Don’t fucking test me.” The German released his hold on Aya’s face but continued to pin the other down with his body weight. Had the assassin been at full strength he probably could have thrown the other man. As it stood though not only was he physically weakened but also mentally as well. It would have taken quite a bit of his strength just to keep up his petulant attitude. 

Aya let out a gasp of surprise as he suddenly hit the bed, pinned under the German. Schuldig was fast, inhumanly so at times and that made things a bit more difficult. His arms went up into a defensive position and he pushed against Schuldig’s chest, arms shaking a bit with the effort.   
“Let go of me! He hissed, trying to tear his eyes away but his amethyst gaze seemed glued to the other’s face.

Schuldig growled and pinned Aya’s arms to the bed leaning in close to his face. “You’re all mine now Aya and I will never let you go.” The cool silk between the German’s fingers suddenly turned very hot on Aya’s skin. He leaned down further, Coppery hair spilling all around them as he nipped the tender flesh of the redhead’s ear. Being this close, Aya was sure to pick up on Schuldig’s expensive cologne. 

Aya stilled at those words and he stopped pushing. Taking in what the German had said stunned him too much to continue fighting back. A shiver ran down his spine feeling Schuldig’s breath on his skin, the nip at his ear flushed his pale cheeks. He was overcome by the scents of leather and cedar. The thought of how attractive the German suddenly seemed to him flooded confusion through his mind.

Schuldig stayed where he was for the moment, the soft skin of Aya’s throat so near and so tempting. He could almost feel the other’s pulse with his lips as he hovered over the artery. It was thrilling to feel Aya stop resisting him. It may have been based in confusion but Schuldig knew the real reason the redhead’s heart was beating so fast. He contemplated for a moment whether he should go in and plant another lustful seed but he didn’t want to make it too easy. More and more he found he wanted the assassin to actually respond to him of his own will. The first thought had been just a little nudge in the right direction.

Aya started to feel his loathing for the other man ebb a bit and he frantically tried grasping for it in his mind. If Schuldig chose to leave he’d be alone with his own thoughts again and he really hated that idea. Was the German being here better though? He wasn’t sure if one was preferable over the other at this point. His heart rate quickened a little bit with fear. There was no way the others would find him and so all he’d have to look forward to would be Schuldig. 

“Why are you doing this to me?” He asked in a hushed voice.

“The truth?” Schuldig pulled back just a bit so that he could look Aya in the face again. “I want to possess you but not just physically. I could have taken that a dozen times already if I’d wanted to.” His hair formed a little curtain about them and a few wisps tickled at Aya’s cheek.

“I want everything, your mind, your soul, your needs and wants.” The German leaned in as if he were about to kiss the other man. “But I want you to give it to me.” Perhaps he had said too much but by now it really didn’t matter anyway. If Aya rebuked him he’d just leave giving the assassin something to mentally chew on for the night.

Aya’s eyes widened staring into Schuldig’s face. ‘Why Me?’ His mind asked over and over as the other spoke. “I already have someone.” He finally said. Aya knew Ken must be going mad with worry by now. He wondered if he’d ever see the brunette again.

He frowned shaking his head. “I don’t want you!” Aya tried to throw the other off of him. “Why would I give someone I hate such things?” His voice had turned cold and angry. 

Schuldig shifted easily to the side as Aya tried to get free and pushed himself up. He’d let the other flail around for a minute if it’d make him feel better. “Too bad Ken doesn’t have you anymore.” He smirked. “If you happen to change your mind, I’ll be here.” The German picked up the handcuffs from the bedside table feeling the cool metal between hot fingers. “Don’t bother trying to lie to me about it either.” He didn’t have to say the rest for Aya to know what he meant.

“You believe that you hate me but I think we have much more in common than you’d like to admit.” He turned back towards the bed and he felt his stomach grow tight. The redhead lying there, panting from his efforts on those white sheets in all that black silk was something to be admired.

Aya’s last bit of physical rebuttal had worn him out. At least Schuldig wasn’t on top of him anymore. He watched him through half lidded and tired eyes but a pit was growing in his stomach. What if he was right? A tiny seed of doubt began eating at him. He wanted to attack the other, wanted to scream and yell at him but he felt this heaviness like it was almost too much effort. He was so tired all of a sudden. 

Those words stung. Aya just wanted to let Ken know how sorry he was. The feeling of guilt surprised him a little. Maybe getting involved with Ken was a bad idea, he thought to himself. He’d inadvertently hurt him by his disappearance and suddenly the whole situation began to feel like the red head’s fault.

Schuldig had put a hand out to help Aya up into a sitting position. The German sat next to him sensing the other’s inner turmoil. He had accomplished quite a bit this evening and leaving Aya to stew about what had happened would only further push things along. He was quite pleased with himself.

Taking one bruised wrist he latched the cuff around it, not overly tight but definitely not enough to give hope for escape. He looked slightly up into Aya’s face as he spoke. “You know, I can put you out again. Give you the drug that will let you sleep dreamlessly.” His words were deep and dark as a cruel smile sliced across his face. “But you have to beg for it.”

The red head finally looked away from Schuldig’s face as that cold metal locked around his wrist. He sat there silently, staring at the nightstand off to the side giving Schuldig a bit of the cold shoulder treatment. Aya’s pride wouldn’t let him beg.

"Fine then, have it your way." He jerked hard on the cuffed arm bringing the free side around the ornate headboard. It clicked shut with a resounding clank. "You can just sit here and brood then."

He turned from Aya and the bed going back over to the duffle. It seemed the bag had a never ending supply of things the German might need. Schuldig pulled out a thick blanket and tossed it onto the bed.

"I don't have to be cruel and it doesn't need to hurt. Just remember you are the one responsible for how things turned out from now on." He grinned, twisting Aya's psyche just a little bit further. Swinging the duffle over his shoulder he walked to the door turning just slightly to give the other a little wink before he slipped out. “Ja.”

After Schuldig left Aya pulled up the heavy blanket wrapping it around himself then moved a dusty pillow against the headboard and huddled against it. He’d try to sleep but the questions and doubts in his head were sure to give him another rough night.


	4. Chapter 4

Schuldig whistled a happy tune on his drive back into Tokyo. Aya was beginning to crack, slowly yet surely. He would have to wait until tomorrow night to see this evening’s full effect on the redhead but it was worth it. The German pondered his next course of action. He had shown Aya tonight that their interactions didn't need to be violent and even went so far as to tell the other man exactly what he wanted. Schuldig was betting that little bit of honesty would go a long way later on. Finally he reached the penthouse, his mind busy as a bee. He thought of all the things he'd like to do to his captive. Needless to say once he got upstairs his mood was quite improved from the night before. But when he stepped into the penthouse it was like a black cloud had settled over the place.

From the look of things Crawford was in one hell of a sour mood. It would seem the Irishman had made good on his promise to harass him. The man was now hanging upside down from his bedroom ceiling in a strait jacket. Crawford didn’t seem interested in conversing but he did eye Schuldig as he came out of the elevator. The German appeared to be feeling rather chipper and by now it wasn’t hard for Crawford to guess what he was up too. It irked him a bit but things were slow and the last thing he wanted was to have yet another bored member of Schwartz cooped up in the apartment.

"Bad day Crawford? You look a bit rough around the edges." Schuldig knew better than to prod but because of his good mood he threw caution to the wind. Regardless of how Aya's instructions were going the German still was amped up from their interactions. Nothing could bring him down right now. He had been pouring a lot of time and energy into his little pet project and things were finally starting to pay off.

The German took note of Farfarello’s absence making an educated guess as to where the other man was. "It's not good to lock him up all the time when you don't want to deal with him." Ever since the incident at the tower Crawford had been keeping a rather tight leash on Farfarello and it was proving to not be a very effective tactic. Overall it just seemed to make the Irishman even more difficult to handle. Why Crawford kept pushing the issues was beyond him.

Crawford frowned. “Yes actually and it’s for his own good. He was trying to see how many times he could stab himself in the thigh with a scalpel before I took notice. The answer is two and I’m really getting tired of having to have the carpets cleaned because he bleeds all over the place.” He turned away from Schuldig to head into his office. “Maybe if you weren’t so busy playing with a toy you could see how many times he could do it in front of you instead.” Crawford adjusted his glasses a little looking peeved. 

“Don’t be so grouchy Bradley. If you treated him with a little more respect instead of like an animal he may not pick on you so badly.” He walked around in front of Crawford effectively getting in the other’s way. He was a little curious to find out just how much the other man had figured out. If all the clairvoyant had seen was that the German was amusing himself with a pet then that was fine. If he had figured out it was Aya Fujimiya however things could get messy. In a lot of ways Crawford was more cold and cruel than the other three. He was all business, all the time and aside from his occasional outbursts if things didn’t go exactly his way he pretty much had only one setting. Irritated…

The American gave Schuldig a glare that would have sent most people running. “Don’t you have something else to do? I am busy.” He said coldly then sighed. “I’m assuming you want to know how much I know about your activities of late. All I have to say about it is I’d much rather you kill Fujimiya and be done with it; if however I find out where you are keeping him I can’t promise his I won’t take his life for you. I’m not your keeper though and since I don’t require your presence at the given moment I suggest you take yourself and your free time elsewhere.” He side stepped around the other man and continued into this office almost slamming the door shut behind him.

Schuldig frowned, “Ficker.” He muttered the curse in German then left Crawford to his oh so important business. At least he wasn’t demanding that he take the assassin out. That could cause some real friction. Crawford should be thanking him actually. Since Aya was the unofficial leader of weiß they were probably in quite a panic at the moment. It would definitely keep the nosey group of assassins preoccupied for a while.

“Whatever.” The German meandered down the hall to Farfarello’s room and opened the door slowly only letting a little of the hall light shine in. The Irishman had painted all the windows black to block out the day light. With its Spartan furnishings and single floor lamp it almost looked like a cell. “You ready to be let out of that thing?” Schuldig asked casually knowing his companion was probably getting antsy by now.

Farfarello hung upside down, his golden eye gleaming at Schuldig as he opened the door. “Yes.” His voice hissed in the darkness, intense stare locked on the German. He’d been in there long enough, though in his opinion even five minutes was too long. Crawford was no fun but the Irishman had expected this to happen. It wasn’t his fault the guy was rankled so easily. A deep sigh escaped him as he wriggled around a bit feeling the binds bite into his flesh. “How is your pet?” Farfarello asked suddenly.

The German came in and flipped on the light. Farfarello’s room was...interesting to say the least. “We’re making progress.” He released the anchor on the wall and lowered Farfarello down. It was true that the Irishman was vicious and at times was often a great danger to himself. His inability to feel pain made it especially easy for him to go over the top inflicting self-injury. So there were times when it was necessary to restrain him. Schuldig just thought Crawford did it too often and for the wrong reasons. He undid the buckles on the black strait jacket freeing the other man. Blood still seeped from the wounds on the other man’s thigh. Schuldig wondered if they were going to need to be stitched up. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

Farfarello quieted as Schuldig worked to get him loose, once freed a hand jutted up to Schuldig’s shoulder and he pulled himself into a sitting position. “I heard Crawford say he’d rather you killed your pet. Not very charitable of him.” He slowly stood, not even favoring his injured leg at all. Crawford had made a brief attempt to look at the wound but Farfarello hadn’t exactly been cooperative about it.

Schuldig barely stiffened as Farfarello’s hand shot out towards him. He had gotten pretty used to how the Irishman handled himself over the years and he knew that he was not in any danger. “No, it’s not but unfortunately I can somewhat see his point. I don’t see it being an issue though. He’s wearing down decently, a few more days and he’ll be broken enough for me to shape as I see fit.” That last part was a little bit of a lie. Schuldig in fact did not want to completely break Aya but it was easier than explaining things to anyone let alone himself. “I know you don’t care but you should at least let me look at your thigh. Where in the hell did you get a scalpel anyway?”

He shrugged a little. “I have my toys just like you. I keep them hidden away because Crawford likes to take away my fun. Don’t let him know where your toy is.” The last sentence was said in a hushed tone. Farfarello slipped out of his pants and sat on his small bed. He had two rather deep stab wounds on the top of his thigh. Luckily he’d just sunk down into muscle and not hit anything major. There was a lot of blood but no sever damage “Look all you want.” He told Schuldig. 

The German didn’t particularly want to look but the wounds did need some attention. “Give me a minute.” He retreated to the hallway bathroom and brought back some gauze, peroxide and bandages. “I am being careful.” He commented as he begun to clean Farfarello’s injuries. They were deep but didn’t appear to need stitching. It bothered him that Farfarello was so perceptive at times. He was right though, if Crawford did catch on to where he had Aya stashed things could become problematic really quick. He would have to start blocking his mind more when he went to the hotel. “You need to get out, don’t you?” Schuldig felt the tiniest twinge of guilt but pushed it away. He was not Farfarello’s keeper nor was he responsible for the man in anyway. They were all involved in Schwartz freely and could leave at any time. Their survival might be in question if they chose that path but it was never stated out in the open.

He shrugged a little. “Maybe.” He let the other do what he wanted to his leg it didn’t matter to him either way; just another scar to offend God with. “I think I got a little of it out of my system on Crawford’s time.” Farfarello let out a cackling laugh. “I don’t wish to take time away from your fun.” He glanced at the black painted windows as though something outside had caught his attention. Impossible really but impossibilities never stopped the Irishman. “I’ll just keep Crawford busy for you.” 

Farfarello was probably the closest thing to a friend Schuldig had ever or would ever have. He gave the other man an appreciative smile. “I know we haven’t been back in Tokyo long but I promise you when I can get a little more free time I’ll take you out and we can paint the town red.” It was a strangely sentimental moment between the two of them. Never the less, even though many would consider them evil men it did not make them completely devoid of human emotion, feelings or wants.

After bandaging Farfarello’s legs he stood and stretched. He might as well get a few hours of sleep before another grueling day of Crawford bitching at him and being bored to tears. Things were not moving as quickly as Crawford would like and he probably had their backers breathing down his neck. It was no wonder he was in such a foul mood as of late. His solution of course was to take it out on the team. Oddly enough Nagi had been rather scarce. Schuldig couldn’t even remember seeing the youngest member of Schwartz for the past two days. He was probably hiding out in his room glued to his computer monitor.

Farfarello watched him then took a deep breath. “I’m sure I’ll survive.” He said voice cool and steady. Suddenly he sounded completely calm and rational. “I’ve been enjoying seeing the range of moods you come back here in. They are very curious those mood swings of yours.”

He turned his body and lay back on the bed. For once sleep was calling to him. Sleep often didn’t come easy for the Irishman and it was even more elusive if he was bound up. In a way Farfarello certainly did appreciate Schuldig and viewed him as a companion of sorts. He had a respect for him and therefore hazed him considerably less than the other two members of Schwartz.

“I’m glad I’m amusing you.” The German said in a sarcastic tone but it was lighthearted none the less. He left the Irishman to his slumber and returned to his own room. Aya was on the tipping point but Schuldig had to be careful how much he pushed or what all he placed in the other’s mind. Now was such a crucial time.

His thoughts wandered back to Aya stretched out on the hotel bed, the black silk of his nightwear clinging seductively to his body. Schuldig felt his appetite awaken but he wanted to wait. He wanted to save all of his pent up energy for the redhead. It fueled him and gave him what he needed to successfully be his most dominant self. Schuldig tried to push the thought from his mind as he changed and fell into the plush surroundings of his bed. Sleep overtook him soon but his dreams would not let him rest. In his dreams he ravaged Aya Fujimiya over and over again.


	5. Chapter 5

Aya had been asleep for many hours with nothing much better to do. He was so emotionally exhausted and the fatigue had finally settled in. When he woke he could still see the afternoon light coming in through his window. Aya felt groggy like one does when they’ve had too much sleep. His first instinct was to get up and use the bathroom but unfortunately cold metal kept him firmly attached to the bed. He sat up slowly, eyeing the water bottle then taking a small sip. The thought crossed his mind that he might regret that action later but he felt like he had sandpaper in his throat.

The way Schuldig was behaving was confusing to him. There had been this odd hesitation the day before. Aya couldn’t get into the German’s head but it sure worked the other way around. His brain felt like an open book and he hated it. He was a very private person and didn’t like having the man wandering around in his head. The sense of violation was almost more than he could bear. But the isolation was really nagging at him.

Even though it was still early afternoon Schuldig had managed to get away without too much resistance. Crawford was still waiting on some final details and couldn’t send any of them out yet to deal with things. The German debated waiting a while to go see his little prize but just couldn’t keep himself away.

To be on the safe side Schuldig set up a mental barrier before turning down the road that lead to the hotel. It might make Crawford pissy if he even cared to pick up on it but honestly the man had more important things to worry about. As long as Schuldig was there when he needed him Crawford couldn’t really do much about the situation.

As the minutes ticked by Aya stared down at the carpet next to the bed in a bit of a daze. Once again he found himself almost craving the German’s company. Any time he tried to reason with himself about it the thoughts just sent his brain into confusing spirals. Aya had a vague notion of what Stockholm syndrome was and wondered how easily it would be to fall into something like that. At the same time his captor could plant thoughts in his head like so many seeds. It was almost cheating. He shook his head and a bitter laugh sounded from his throat. He didn’t even look up when Schuldig came into the room.

“What’s so amusing?” Schuldig walked in and set the bag down in its rightful place at the end of the couch. It appeared the first cracks were beginning to show in the redhead’s psyche. He wasn’t overly surprised, being secluded away for almost a week with only one point of limited human contact was sure to make him cranky.

Schuldig pulled the chain from around his neck holding Aya’s key and walked to the bed. His eyes narrowed some and he placed a hand to the redhead’s forehead without thinking. “You’re warm.” Maybe it hadn’t been such a great idea to leave Aya here without any heat. If he was turning feverish things could get much more complicated. The German knew basic first aid but he certainly didn’t know how to be a nurse maid. It would put a serious damper on his plans should Aya become ill.

Aya glanced up at him. “I’m fine.” He said his voice cold and curt. “Nothing is funny. Nothing at all…” his voice trailed off and he pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders with is free hand. His attitude was defensive; apparently he wasn’t keeping himself very good company.

“Are you going to be here long?” He finally asked off handedly but it was hard to tell the meaning behind it. Did he actually want Schuldig there? The question annoyed him. Even though Aya liked his privacy he’d had Ken or Yohji to interact with throughout his normal day. This being left alone for hours with his thoughts did not sit with him well.

Schuldig began to unlock the cuff from the bed. This was good, this was becoming routine now and the easiest way to tame a wild animal was with consistency. “Here…” The German slid his arm around Aya’s back and under his arms to help pull the red head up to his feet. “I’ve got a little more time today than normal.” He began urging Aya over to the bathroom. “If you’re problematic though, I’ll leave you alone again.” Schuldig pushed open the door for Aya and didn’t bother to cuff his hands together. The side that remained attached to Aya’s one wrist hung down like some strange ornamental bracelet. “Take another shower while you’re at it and warm up some.

Aya nodded, immediately going to relieve himself. He stripped out of that black silky clothing and set it aside then climbed into the shower. The redhead set it to as hot as he could stand. The heat seemed to relax him a bit. As the tension eased from his muscles Aya realized that the bathroom was becoming somewhat of a haven for him. Staying in that shower forever didn’t seem like such a bad idea. 

Schuldig didn’t join him this time instead making rounds about the room and noting areas that needed improvement. He had half a mind to turn this place into his own little private sanctuary that he and Aya could just share. Should at some point Aya fully submit to him he might even take him out but bringing him back to the penthouse was absolutely out of the question. With the coming winter though he’d have to find a way to heat this place...either that or just move Aya to an actual apartment. That didn’t sit well with him though. Having people on all sides of them would be distracting for Schuldig to say the least as well as potentially cause numerous other problems. He was in a bit of a quandary. Perhaps a portable generator was the answer?

Aya reluctantly stepped out of the shower once he felt sufficiently warmed up, towel drying off and redressing in his fancy pajamas. When he opened the door to the bathroom he just stood there hesitantly as if he wasn't entirely sure what he was doing with himself. 

He swung between feeling listless and lost to anger at his own weakness. Even his heart ached a bit in his chest. He watched the German intently wondering what he was up to. The redhead almost felt insubstantial, like a faded out image. “What… are you doing?” He finally asked Schuldig.

He turned his head, coppery hair whipping around him. “Just thinking of ways to improve your environment.” Schuldig noted the look of insecurity on Aya’s face. “Come here.” It was a command most definitely but it was issued in a soft tone. Schuldig’s voice could be very soothing when he wanted it to be.

His long arm reached out for Aya. It wouldn’t do to spook him now, being fairly obvious that the assassin was having some sort of internal turmoil. If he could just get Aya to willingly come to him. To find some sort of solidarity in the German. It was as though Schuldig had tossed him into a fierce ocean and then presented himself as the only rock to cling to.

Aya hesitated; his mind seemed to be drifting in nothingness for a few long moments before he found himself stepping towards him. He almost felt as though it were against his will but there was no pressure to it. Aya stopped just short of Schuldig’s hand and stood there watching him with an intense gaze. He felt weak and tired still, knowing he had slept for far too long and not taken in enough water or food.

“I hate it here.” He murmured, his voice was soft and had little feeling behind it. Usually when he spoke of hate there was a roughness to the sound that was unmistakable.

Schuldig closed the remaining gap and took the other cuff off Aya’s wrist. He was being extremely gentle with the delicate bruised flesh, his fingers just barely caressing over the skin. “I can make it better for you.” The offer was on the table now but Schuldig didn’t give anything out for free. Aya’s spirit may have been breaking but the German wasn’t going to go too easy on him just yet.

“We can get to the point where I don’t have to keep you restrained but you’ll accept it gladly when I want it.” He stepped closer to Aya the two men eye to eye now. He lifted a hand and caressed the redhead’s cheek where he’d slapped him the other day. The gentle human contact would feel amazingly good to Aya by now but Schuldig took it a step further and doubled the sensation in the assassin’s head for good measure.

Amethyst eyes fluttered closed, body language softening just a bit and he didn’t flinch away. “I …“ He frowned a little, eyes opening and staring into Schuldig’s. He didn’t even know what to say. He didn’t know how to act either. It just felt good to be with someone at that moment and the thought of it almost made him angry. He felt weak and disappointed with himself. Maybe he was giving up on everything too easily? He wasn’t fully sure, thinking straight wasn’t an option at the moment. Aya really hadn’t been cooped up for terribly long in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps sheltering himself up in his heart was the precursor to this exact moment he stood here enjoying the touch of his enemy.

The German dared to reach a hand around Aya’s waist and pull him in closer so their bodies were touching. Schuldig’s body heat would feel good in the cold room. “You don’t have to answer now. I’ll give you time to think about it.” Aya felt almost fragile against him and he felt himself hardening just a bit. Releasing the redhead he returned once again to the couch leaving Aya suddenly cold and alone and devoid of human contact again. Sitting down and lighting a cigarette he simply watched the other man, appreciating the rather drastic change only four days had made.

Aya crossed his arms over his chest after the German left him standing there alone again. He looked over and watched him, unsure of what his answer might be. There was still very much a part of him that didn’t want to cooperate but there was also a nagging part that wanted to do whatever Schuldig wanted. That would just make everything easier.

He frowned feeling frustrated now, shoulders trembling a bit as he fought the battle inside his mind. Would he ever see Ken again and if he did would he be able to face him? Slowly Aya started piling those feelings into his heart and locking it up tight. If he didn’t feel, it didn’t matter anymore.

“You may sit with me if you like.” Schuldig offered the cushion next to him. It was the first time in four days that Aya hadn’t been restrained in some way. He was off the leash for the moment and Schuldig wanted to see what he would do. It seemed as though the redhead was really struggling internally and the German had to resist the urge to meddle too much. He knew that Aya was thinking about Ken and was locking those feelings for the other man deeply away. That was good. It left a lot more room for Schuldig to wriggle his way in. Now he just had to fully convince Aya that his cooperation was worth it.

Aya walked over, sitting down but keeping his spine ridged. There was a heavy feeling weighing in on him and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it. He’d never gotten the chance to actually tell Ken he loved him. He’d never said those three words. Aya wasn't sure if he was even fully capable of love but Ken wasn’t the type to demand such things. He hoped Ken knew on his own those things the redhead seemed incapable of expressing with words. He sighed, a deep and heavy sound as if attempting to calm his nerves.

“You seem tense.” The German on the other hand gave off an air of complete relaxation and lounged rather languidly on the couch. “Smoke?” He extended the pack to Aya not sure if the redhead actually partook or not. It was difficult for him to not just jump the redhead right then and there. His face may have been betraying no intense emotion but his mind was so open now to Schuldig the German could practically feel the angst radiating off the other. He needed to get Aya’s mind off of it.

Aya reached out gingerly and pulled a cigarette from the pack, putting it between his pale lips. He looked to Schuldig to light the cigarette. He was shutting down a little but there was a hint of interest there, even if it only was just for the German’s looks. Schuldig was quite handsome in an exotic sort of way. “I’m cold.” He said around the smoke, wrapping his arms around himself.

Schuldig pulled out his lighter and lit the smoke for Aya then slipped it back into his pocket. He held his arm up as if inviting the redhead to his warm side. The German was getting very giddy but still did his best to restrain himself. Aya was almost there, almost to the point of completely giving into the entire situation. Just a little more and Schuldig was betting the physical contact would do the trick. It was plain to see that Aya was exhausted and any comfort despite where it came from would probably be welcome. As long as Schuldig didn’t lose his cool and act out too much Aya would continue to warm up to him.

Aya took a deep drag off his cigarette then looked back to Schuldig; weighing things over in his mind. It seemed like something broke in him as his shoulders shuddered a little then he scooted over close leaning into the warmth of the other’s body. Right now he hated himself. The comfort he felt from just the physical contact just deadened him a little more inside. “Seems I’m at your mercy whether I like it or not.” He finally spoke, voice quiet.

The German wrapped his fingers around Aya’s shoulder pulling him tight against him. “Remember when I told you that this was all up to you? You’re actions are what is going to make this work. But you have to decide what you want within the parameters of what I will give you.” He trailed his fingers up Aya’s shoulder and to his neck lingering there on the pulse for just a moment. “I don’t expect immediate results of course. But in time you’ll come to even enjoy things.” Long fingers toyed with Aya’s flaming red hair. Now was the time, Schuldig moved quietly into Aya’s broken mind and placed another thought. ‘I could care for this man.’ It may have been a touch over the top but the German was getting an amazing power high from the situation and he didn’t want it to end.

Aya froze as that thought came to his mind, stiffening under the other’s touch. He bit his lip the thought nagging at him. The logical assumption was that Schuldig put it there but the other part of his brain figured it really didn’t matter at this point. There wasn’t much he could do to stop it. He felt something crumble inside of him, the self-loathing at daring to think such a thought whether it was his own or not. “I don’t know… what I want. Getting out of here doesn’t seem like an option.” Finally Aya tipped his head and rested it on Schuldig’s shoulder. 

Schuldig really liked the weight of Aya’s head near his chest. Even though the redhead was breaking inside, on the outside somehow it was slowly making him relax. The tension was easing from his body. “I might be able to make arrangements.” Schuldig looked idly at the nails of his left hand. “That is of course if you behave. I might even take you out; take you to see Ken if that’s what you really want.” His fingers found their way to Aya’s jaw lightly stroking the sensitive skin, feeling just the bit of stubble that had started to grow. He was definitely getting worked up and even though he told Aya that he would stay for a while he might have to leave anyway. It just wasn’t the right time for that yet. Aya had only barely begun to soften and he needed more time to build up that longing in him before he pushed physical intimacy.

Aya’s gaze glanced up to Schuldig then back down again. “Ken would pull your head right off your shoulders.” He muttered narrowing his eyes. “I’m going to assume you don’t want to share.” His shoulders hunch up a bit as if he was physically protecting himself from his own torn emotions. He felt like all he managed to do was open up Ken and dump salt in the wounds. Ken… hell all three of them were probably deeply concerned. No matter how cold he seemed, they were kind of a twisted, fucked up little family.

“I didn’t say you could interact with him...but I’m getting ahead of myself.” He took the nearly burned out cigarette from Aya’s fingers and crushed it out in the ashtray. “No, I do not want to share. You’re too perfect of a prize and I’m greedy.” He tilted Aya’s head up with his free hand unable to resist any longer. With excruciating delicacy Schuldig brought his lips to meet Aya’s for the briefest of moments. It was so hard for him not to just crush Aya’s mouth under his own. When he pulled away his breathing had gotten heavier.

Aya didn’t bite or fight it but he didn’t exactly kiss back either. His amethyst eyes never closed as the other’s lips pressed to his. The redhead pulled his legs up on the couch putting his arms around them and turned his face away once the other had finished. “I don’t want to see him.” He finally said. It wasn’t anything against Ken at all but he felt it would hurt too much to see him now. His own shame making him pull further away from what they had together.

He’d even given up looking for ways to get out of his predicament because deep down he knew Schuldig would find him no matter where he hid. He’d waltzed into his mind and now could come and go as he pleased. No one around him would be safe with that mental connection now established.

Schuldig’s smile looked very satisfied. That was exactly what he had wanted to hear. Things were going so well and his heart was thumping a little in his chest. “That’s probably a wise decision.” He would definitely have to reward Aya with something special tomorrow. “Are you going to be willing to talk to me now?” The German didn’t bother trying to turn Aya’s face back towards his but he continued to keep his arm firmly about the other man. “I would like to know some more things about you.” He almost added, so that I can better tease you later but he figured he’d let it slide. He also wanted to know so that he could give Aya the appropriate reinforcement for his behavior.

“I don’t know where to start.” Aya said firmly. “I don’t even know what it is that you want to know.” He shivered a little, prying himself away from Schuldig to get the blanket off the bed and wrap up in it. There were several long moments of him standing in the middle of the room before he hesitantly sat back down and leaned against Schuldig again. “Or was it me being a damn whore that you are so interested in. What is there to tell about it?” He shrugged his shoulders a little remembering how Schuldig had seemed particularly affected by those memories.

Schuldig laughed just a little. “I’ve already gotten what I wanted out of that little part of your life.” The German let the other man get comfortable. “What I want to know now is what you like. You obviously have discriminating tastes. You look amazing in that black silk by the way.” In truth Schuldig didn’t want to hear about that part of Aya’s past anymore. It just brought up too many distasteful memories of his own and he refused to let those get the better of him again. If he could get Aya talking to him in regular conversation though that would go a long ways towards forming that bond Schuldig wanted so badly.

“I like … to read philosophy. I don’t know why. I just … do.” He closed his eyes. “I’m really not an interesting person. I’m not a big drinker, but I’ll partake sake from time to time.“ He’d never really talked about this sort of thing with anyone. Hell he hadn’t even really taken the time to think about it. They were just the little everyday things in life that didn’t seem important enough to bother sharing with someone else. “I guess I like expensive things; I can be kind of picky that way.” The entire time he talked he didn’t feel quite invested in it as if he were merely stating facts. There wasn’t much that he was all that passionate about.

The German merely nodded his head slowly a few times taking mental notes and he thought maybe he would bring Aya a book to read tomorrow. Definitely he was going to have to cart in a generator. The room was so cold now they could practically see their breath. He felt Aya shiver against him every so often and just wanted to warm him up under the blankets. Schuldig was facing a little bit of a dilemma here. There had been no warning that the weather would turn off cold so quickly. If he left Aya here alone he risked the other getting sick. Should he stay so that the redhead wouldn’t be freezing and miserable? He hadn’t thought to bring any warmer clothes for the man.

Aya brought his hands to his mouth and blew into them a few times. “I guess no one really has asked of my interests before. I don’t know what more to say.” He finally admitted. He looked at Schuldig again, it was obvious the gears were turning in his mind. Could he care for the German? Would Schuldig even give a shit about his feelings? Is that what the man wanted? He was terribly confused again all of a sudden.

Schuldig cocked his head to the side his brows knitting. “Really? That seems like a pretty normal question to me.” Hell, he even knew what some of Crawford’s hobbies were and they weren’t exactly bosom buddies. It occurred to him suddenly that Aya had probably shut himself off for so long and kept so many people out that he just couldn’t fathom someone actually being interested in who he really was.

The German pondered for a moment longer then untangled Aya from his side. He took off his blazer and handed it to the other man. “Put this on.” It was apparent that he was going to have to do something because the environment was not ideal for keeping Aya safe and comfortable. Funny how that was now Schuldig’s main concern, he didn’t even realize it himself.

“I’m going to go out and get a few things. I’ll tie you up with the rope this time; it’ll be softer on your wrists.”

Aya pulled on the blazer, nodding slowly in agreement. “Okay.” Was all he said but inside he felt anxiety about being left alone again. Suddenly he was mad at himself for it. This man was his enemy; shouldn’t he be happy when the other was gone? He stood up and walked to the bed then sat down pulling the blanket up around himself then offering out his wrists. 

Before the German could finish and leave he looked up at him. “Wait… can… you get me something hot to eat?” He asked tentatively.

Schuldig stopped the satin binding rope pulled half way out of the bag. “I can do that. What would you like?” He continued to fish out the rope then brought it over. “Give me your wrists.” The German started winding the rope around the bruised skin. The satin would feel cool and soft against the flesh of the assassin and so long as he didn’t tug or pull it wouldn’t cause him further damage. When he was finished with his knots he rearranged the blanket to keep Aya more fully covered. Now that the redhead was behaving things were going to be going much more smoothly.

Aya watched that crimson rope be wound about his wrists and knotted. Schuldig obviously knew his way around a bit of rope. All of Schwartz probably knew basic restraint techniques but the German took it to another level. “I don’t know… something with fish or soup.” His voice sounded miles away. “Thank you.” He finally said once Schuldig was done fussing with the blanket. He was starting to feel odd that he didn’t want to get away anymore. The main concern now was the cold really.

The German didn’t say ‘you’re welcome’ but instead, “I’m not going to tie you to the bed but if I come back and find out you’ve tried to get out of those bonds we are going to have a serious problem.” His voice was stern almost as if scolding a child. Schuldig really believed by this point that Aya was on the downhill slide anyway. He was also likely too weak to really try and do anything anyway. Worst case scenario would be he would get out of the room and become lost in the maze of the abandoned hotel. The coppery haired man was also giving Aya just a little bit of his ‘trust.’

“I’ll make sure it’s hot, don’t worry.” As he walked to the door he did snatch up the duffel however. It still contained his supply of the knock out drug he had given Aya on the first night along with the needles. He didn’t want the redhead getting any bright ideas. “I won’t be long.” He left without another word the door clicking softly shut behind him.

Aya watched him leave and then looked down at his bound wrists. “If I don’t … try.” He frowned, weighing heavily on whether trying to escape was even worth it now. Finally he gave up and just closed his eyes curling into a ball underneath the blanket. He really missed the other guys all of a sudden, even Yohji’s antics which typically rubbed him the wrong way.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, the last few months have been rather hectic in my life and I've been unable to devote much time to writing, let alone editing. Please enjoy and hopefully chapter 7 won't be so long in coming.

Nearly an hour had passed before Schuldig made his way back to the hotel. The duffel bag was slung over his shoulder and filled to almost bursting. He also had a small 6.5 kW generator in one hand and a small electric space heater in the other. The evening sky was a steely grey hinting at the first snowfall of the year. The German would not be surprised if it started in the next hour or so with the way the weather felt outside.

Honestly he was fighting back a little bit of nervousness. Schuldig scoffed as though he could not possibly be feeling such a thing. It was so out of character for him. In truth though, he was almost 100% sure that Aya would still be in the hotel room but there was that nagging never the less. If the redhead had managed to escape he’d have to waste time tracking him down and bringing him back under heel.

Holding his breath slightly he opened the door and found Aya lying in almost the exact same position he had left him. He was not entirely sure if the redhead was sleeping so he tried to be quiet. In the space of a few minutes he had set up the small generator and plugged the heater in. It would take a while for the warmth to spread throughout the room.

There was a small dining room area just off the bedroom with a table and chairs. Schuldig brought the duffel over and started pulling out various take out boxes from several different restaurants. Soon the smell of delicious food was wafting through the air.

Aya opened his eyes, sitting up and looking to where the scent was coming from. He had dozed off but the smell of good food pulled him right out of his nap. Carefully he tugged on his restraints a bit as he shifted his body around. The redhead glanced around and was a bit relieved to see that space heater. He had been pretty cold sitting in the room by himself. It was not long though before his eyes drifted back to those take out boxes.

“What did you get?” He asked tersely, not wanting to come off sounding desperate by any means. Swallowing though Aya found his mouth already watering a little.

“Noodles, miso soup, onigiri, agedashi dofu and gyoza.” He may have gone a bit overboard but he had no idea what Aya might actually like to eat so he figured a variety would be best. Schuldig would probably nibble on some of it too but his appetite was small to say the least. Once more he reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle of sake then a bowl and poured some water from a bottle into it. He placed the sake bottle in the water filled bowl and set it on top of the little space heater to warm. 

Schuldig may have been born and raised in Germany but he had spent his fair share of time in different parts of Japan and was well familiar with its culinary customs. He also knew that when you heated sake it increased the effect of the alcohol and he may be able to get away with pushing a bit more if Aya became tipsy.

Aya nodded but did not move from his position. From the look of things it seemed like he was waiting for permission. “Sounds good.” He licked his lips a little then side glanced at the sake; it was really the only alcohol he ever partook of. Still he sat frozen in place waiting patiently. Other than in his more revenge driven days Aya really was quite a patient individual.

Noting the change Schuldig slowed down a bit, taking his time to pull out the individually wrapped hashi and some napkins. It would be another minute or so before the drink was ready. He had even gone to the trouble to buy a small sake set. Aya was being exceptionally good and Schuldig wanted to encourage the behavior.

“Come, sit.” He finally said moving to get the bottle of sake from the heater and placing it on the table. The room was finally starting to warm up a touch and neither man could see his breath now. “It might snow tonight.” Schuldig commented offhandedly. He did not know why he had said that. It felt sort of strange to him to be making small talk but it might get Aya to open up more.

Aya rose padding over quietly on bare feet. His footsteps were silent even in the roughed up state he was in. He sat down placing his bound wrists in his lap. “I like the snow.” He responded, voice quiet and calm. “I usually like to take walks late at night when it’s snowing … I love the silence. It makes that ringing in your ears, you can hear everything around you.” His stare seemed a mile away like he was looking through Schuldig instead of at him.

That was quite possibly the most Aya had said at one time during the duration of his captivity. It surprised Schuldig a bit but he did not let it show, instead he walked around the table to Aya and undid the bonds at his wrists. Aya’s words brought back a memory from Schuldig’s childhood; the crunch of snow soft under his boots as he ran away into the snowy night. He remembered the quiet that Aya was talking about...so silent you could almost hear your own heartbeat. 

Shaking his head a little he coiled the rope binding and set it down on the counter. “Eat, I know you’re hungry.” He filled the ceramic sake bottle with the now warmed rice wine then filled a tiny cup for Aya. After a moment’s hesitation he filled his own as well.

Aya blinked his eyes a few times seeming to come back to the present situation. Starting to eat slowly he did not shovel food in his mouth even for as hungry as he was. He seemed to be savoring every bite of it. Aya figured nothing was worth doing unless you took the time to enjoy it. At least that applied to a fair number of things in his life from a long hot shower on a cold day to savoring a meal. 

“This is good; you didn’t go to the cheap joints for it.” He commented.

Schuldig raised his eyebrows and took a sip of sake. “The last thing anyone can ever call me is cheap.” Fact was, he all already spent a good deal of money on Aya at this point and gone to a lot of trouble. He was not expecting that to earn him brownie points however. Schuldig did not work that way. The money was never going to be an issue and he’d spend it freely on Aya till the end of days if it so pleased him.

“You’re appreciating it. That’s all that matters.” There was something about the tone of his voice when the German spoke that was a little unsettling. Aya was being grateful for what was being given to him. It was simply food and warmth but how far would that appreciation go when Schuldig started wanting to ‘give’ Aya other things?

Aya ate quietly having nothing more to say until he finally sat back in his seat. He was full now and his cheeks were a little flushed. Most of the bottle of sake was gone though it was not obvious if he was drinking away his situation or just really enjoying the warm beverage.

He looked to Schuldig and it was obvious the redhead was trying to get a read on him. To one with mind powers like Schuldig Aya probably seemed like he was a blind man feeling for his surroundings with his hands. He just kept staring at the German’s face and frowned a bit when he could not seem to come to any sort of conclusion as to the other’s motives.

“You know, for being so cold all the time you’re face sure does betray you a lot.” Schuldig helped himself to the last of the sake, feeling the warm liquid slide down his throat the following warmth spreading through his chest was pleasing. Everything right now was pleasing; especially Aya with those flushed cheeks. The German stood and stretched just a little. Most of the food was gone as well and Aya had been responsible for that. The evening was fully upon them now and the light outside had gone from grey to black.

It was probably a very strange thing for Aya, sitting here in the company of a mortal enemy and yet being taken care of better than any time he could remember. Sure Ken had ‘taken’ care of things like most of the domestic chores and what not. He cooked amazing meals but never especially for Aya. Even their first time making love had been more about Ken’s needs and wants. Even though Schuldig had invaded his mind and threatened him, the German had done so much solely for the redhead’s sake.

Aya looked a little surprised for a moment and then lowered his head staring down at his hands. “I guess so… but not a lot of people know how to read a person like an open book no matter how closed off or open they are.” He fidgeted a bit, twisting his fingers this way and that. 

Eventually he lifted his gaze back to Schuldig staring him straight in the eyes. “Why me?” He finally asked. Aya wanted to know why the German had such a focus on him. He could guess that his mind was like a candy store to the German’s bizarre tastes but he really had not spent all that much time muddling around in his mind that he could tell. Aya could not help to think that there was more going on here than met the eye.

Schuldig broke their gaze and walked over to look out the window into the dark field beyond the back of the hotel. On a quiet night like this if he opened it they might be able to hear the sea. “You’re very...tortured. I like that. I like suffering and misery and making people hurt.” The German was being incredibly honest and he was not quite sure why such words were slipping past his lips. He tried to convince himself that it did not matter. Who cared what he told Aya? The redhead would never have the opportunity to use anything he said as blackmail. Schuldig did have a reputation to keep up though and he stiffened his posture coming out of that relaxed state of being.

He neglected to include the reasons behind why he liked causing grief to other people so much though. Somewhere deep down inside he wanted to make everyone pay for their happiness. He wanted to destroy, scream and rip things apart...because…because he could not do these things to himself. It was obvious the German was in deep thought, lost somewhere in his own memories as Aya had been earlier.

Aya stood up, feeling the buzz from the alcohol running through him. He was finally warm and it made him a bit more relaxed. Slowly he walked up behind Schuldig but kept a bit of distance though. “I don’t deserve happiness.” Aya said his voice going flat and low. “So I guess I’m a good choice in that area.” He lowered his gaze to the floor, away from that coppery hair flowing down the other’s back. “I’m sure there are more miserable people in this world than me though.” He turned away to walk back to the bed. 

Schuldig turned from the window suddenly grabbing onto Aya’s arm before he could get too far away from him. Whipping the redhead around to face him Schuldig gripped his other arm tightly to hold him in place. “None of us deserve happiness.” His tone was low and dangerous sounding. “Your pain, your sacrifice, is the sweetest I’ve ever tasted. In all my years in this I’ve never found someone so consumed by revenge and self-loathing.” He pulled the redhead slightly closer so that their faces were mere inches apart. “I delight in making that pain of yours worse, in making you question yourself. Why do you think I’ve gone to all this trouble?”

What he could not tell Aya was that over the past few days he had begun to bond with him. He had seen things in Aya that dug painful gouges into the memory of his own past. Schuldig may have been fucking with Aya’s head to try and break him down, make him easier to handle but Aya had also done something to change the German as well. It had started with him wanting the ultimate play toy. Aya would have been his prize achievement but now, it went beyond that and it shook the German to his core.

Aya took a sharp intake of breath as he was suddenly grabbed and spun. He stared into Schuldig’s face his eyes widening a bit. “I don’t… want to be unhappy but…. I guess that is my lot in life. I am questioning myself but this isn’t the worst I’ve ever felt. Better step up your game.” His tone turned flat and he tried to pull away.

The German dug his fingers into the flesh of Aya’s arm. Not only was he unnaturally fast but he had an uncommon strength as well. The redhead was not going anywhere. Schuldig was pissed at himself. He had given Aya too much too quickly because he’d been eager to move things along and now it was backfiring a bit in his face.

“I told you not to fucking test me.” His voice turned into a growl as one large hand clamped down on both of Aya’s wrists keeping them together. He drug the redhead towards the bed, his temper flaring. “I can make your life so fucking miserable you’ll just want to end it.” Schuldig flung Aya down onto the bed his own pulse rushing in his ears. “You’ll wish you were dead, but I won’t let you die.” Before Aya could scramble away the German was on top of him hands wrapped around that white throat. “No, because you are fucking mine and I’ll do whatever the hell I want with you.” He squeezed tighter but not enough to completely choke off Aya’s airway.

Aya’s heart rate quickened as Schuldig’s mood seemed to completely blow up. “You wanted me to be fucking honest with you, well I am!” He yelled back at him before being thrown to the bed. Aya had never really been one to think about an end to his life. Several times he had gone headlong into situations he never intended to come back from but even with as miserable as he’d been most of his life he couldn't fathom the threats the German was making.

Aya tipped his head a bit as the other grabbed his throat, his body starting to tremble but he could still breathe. He supposed that was a slightly good sign. “Sorry…” he murmured his voice small and shaken. “I just… tell it like it is.”

Schuldig’s whole body shook, anger written all across his face but it flickered out for a moment. The apology seemed to have caught him off guard and his hands loosened just a little more around Aya’s neck. The redhead had caught his bluff, even if it was unintentional. What did he have to risk in telling Aya that he didn’t really want to hurt him? The German cursed himself inwardly. Just as he had been wearing Aya’s walls down the assassin had been doing the same to him.

“Damnit!” He yelled, completely letting go of Aya’s neck and getting up from the bed quickly. Schuldig was back in the sitting area and had grabbed that rope again. He wouldn’t let Aya get the better of him. A small voice inside him chided, ‘He’s right, you’re losing your touch. You should have just broken his mind, fucked him and left him for dead.’ “Shit!” The German was grinding his teeth as he made his way back to Aya. He had to get out of here.

Aya sat up scooting back on the bed a bit, a hand up to his own throat rubbing the skin. He would probably end up with bruises after that one. It didn’t take much to mar that white skin of his. 

“What? I don’t understand! You want me to tell you what I’m thinking and then it pisses you off. Make up your mind.” Aya’s voice got a little bit on the hostile side. He was tired of being confused. “I appreciate the good food but nothing else you are doing makes sense. “ He lowered his gaze to the floor. Aya was a stickler for logic. It was part of his struggle with emotions, as in most of the time those rarely made sense.

It was true; Schuldig had definitely been across the board and back in his treatment of Aya over the past few days. He gripped the bondage rope so tightly in his hands that it bit into his flesh. He stopped and just stared at Aya for a long moment. “I don’t understand either.” His voice was low. 

He could not bring himself to say it out loud. Could not admit that what he really wanted was Aya’s affections. The redhead was probably the worst person he could be fixated on for that reason but it was how things stood. Aya had something that he didn’t, that he’d never had. Schuldig lowered his head coppery hair falling all about his face. He was facing quite the dilemma. Did he just shut everything away inside and force Aya to be his obedient pet like he had planned or… He did not want to think about the other option. So many emotions were tearing through the German at that moment. He did not know what he wanted. Did not know if he wanted to kill Aya or kiss him or give him a beating. The German felt like he was losing his mind.

Aya frowned and seemed taken aback. This was the man in control of his life as it stood and he did not even know what he was doing. He stood up from the bed, watching him warily and could not tell if he was in immediate danger or not. It seemed the German was getting pretty tightly wound.

“Will you just kick my ass or fuck me or kill me or something? Make up your damn mind!” Aya yelled, the redhead getting frustrated from all of this. He bolstered up his nerve and took a step toward the other man. Schuldig’s extreme mood swings were starting to wear on him.

Schuldig’s head shot up and he let go of the rope. It dropped in blood stained coils about his feet. He closed the distance between them fast one hand locking around Aya’s waist the other behind his head. His injured hands left crimson smears on the black satin. He kissed Aya hard locking the redhead’s body to his own. 

His tongue sought out the warm interior of Aya’s mouth. He poured every single conflicting emotion into that kiss as if he could fill the assassin up with his own regrets. As if somehow the very act would cleanse him. 

Aya froze as he came at him but with that kiss the redhead kissed back just as aggressively. In the confusion of it all Aya responded to the directness of the act. He raised a hand to the others chest and gripped the German’s shirt into a tight fist. Pushing his body against Schuldig’s he matched the pressure of the other man.

The German let out a low growl in his throat feeling Aya respond to him. So that was the way of it? Here he had be wasting all this time trying to unlock the redhead and getting himself all tangled up when he should have just been doing things this way from the start.

Schuldig may have only been an inch taller than Aya but that did not stop him from lifting the other up from the floor. Still kissing him he walked them to the bed his heart thumping wildly in the cage of bone in his chest. A new feeling was boiling up inside him and it threatened to consume everything past, present and future.

He released his hold on Aya letting the other tumble down onto the sheets then his fingers began quickly working at the buttons on his shirt. Schuldig could not pry his eyes away from the beautiful man that lay before him. He was growing so hard he ached. The whirling thoughts of his normally chaotic mind blissfully blank.

Aya fell back on the bed staring up at Schuldig. The paler assassin was definitely one to be more direct. Conflicting emotions and questioning your motives seemed to just cause friction. His amethyst gaze was intense, suddenly it was hard to tell who was in control anymore but for now Aya was going to try and avoid pushing the other’s buttons as long as he could. 

Schuldig shrugged the blazer off his shoulders. With deft fingers he unbuttoned Aya’s silk shirt letting it fall from him to expose his pale and scarred body. Once again, seeing Aya’s scarred chest sent a thrill through him. He quickly dislodged the offending shirt and was on top of Aya kissing him roughly again. His hands moving over taught flesh down to the edge of Aya’s sleep pants. Schuldig could feel Aya’s length through the silky material and he broke their kiss momentarily. “You want it this way, don’t you?” He said breathlessly, curling his fingers over the waistband and tugging downward.

Aya put his arms around the back of the German’s neck, his hands clenching into fists. His breath was coming in quicker now. “I want you to stop being confusing.” He growled. “I want you to take and take and take, just stop questioning yourself. I know what I want but I can’t have it and that excites you; my pain, my suffering. Just take it already!” His mouth was just inches from Schuldig’s and he finished his words by nipping at the others lower lip.

Schuldig hissed at Aya’s teeth grazing his lip but he smiled all the same ripping the redhead’s pants down and off of him in one fluid motion. He leaned down to savage Aya’s throat with hot kisses and teeth. Leaving little bruises as he went, all Schuldig wanted to do was markup that pretty pale flesh. Leave his signature behind so there could be no denying who the redhead belonged to. It did not matter what Aya wanted anymore the German was too far over the edge and did not give a fuck.

While his mouth worked at Aya’s neck his hands were busy releasing himself out of his own pants. He pushed the frustrating things away. Pressing himself against Aya Schuldig let the assassin feel the heat of his hard cock.

Aya took a sharp intake of breath through his teeth when he felt the others hardness against him. His head had tilted to the side to bare that white throat for the German. He was not thinking at all now, just feeling. Aya did not want to push the struggle of an emotional war into the middle of this. He almost felt like he was sorting out Schuldig more than his own issues right now. Aya realized that in a very, very fucked up way this was like therapy to the German. 

Arching his back he bit into his lip, hands snaking down Schuldig’s back. He edged his fingers, nails biting a little into the others skin. He knew that Schuldig was marking up his throat; in a small way the nail marks were his way of retaliating.

The German shuddered a little feeling Aya’s nails sink into his back. That little bit of pain was good and it drove him further. Schuldig had worked his way to the other side of Aya’s throat and bit down hard in the space between the redhead’s shoulder and neck. He wanted to bury his face in the way Aya smelled and tasted. His fingers sought out the redhead’s member and began to tease him, coaxing that primal need out of the other man.

Aya tipped his head back and gave a bit of a ragged gasp as Schuldig bit down into the crook of his neck, his hips thrusting a bit into those coaxing touches. There was a sexual need growing in his gut; a hot fire had been lit inside him. “Schuldig.” His voice was ragged and breathless. He never imagined he would be saying that name in such a way.

Schuldig was practically drunk from the redhead’s responses. Nothing but fire and lust; his mind was ablaze with want. Yes, burn it all away. Schuldig thought. Leave nothing left in there but me and the way I make him feel.

He pulled back locking icy blue with amethyst as his hand worked Aya more quickly. The German wanted to bring him to the edge and dangle him over it. He wanted the redhead hot and trembling before he took him. He wanted to hear him beg for it.

That lithe body beneath Schuldig’s started to writhe, nails’ dragging across the other’s back. He could not control his hips from bucking a bit, the friction and heat driving him mad. Aya’s gaze bore into the German’s with an intensity seldom seen. One of his hands tangled up in that coppery hair, pulling a little at it as he started to gasp. His legs trembled as he clamped them a bit around the other man’s waist. His cheeks flushed and sweat broke out on his brow. Finally he had to look away, the gesture unintentionally submissive. 

The German could not help but grin when Aya’s hand tugged at his hair. Just a few more strokes then he would take away the stimulation. The redhead was so close he could feel the pulsing of the flesh in his palm. He leaned down again to whisper in Aya’s ear. “You better not fucking come.” Definitely a command now and Schuldig sounded dangerous again even under the lustful tone his words held. He knew there would be long scratches down his back in the morning, red angry lines where Aya had left his mark.

Aya’s body stilled and he tried to take a few deep breaths to calm himself. “I won’t…” his voice trembled slightly. He did have a bit of experience with this sort of thing but it had been awhile since he’d heard a command like that. If it brought back any sort of unwelcome memories he did not let it show.

Schuldig slowed his stroking and eventually stopped altogether then rolled to the side. His own breathing was ragged. “In my bag…” he closed his eyes as if concentrating hard, “you’ll find what you need. Get yourself ready.” The German’s long silky hair spread out behind him like a neon halo. “I want to watch you.” He opened his eyes tilting his head finally to look at Aya. His hand wandered down to stroke himself lazily.

Aya slowly got up, his movements stealthy despite the physical sensations clouding his mind. The silent footsteps of the assassin never letting him forget who he was. Reaching into the bag his fingers easily found what the German wanted. Part of his mind screamed at him to be grateful Schuldig was putting this much thought into the whole thing. Another quick glance, but no condoms to be seen and Aya groaned inwardly. Of course he was going to fuck him raw.

He came back to the bed. The small bottle felt cool in his hand. A quick flick of the cap and he’d squeeze some of the lube onto his fingers to heat up. Setting the bottle aside on the nightstand he quickly went to work spreading the slick fluid before reaching back to penetrate himself. His head tipped back as he moaned a little, brilliant eyes fluttering closed. This might not be his ideal situation but he was going to try and get some pleasure out of it at least.

The German’s breathing was coming quickly as he watched Aya lube himself up like a pro. “Get on your hands and knees.” He was suddenly up forcing the redhead’s face onto the bed, his hand clamped down hard to the back of his neck. “Keep going...I want to see how you pleasure yourself.” Schuldig was enjoying himself immensely and the more Aya worked the harder he got. Soon...but first the German wanted Aya to push himself. He wanted to hear the redhead moan under his own skilled hands.

Aya turned his face a little, amethyst eyes gazing over his shoulder up to the man that had him pinned down. Slowly he started with a finger then two then three; pushing and stretching himself. Aya’s own groin ached as he moaned at the sensation, giving into to Schuldig’s twisted desires.

Schuldig jerked back bringing Aya up so his back was facing him, hand still clamped around the back of the other’s neck. He leaned forward his face next to Aya’s ear. “Tell me how much you want it. Tell me how much you want this.” He pushed his hard length up against Aya’s backside, forcing the other to stop what he was doing. The fingers of his free hand traced the contours of Aya’s slightly parted lips.

He let out a soft gasp at the German’s words. Aya closed his eyes, his head held still by that strong hand on the back of his neck. “Please… please fuck me.” It did not come out in a whisper but there was a bit of hitch in his words. His heart suddenly started beating faster. Aya’s hands seemed to be having trouble being idle; his fingers bawled up into the sheets beneath him.

The German suddenly let go of Aya’s neck grabbing tight to both hips and pushing himself inside roughly. For a moment Schuldig did not move his fingers leaving indents in the flesh. The redhead was so hot inside, so worked up and it was driving Schuldig crazy. He began rocking his hips forward and back pulling out ever so slightly then driving himself back in a little harder each time.

“This is what you want. You like being fucked, being used.” He wanted to hear all of Aya’s sounds, every little grunt, gasp and whisper. Schuldig was definitely taking and he would continue to do so until Aya was spent.

Aya cried out loudly at the rough penetration, falling forward a bit as the German let go of his neck. He held himself up with one hand under him. The redhead rolled his hips back as Schuldig began setting the pace. “Fuck.” The word escaped him as his body tried to accommodate the sudden assault. 

It was exactly what Schuldig wanted to hear and he quickened his thrusts. “I want you screaming by the end of this.” He planned on pounding Aya until he was sore. The German wanted him absolutely incapacitated tomorrow. Schuldig may have been impulsive and hot headed in a lot of areas of his life but fucking was not one of them. He had amazing stamina, quite possibly explained as a side effect of the genetic modifications he’d gone through. He continued to slide in and out of Aya building up the friction with each pass.

The redhead dropped his other hand to the bed needing both to stabilize himself now. The friction was driving him wild; feeling the other repeatedly bury himself inside. He did not bother stroking himself least he not be able to fulfill his command of not going over the edge. It did not diminish his desire to do so however. Turned out the German was good at what he did. Normally that thought would have disturbed Aya but he was far too gone to care at this point. 

“Please…” He whimpered.

“Please what?” Schuldig had barely worked up a sweat while Aya was trembling beneath him. He knew it had to be getting painful for the redhead by this point. The German did not think he’d punish Aya if he could not last; at least not this first time. The redhead may have had experience in these things but it had surely been a while. Schuldig planned to work him up to longer bouts until Aya could keep up with him. 

“I can’t…” Aya bit into his lip again gasping as the flesh turned pink. “I want to come.” He whimpered, his body tightening up. Aya was close but he was holding it to the best of his ability. The friction was starting to make him sore but he could not deny that he liked it a bit. In the past he had liked rough sex. It kept him from getting too wound up in his own head.

“Harder.” He finally said. The part of him that he had buried long ago was starting to come out. “Harder!” His voice rung out in the nearly empty room. “Please!”

Schuldig obliged by pulling all the way out and slamming back into him. The only thing keeping Aya in place was the German’s strong grip. Purple bruises were already starting to fill in where rough hands and fingers had been.

Schuldig continued to ride the other man hard, plunging himself in deeply over and over again feeling the lovely tremors coursing through Aya’s body. “Drekige hure!” Schuldig cried out. It may have been in German and under normal circumstances insulting but he could sense that boy from long ago who had been so good at selling his body.

The words did not faze Aya; he was not even fully listening to Schuldig anymore. The pounding of his heart in his ears drowned out almost everything. His eyes closed tightly and he cried out. Suddenly he lost his hold on himself and came, unable to stop it from happening. His back arched as his hips jerked forward. 

As that initial pleasure began to ebb he felt a pit in his chest; a bit of anxiety. He had been told not to do that. “Sorry…” his voice was just a little more than a whisper. 

The German had stopped while Aya came, letting the other’s orgasm wash through him. Schuldig twined his fingers through that red hair and pulled slightly. His voice was very, very husky sounding. “Just this once…” he trailed off unable to stop his hips from starting up that rhythm again. Aya would be sore and fairly dry but Schuldig certainly was not going to stop. He continued to pound into the redhead for several more minutes.

Aya’s body remained tense. He could not relax until the other was done. He did not complain though. Tipping his head he looked over his shoulder at Schuldig. Watching the German could almost get him hard again. Seeing Schuldig in a sexual light suddenly made Aya realize how very attractive he was. He had a certain carnal allure about him.

Schuldig liked that Aya was watching him; it definitely stroked his ego. Now he was almost putting on a show for the redhead and he knew those Amethyst eyes were just eating it up. The German could feel himself approaching climax, that familiar ball of white hot energy forming in his stomach. He tipped his head back, shutting those icy blue eyes, the long waves of his coppery hair shining in the low light as they cascaded down his back. Schuldig felt himself tip over the edge into that all-consuming black abyss of pleasure. His hips slammed forward one last time as he filled Aya with his seed.

Aya turned his head and cried out again, feeling that wash of heat fill him up. “Fuck.” His muscles tensed letting the German ride out his orgasm. Aya’s hips rocked but really he was letting Schuldig do most of the motions now. 

The German wrapped one arm around Aya’s waist then leaned back against the headboard pulling him along. The position allowed Aya to lean against the other’s chest. Schuldig continued to throb for quite some time still buried deep the other man. One hand reached up to tilt Aya’s head back so it would rest on his shoulder. “You will always be mine.” His words were a breathy whisper at Aya’s ear.

Those words caused a tightness to grow in Aya’s chest but he just nodded slowly. He had worked very hard in his life to shut down his emotions and so he slid back into that mind frame easily again. He leaned his head back letting out a soft sigh. He had a sudden thought that once Schuldig worked on him long enough he would not be able to go back to living without him. 

After a few more moments Schuldig shifted and pulled out of Aya just picking the redhead up and setting him down next to him. He had a relaxed expression and almost seemed content. Shifting to the edge of the bed he got up and found the pack of cigarettes and lighter. Cool smoke filled his lungs as he breathed in deeply. In the low light of the room it was still easy to see the hard curves of his musculature. He was very well defined and had an ass you could bounce a quarter off of. Aya was definitely beautiful and exotic looking but Schuldig possessed an innate masculinity that was highly attractive.

Aya moved himself to lie down on his side, really getting a good look at the German. He was attractive for sure and he had a sharp mind to go with that sharp body. Schuldig was a bit more built that Aya was but his strength far surpassed what a body that looked like that was capable of. 

“Can I have one?” He asked, his voice was now like velvet; calm and relaxed. Underneath though there was still a bit of an edge to it. 

Schuldig returned to the bed and sat down passing the long cylindrical smoke to the redhead and lighting it for him. He brushed his fingers through Aya’s hair reveling at the beautiful creature he had just possessed. “Do you need anything?” He took another drag before placing the pack on the bedside table. Aya had been through a lot in the past few days and after that rough bout of sex could probably use a bit of gentle handling. Schuldig was not completely insensitive. Besides he knew it built trust and he wanted Aya to trust him, though he could not quite grasp the reason.

“Just some water.” He told him, taking a deep drag off his cigarette. “Thanks.” Aya was still trying to calm his body and slow down his rapidly beating heart. Weariness started to settle over him; it had after all been a very eventful evening.


	7. Chapter 7

Schuldig went to retrieve a bottle of water. “Do you want me to stay?” There was not anything hidden behind the question. It was just straight up honest. Being still relatively early in the night he did not have to be anywhere till dawn. “Here.” He passed the water down to the redhead. “We should get you cleaned up when you’re done.” Standing by the bed smoking his cigarette he looked down and openly admired Aya.

Aya drank thirstily then sat the half empty bottle on the nightstand and leaned back to finish his cigarette. “No…” he said quietly. “But a shower sounds nice.” He snuffed out the smoke once finished with it, draping his legs over the side of the bed. The stiffness was already settling into his muscles.

The German actually reached down and pulled the redhead up to help him to the bathroom. He wasn’t entirely sure why he did it. It seemed and odd and foolish thing to do but it was almost as if his body was acting on its own. After guiding Aya in he turned to shut the door. “I don’t have to leave for a while.” Schuldig turned the shower on nice and hot letting steam fill the room. He rolled his head feeling some of the tension release from his neck, the realization hitting him of how tense he had been over the past few days. 

Aya steadied himself against the wall watching the other loosen up a bit. “Alright, then stay for a while.” He shrugged. “Well really… you’ll do whatever you want anyway.” There was no hostility in his words just a matter of fact statement that he knew Schuldig was in control of things. What he wanted did not really matter and the sooner he accepted that fact the easier things would be.

Schuldig pulled the shower door open and stepped inside reaching out to drag Aya in after him. The hot spray of water felt amazing and he positioned Aya in front of him underneath it. Grabbing the bar of soap he lathered up his hands really good and started running them up and down the redhead’s body. It was hard for him to keep his hands off the assassin now. He supposed he should stop thinking of him as such. Aya Fujjimiya was no longer a member Weiß. Schuldig was now his master even if the redhead had not fully come to terms with the fact yet. In a lot of ways it made things so much simpler. The German was sort of doing him a favor in a way...albeit a sick and twisted one.

Aya stood there quietly, just letting the hot water soak into his aching muscles. He let Schuldig do what he wanted, only occasionally opening his eyes to glance back at him. He did feel a little better now that he had good food in him and the sex had released quite a bit of physical tension but he still felt that pit in his chest. That uncertainty that now precluded his very existence.

The German continued to wash Aya all over very gently. He was admiring his handy work in the process. The redhead already had some lovely purple bruises forming. Schuldig probably would not mark him up so much next time but every time Aya looked in the mirror he wanted him to see them. See them and know the thrill of who had put them there. It was a reminder of who he belonged to now.

Schuldig soaped himself, rinsing away the sweat and aftereffects of sex. It occurred to him that he’d only brought in one towel. If this was going to be a regular thing he would have to bring in some more supplies. He really didn’t want to have to do that though. He wanted to get to the point where he could take Aya out without the prospect of the redhead getting away from him.

He reached up to Aya’s shoulders and began to knead at the knots there. Squeezing the tight flesh and letting go slowly. “Are you always like this?” It seemed even when he was relaxed Aya was strung pretty tight.

The redhead turned his head a bit, looking over his shoulder at the German. “Yeah… I don’t relax much,” he said his voice a bit quiet, “I’m always wound up pretty tight.” Aya tried to consciously relax his shoulders a bit as the other kneaded at them. Even if Schuldig’s hands did their job he’d likely tense right back up again once it stopped though. “These past couple days have been a little stressful.” Aya mused. 

“Fair enough.” The German dropped his hands and stepped out into the bathroom grabbing the damp towel from earlier and drying off the best he could. “I’ll bring you in another towel next time.” He dropped it on the counter and left, leaving Aya alone with nothing but the sound of the running water and the missing presence of his hands.

A few moments later however he poked his head back in. Schuldig had already redressed but he placed a folded up pile of clothes on the counter for Aya. This particular set was much more appropriate for the colder weather. Even with the heater going at full blast it wasn’t overly warm in the room. Schuldig had guessed at Aya’s size but wouldn’t be too far off the mark in either direction. A soft grey sweat shirt sat atop thick pair of flannel sleep pants. There was also a package of underwear and socks. “Take as long as you want.” He shut the door quietly, reasoning that this could be the redhead’s reward.

Aya stayed under the hot water for a while longer closing his eyes and just trying to let his mind go blank. Eventually though the water started to lose its warmth so he gave up the sanctuary of the shower and stepped out. The towel was pretty soggy but served the purpose of soaking up at least the majority of water droplets clinging to his skin. Before pulling on the proffered clothing he glanced in the mirror and even with the condensation on it he could see the marks on his neck. “Tch…” Aya made an annoyed little sound before exiting the bathroom and making a bee line for the heater. 

Schuldig had taken up his favorite position on the couch again; phone in hand, the light of it reflecting up onto his face. When he looked up he saw a far off look on the redhead’s face. “Where did you go?” Tucking the phone back into his breast pocket he stood up. Crawford had texted him wanting to know if the German planned on making an appearance tomorrow. He had some work that Schuldig’s particular talents could be useful for.

He turned to face him, eyes focusing back to reality. “I… don’t know.” Aya said his voice a bit listless. He crossed his arms to hold in the warmth from the heater. “I guess at least it isn’t freezing in here.” He didn’t really know what to say now; their bout of rough sex made him feel a little awkward to say the least, not to mention sore.

The German went to him placing his hands on Aya’s arms. It was beginning to be his favorite way of grounding Aya in the moment. “You’ll get used to things.” His own raging demons seemed to be put to rest for the moment and Schuldig was feeling much calmer. Apparently he had just needed to get some things out of his system.

“Look.” He turned the redhead toward the window. Big fluffy white snowflakes had begun to fall while they were showering. “You said you liked the snow, right?”

Aya gazed out the window as he nodded his head a little. “It doesn’t snow much in Tokyo.” He couldn’t help a faint smile but it was merely a brief flicker across his lips. “It’s really coming down.” Somehow Schuldig’s touch made him feel grounded now; his mind was no longer zoning out. “You seem to have calmed down your chaotic moods.” Aya turned a bit to face him again meeting the other’s gaze. “Guess you got somethings figured out. It’s none of my business of course.” He added lamely.

Schuldig tilted his head to the side, long hair draping over one shoulder. “It might…actually be a little bit of your business.” His stomach tightened up. He wanted to tell Aya how different he was. That he wasn’t the same as some of the other pets he’d had over the years. “It’s different with you somehow.” Turning away quickly before Aya could say anything he went over and pulled one last thing from the duffel. A rather large paperback sat in his hands. “I don’t know if you’ve already read it but…” He sort of shrugged, holding out a copy of A History of Western Philosophy.

Aya frowned for a moment, unsure of how he felt about being different than any of Schuldig’s other play things but the thought quickly left him when he saw the book. He reached out gingerly to take it and flip its pages a bit. “It’s perfect.” He finally said after reading over the back of it a little. “Thank you.” His tone was flat but the sentiment was sincere.

“It will give you something to do besides sleep during the day.” Schuldig shrugged a little stuffing his hands into his pockets. He noted how worn out Aya looked. It kind of surprised him that the redhead was still standing at all. “You look beat. Maybe it’s time for you to rest.” It wasn’t really a question. The German could have just made him lay down if he wanted. His urge to just take Aya out of here was strong but he couldn’t justify it yet. It was still too soon.

Aya nodded before lying down, too exhausted to put up any resistance. He didn’t put the book down though, instead holding it against his chest as if it were some sort of lifeline. Sleep would take him quickly but for the one thought that circled in his mind. He didn’t want Schuldig to leave and that bothered him deeply. “You’re leaving, I assume?” 

Schuldig walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. “Not just yet.” He brushed stray strand of red hair from Aya’s forehead and cheek. “I’ll stay till you sleep.” The German didn’t particularly want to leave either. He wanted to strip them both naked again and burrow under the covers holding onto his precious new pet very tightly. Scooting up so his back was against the headboard he offered Aya his lap to lay his head in. He had been able to trust him earlier when he left without restraining him…but that was only for an hour. “Am I going to have to tie you up before I leave?”

Aya laid his head into the German’s lap and nodded. “Probably.” What point would there be in lying now? His eyes began to drift shut. Letting out a soft sigh he could feel sleep trying to pull him under. 

At least he had been listening when the German said he hated being lied too. It didn’t take long for Aya to drift off and Schuldig slipped his head onto a pillow quietly. He could have sat there all night watching the redhead sleep but after that text from Crawford he figured it might be best not to stay too long. Before locking Aya up for the night Schuldig removed the takeout boxes and cleaned up a bit making mental notes here and there on what he should bring tomorrow night. As quietly as he could he clasped that ring of metal around Aya’s wrist and fixed him to the headboard again...this time with his arm much lower though. It would most likely be the first night the redhead had gotten any decent sleep so Schuldig wanted him to be comfortable. He had more than earned it. He made sure the heater was well away from the bed so nothing would catch fire and then dimmed the light on the little battery powered lantern before gathering his things and leaving.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. Here is chapter 8 finally! There is stuff I'm not happy with but I can't nit pick at it forever.

Crawford had prepared quite the ‘to do’ list for Schuldig. Everything had already been written up and the bespectacled American handed the paper over without even glancing up from the file in his hand. He seemed to be completely absorbed as he made his way out of his own office pulling a phone from his pocket. Farfarello twirled in his desk chair watching the scene play out with minimal interest.

“Woo…” he let out a low whistle. The list was bordering extreme in its length. Schuldig was very talented but some of the things Crawford was expecting of him would take hours. He sighed and rolled his eyes a bit. It was going to be a long night and tomorrow promised to be even longer.

Turning to Farfarello he raised a well-groomed brow. “I'm surprised Crawford isn’t pitching a fit that you’re sitting in his chair. Let alone spinning around in it.” He eyed the list again with a rather dramatic sigh trying to decide where to start.

“I threatened to stab holes in it.” Farfarello said in a matter of fact tone. “Big list huh? You don’t think he’s purposefully trying to keep you away from your little pet?” He raised one wiry shoulder in a shrug. Farfarello could be a shit stirrer sometimes. “Either way I hear we are leaving the country soon.” Reaching for one of the pens off the desk he started clicking the tip in and out repeatedly with his thumb.

“What?” Schuldig’s voice sounded more concerned that he wanted it to be. “Leaving? But we just got here?” He looked to the list again hoping it would maybe hold some clue as to the sudden change in plan. On any given day the German would not have given a rat’s ass where they were. In fact, he found it to be one of the many perks of being involved with Schwartz; he never had to stay in one place for too long and had already gotten to see much of the world because of it. Now though this bit of news greatly upset his plans. Aya was just starting to come under his full control and he felt he had really made a breakthrough with him tonight. He tried not to let a tide of emotion well up inside. The sneaky suspicion that Crawford was trying to make his life miserable did not surprise him in the least.

The Irishman shrugged. “Don’t think it’s pronto, but he did bring it up earlier.” He scratched at his scalp with the pen, clicking it on his skull a few times for good measure. “Something about Europe I think.” Farfarello turned his intense, one eyed golden stare to him before throwing his feet up on Crawford’s desk. It was true that Crawford typically backed them up on things. There was probably someone tugging at strings that made him want to drag them all back to Europe. 

Schuldig’s hand clenched around Crawford’s little note but he managed to keep his cool none the less. He needed to figure out what he was going to do with Aya once they left. To be honest, he had not planned that far ahead. If he had broken Aya too badly; made him too codependent then he might not be capable of integrating back into society without the German’s assistance. “Damnit.” He flipped a length of coppery hair over his shoulder. “It was looking like his only option would be to drop the redhead back into the hands of his former companions and that did not sit well with him at all.

Farfarello stood and approached Schuldig. He had a feline predatory step to him. The way he moved often looked like he was stalking something, when he was not having one of his spastic fits that was. He peered into the German’s face. “Inconvenient…” he muttered lowly. “You seemed to be happy today.” He had efficiently noted the instant decline in Schuldig’s mood. It was practically palatable in the air.

The German leaned back a little as Farfarello got in his face. The other man did not make him nervous or repulse him but sometimes Schuldig had a rather large personal space bubble, especially when he was on edge. ‘Happy.’ That was a strange sensation for the German. Maniacally gleeful? Yes. Murderously indulgent? Sure. But just plain happy was a bit out of character. 

“Incredibly.” His voice got low and his eyes darkened to an almost midnight blue. Schuldig felt the need to break something. “You want to tag along?” He held up the crumpled paper in front of Farfarello’s face. At least the Irishman might be able to keep his mind off things. Maybe a little bit of mayhem would put him in better spirits?

His brow rose as the paper covered all of his view and he lifted a hand to push it aside. “Of course.” Farfarello shoved his hands into the pockets of his tight pants. “I’m always available to help you out.” It was the closest thing to amicable companionship Farfarello had and it was just more of a mutual understanding than anything else. “I guess at least you got to get some enjoyment out of your pet.” He added going back to the rather raw topic. “They usually don’t last this long.”

He debated on whether or not he should divulge anything to Farfarello. Schuldig did not relish the fact of the Irishman knowing about this particular...weakness. He flinched inside at that word. Was Aya really a weakness to him? Just because he’d had a little trouble getting things started did not mean that...his mind trailed off refusing to think about it any further.

Farfarello was right; Schuldig never kept a pet more than a couple of nights. It was not the loyalty or the fact that they would do anything he asked. That was not the point for him. It was about breaking them, that’s the part the German liked. Once he’d had his fun he either just abandoned them or gave them over to Farfarello if he’d taken an interest.

“I like this one.” He finally admitted. “He’s been keeping me amused.” Turning from Crawford’s office he moved out into the penthouse and towards the elevator. There were a few things on Crawford’s little list he and Farfarello could at least get done with the remainder of the evening.

Farfarello followed him with a bit of a hop in his step. He was going to go out for a bit with the German and he had been cooped up for a while. This could be fun. He seldom, if ever pried into the German’s business. He figured if he needed to know Schuldig would tell him. People’s personal lives rarely interested him.

The two members of Schwartz spent the remainder of the night and into the early hours of the morning playing errand boys for Crawford. By the time they of them rolled back in to the penthouse it was almost 8 AM Schuldig was starting to fatigue some. It was an odd feeling for him, apparently his little tryst with Aya the evening before had taken it out of him. After a few hours’ sleep he got up, showered, dressed and headed back out with Farfarello in tow again. He wanted to get as much done as possible so he would not have to leave Aya alone for too long. 

Crawford looked up when the two finally came back. “Finished with everything?” He asked not even waiting for one or both to enter into his office.

Schuldig let out a little annoyed puff of breath then motioned for Farfarello to continue on to his room. There was little point in putting them both through Crawford’s interrogation. “Yeah, everything is in order now.” He walked over and just flopped down in one of the chairs opposite Crawford’s desk. “So, I heard from Farfarello you’ll be taking us back to Europe soon.” He leaned his head back letting all that hair fall down over the back of the chair. “Does this have something to do with our backers or are you pulling some strings on your own?” It was possible for the two to have a civilized conversation from time to time; mostly when the German was too worn out to antagonize Crawford.

Crawford just looked up at him and shook his head a little. “A bit of both, I’m having trouble with the European branch right now and I feel if we were there that things would move more smoothly. They also want us there to get things moving as well. There have been some issues that require the specialties we offer.” He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with one finger.

The German closed his icy blue eyes. “When are we out?” He did not even care at this point if Crawford made the connection. At least he did not know where he was keeping Aya so making arrangements for his departure would be easier. He just needed a time frame to work with, that way he would know how much farther to push things. As much as he completely wanted to own the redhead he knew if they were leaving soon he could not leave him totally incapacitated. ‘What the fuck am I gonna do with him?’

“Three days tops.” Crawford told him. He turned on his computer and waited for it to boot up before getting to his work. It appeared that their conversation was effectively over. Crawford could be a real hard ass when he had people breathing down his neck. He knew full well what Schuldig was up to but he had bigger concerns than his teammate’s leisurely pursuits. 

“Gotcha, no problem.” Schuldig stood up and stretched then yawned feeling like some caffeine was in order. It had continued to snow through the night and off and on during the day. Maybe he would bring Aya some coffee? He would definitely need to stop and pick up dinner for the two of them. “Three days is fine.” Walking towards the office door he stopped and turned. “Do you need anything else from me before we go?”

“No, Schuldig. I release you into the wild.” He said a bit of sarcasm in his voice though he did not lift his gaze from the computer. “The next three days are yours. Do not waste them.”

Without another word Schuldig went to his room to pack a few things up. He would keep Aya until the last possible second making sure to get every ounce of enjoyment out of the redhead that he could. The situation was not ideal but he was finally forming a plan on what to do with Aya when he left. It would be rough and in reality Schuldig would more than likely not be able to get him back when they returned to Japan but he was out of ideas.

Trying not to think about his three day deadline the German headed out into the snowy streets of Tokyo. Pushing the button on the dash of his car he contacted the most expensive French restaurant he knew of. If he continued to indulge Aya and play up a bit to that snob side of the redhead it might make the next few days easier. He did not anticipate Aya giving him much trouble from this point forward but it never hurt to give him a few luxuries. Schuldig would not admit to the tiniest thread of guilt he felt worming its way through his heart.

The blackness of sleep engulfed Aya for a solid 10 hours and surprisingly no dreams troubled him. When he awoke his muscles were stiff but at least he felt well rested. It was difficult to tell the time by the slant of the morning light alone. He knew it would be several hours before Schuldig’s return at least so he pushed himself up gingerly and reached for the paperback that he’d pushed aside in his sleep. Delving into the text Aya figured he could at least escape this nightmare momentarily.

After Schuldig’s prolonged absence Aya was starting to get nervous and more than a little frustrated. In his discomfort he’d had to resort to pissing in one of the empty water bottles. At least the snacks Schuldig had left had abated the hunger pangs though. 

There was also that persistent nagging feeling in his mind that he actually wanted to see the German. Aya found it hard to ignore the undeniable anticipation of him coming. Or the frightening thought that maybe now that Schuldig had taken what he wanted he was just going to leave Aya there to rot. 

Squinting at the half read volume in his hand he sighed finding it increasingly hard to focus. Eventually he gave in and brought his knees up to his chest setting the book aside to stare at the door. He would remain like that for almost another forty five minutes before Schuldig finally turned the knob and walked in. 

Catching Aya staring at the door surprised him a little. The redhead was so intent he probably could have burned a hole through the wood. “Got held up.” Was all Schuldig gave him for being late. The German was laden down with several bags this go around. He went about setting things down in their proper places before going over to Aya. “Miss me?” The German leaned down and kissed the redhead boldly before unlocking the cuff around his wrist.

Aya’s eyes narrowed before the kiss his hands gripping the comforter that he sat on. Was this anger he was feeling at Schuldig’s nonchalance? As the other drew away he looked down to the floor. “Yeah … I thought you might not show up.” He glanced over to his makeshift toilet. “You were gone a long time. Had to use the bottle.” 

“Go on, get rid of it.” He moved back to let Aya up from the bed. It had been foolish to leave the redhead alone for so long but it could not have been really helped. Schuldig thought before moving into the sitting area and unpacking the take out boxes he had brought. “French cuisine from La Chatlaine.” He called out to the bathroom. When he was done pulling out the containers he removed a bottle of wine from the bag as well.

“There are more clothes for you and some other bathroom supplies in the bag by the couch.” Schuldig buzzed around getting their food ready. He had also brought a thermos of hot coffee to go with dessert later. The German wanted to treat his new pet. An apology perhaps for leaving the other alone for so long though he would never voice that thought out loud.

Aya finished washing his hands returning to the main room. “It smells good. I like French cuisine.” He glanced over to the bag on the couch. “I’d like a chance to shower first though.” Schuldig seemed pretty preoccupied so maybe he would grant him this one small request. It was obvious the German wanted him washed. Why else would he bring toiletries? 

Schuldig popped his head up. “Yes, of course.” He was busy rearranging things on the table. “Take your time. The food will keep.” It was amazing how charming he could be when he wanted too. As long as Aya kept himself in check things would go smoothly. 

Aya made a bee line back to the bathroom after retrieving the bag from the couch. The shower was a top priority for him at this point. He opened the door to the bathroom when finished having taken hardly any time at all. Scrubbed, clean and properly dressed he almost looked like a functional human being again.

Schuldig was sitting at the table sipping at a glass of wine. “Nice shower? How are you enjoying your book?” To the casual observer this may have seemed like a perfectly ordinary domestic scene, except for the slightly dingy hotel room. Schuldig spoke easily as if talking to longtime partner.

Aya crossed his arms over his chest approaching Schuldig unsure of what he was allowed to do and not do at this point. “I love the book. I’m about halfway through it already.” He put his hand on the back of one of the chairs pausing uncertainly for a moment before pulling it out to sit down. The German seemed to be in a decent mood.

With an indulgent smile Schuldig spoke. “I hope you weren’t too uncomfortable having to wait.” He wouldn’t apologize to Aya for being late but wanted to acknowledge some concern. “Please eat; you must be famished after last night.” Schuldig licked his lips a little noticing how unsure the redhead was. 

“You seem like you’re ready for some rules.” Most of the time Schuldig did not have to teach his pets how to respond properly to instruction; many were already familiar with the scene and knew how to behave appropriately. If they did act up it was usually because they wanted attention but Aya had absolutely no idea what he was doing. 

He looked to Schuldig. “I wasn’t… complaining.” He said a bit quietly. “Rules…” Aya tasted the word a bit unsure as to what it might entail. It appeared Schuldig was ready to start playing games again. “Alright… tell me then?” His amethyst gaze flitted to the German then back down to his untouched food. It did smell delicious but suddenly his appetite was not all there.

“Well, you’re already behaving much, much better. That will get you special privileges.” He indicated the rather pricey meal before them. “The better you behave the better you’ll get treated. If you start acting up again I’ll have to punish you though.” Schuldig watched for a moment to gauge the redhead’s reaction. When he just continued to eat he went on. “I don’t want to have to keep you locked up at night, but it will continue for a while. “Once I un-cuff you, you can get up and move around freely and do what you need to do to get ready for our evening together.” The German had uncorked the wine and poured some in his glass before offering to pour for Aya.

Aya listened intently, taking a small bite of his meal and chewing thoughtfully. “Alright.” He finally answered accepting the wine and giving it a taste. He himself wasn’t a big wine drinker but he would not turn it down. Knowing Schuldig it was probably expensive just like everything else he brought in. “Just… I don’t know how this stuff is supposed to work. I’ve obviously never been in this situation before.” Once again his voice sounded almost timid. This residual iciness was still there, probably would be till the day he died but there was a definite change in his cadence.

“Now that you’re...receptive to the situation I won’t punish you for making minor mistakes.” He took a sip of his wine having not touched his food at all yet. “You’re free to ask me questions if you don’t understand.” Schuldig paused then caught Aya’s gaze, locking it in place. “You can tell me what you want as well as long as it pertains to this situation.” He did not want Aya asking about going home. It would be better if he just thought Schuldig would have his claws in him forever. “If you want me to do something, just ask. However, you will fully submit to me in anything that I ask of you and you’ll never question my wants. If I tell you jump, you ask how high.”

Those deep blue eyes locked with his own and Aya felt his heart jump a bit. He even held his breath for a few long moments. Finally he bit his lip and nodded, going back to eating. “Understood.” He said nodding his head a little. This was certainly strange territory for him. He was used to being more in the position of telling others to jump. Back in the flower shop he had been responsible for most of the decision making for the business as well as ‘other’ things. Aya chewed the inside of his cheek and tried not to think about that.

Schuldig smiled sensing the other’s jump in heart rate. “That’s basically it. It’s very simple. You don’t have to make those hard decisions anymore. You’re life as an assassin is over and I believe that once things get settled you’ll find this life much more comfortable and to your liking.” He was making a pretty large leap in guessing that but he knew at one point in Aya’s past he’d gotten used to some of the finer things. Some of the redhead’s clients had treated him particularly nice. ‘Lucky fucking bastard.’

Aya nodded his head again listening to him. “What do you want me to call you?” It seemed there was a part of him that lingered from those days and he was slowly falling back into that role he had taken as a younger man giving in to others wants. After all his revenge was taken and the more he thought about it the more he realized his life had little purpose at this point. Be a killer or someone’s slave. Either way he would be following order. 

Honestly Schuldig had not really given it much thought. In the past all his pets had simply referred to him as Master and he had thought nothing of it. Schuldig of course was not his real name but it was how he was associated with Schwartz. If he could disconnect himself from that with Aya then it would be all the better. He took a deep breath in, let it go and finished the rest of his wine. “Judei...you can use that name.” It had been years since that name had left his lips and even longer since he had heard it spoken out loud.

“Judei.” Aya said as if committing the name to memory. He sat and pondered on it for a few moments before finishing up his meal. “I guess you’ll call me whatever you want.” It was not a statement meant to quarrel; he just simply said it for the sake of conveying his understanding. He polished off his glass of wine and got up from the table to stretch his body. Those long hours spent confined to the bed had made him stiff and sore.

The German continued to sit and picked at his food for a moment. “You’re right, I will call you whatever I want. But for now I’ll just stick to your name.” He watched Aya stretched those lean muscles. It was a shame he would have to let him go so soon. The pale man had a little dapple of bruises over his neck and hips. When he stretched and his shirt rode up Schuldig could see them. It evoked a pleasant sensation and fired his passion a little. 

He pushed himself up from the table. “Would you like to get out and stretch your legs a bit?” Schuldig knew the redhead was probably feeling very cooped up. Outside there was a beautiful white blanket of snow. It would be nice to walk through the field holding Aya close to him. Perhaps a bit sentimental and romantic but Schuldig was in the habit of indulging himself.

Aya looked to him giving a confirming nod. “I would like that.” He tells him, glancing at the window to see the endless white outside. For a moment he looked around the room for his boots. His memory of what had been done with his clothing was fuzzy at best. The days were all running together in a blur anyway. It seemed far more time had passed than normal but Aya’s sense of time was a little skewed at this point.

Aya’s boots were on the other side of the bed but his coat and other personal effects were nowhere to be seen. Schuldig pulled out a jacket and pair of soft leather gloves. He himself only wore a light jacket. The weather never seemed to affect him much so the German always just wore whatever he pleased. Picking the cuffs up from the bedside table he made a show of putting them into his pocket. “I won’t use these unless you make me.” He gave the redhead a pointed look. “However, I am going to blindfold you on the way out.” Schuldig did not want Aya to get a lay out of the building’s interior.

Aya went to the bed and put on his boots. He picked up the coat and gloves, slipping them on then stuck his hands in the pockets of the jacket. Walking up to Schuldig he stood there quietly waiting for him to put on the blindfold. It was a smart move on the German’s part, he had a calculating mind and would put getting the lay out to his advantage if he got even the slightest urge.

He pulls out that soft black handkerchief that he’d used on Aya the first night. Bringing it up to eye level he tied it quickly but gently around the redhead’s eyes. The silkiness of the material felt cool against the skin. Schuldig grabbed Aya’s hand and lead him blind through the building. If Aya had been counting he would have realized they were on the 10th floor. It took them a while to get to the bottom of the stair well since the German had to guide Aya along the steps. Eventually though they made it and Schuldig ushered the redhead to a back entrance. The unused hinges of the door squealed in complaint and then an icy blast of fresh night air hit them in the face.

Aya had indeed counted and that ruled out window jumping, though at this point he was all but losing his will to escape anyway. He could feel the brisk air on his cheeks as they made it out of the building and the crunch of the snow under his boots. He could not help but to smile a bit having been cooped up for several days now. “Feels good.” His breath drifted in a white fog through the cold night air.

The German led him several paces away from the building before taking the blindfold off. What lay before them appeared to have been a manicured garden at some point but over the months it had begun to choke with weeds. Now there was barely any hint that humankind had touched it at all. Beyond the garden lay the open expanse of field and after that, the shoreline.

After giving Aya back his sight Schuldig just stood there and watched him. He was ready to respond should the redhead do something stupid. He was really hoping he would not though. “Walk with me.” The German started down into the space which had once contained a garden, his coppery hair being the only color in the black and snowy white environment.

Aya looked all around, squinting a bit at the bright white but as his eyes adjusted he glanced back to his strange companion. He had taken a few steps ahead of him but backed up when the other told him to walk with him. Aya found he was leaning against him. “I guess for someone who worked with flowers so much it is odd I like winter … but I just do.” 

Schuldig noted the pressure of Aya’s shoulder against his. He wondered at that for a moment, appreciating how easily the redhead was making physical contact now. “I think it suits you, pale beauty that you are.” They had come to a dilapidated concrete fountain, or at least that’s what it appeared to have been. Covered in that thick blanket of snow it was hard to tell its original shape.

He turned to look at Aya. His white face above the jacket was tinged with pink at the nose and cheeks and that flaming red hair whipped about like fire dancing in the cold night breeze. The German’s breath was sucked out of him for a moment and he made a little gasp noise. “It’s like someone crafted you from snow and flame.” He could not resist reaching out and pulling the other into his chest.

Aya looked to him, his words made a hot flush come to his cheeks and he was unsure why. He did not really think he was all that special to look at but he has been told otherwise quite a bit. Aya was always unsure of how to take it. Leaning into the other’s embrace he closed his eyes for a moment. “If you say so.” A light shiver ran up his spine from the icy chill of winter.

He pulled the other in tighter to his chest. “You’re cold?” Sometimes the German forgot his own immunity to the weather. He had thought the jacket and gloves would have been enough to shield Aya from the elements. His own body though was like a furnace and was putting off quite a good deal of heat. 

Schuldig wrapped his arms around Aya in and almost crushing embrace. “You’re so modest about your looks. Don’t you know how incredible you are? The German had at one point wondered if Aya was a natural redhead. He did not seem the type to dye his hair but you never knew. He had been pleasantly surprised when he found out that the carpet did indeed match the drapes. In all his wanderings he had never met anyone that looked quite the way Aya did. According to his birth certificate he was full blooded Japanese but his coloring was something altogether different.

It had begun to snow again and big soft flakes drifted down lazily. The redhead kept in close to the others warm body, looking back out to the fresh snow. His mind was perfectly blank right now and there was a strange peace to that. Eventually though words did slip past his lips. “This garden must have been quite calming in its day.” 

“You don’t like talking about your looks?” Schuldig was getting absolutely no read off the redhead whatsoever. His mind was pretty much a blank slate. “It’s quite calming now I think.” His breath fogged in the air creating little puffs of steam. “This whole place is rather peaceful.” Schuldig had always been able to appreciate places abandoned by other humans. They were places of blissful quiet for his mind. He could never fully block out the thoughts of others but he had learned over the years to tone it down to background noise. But in a place like this the silence was almost intoxicating to him and in that intoxication Schuldig quietly inserted a thought into Aya’s mind. ‘Kiss me.’ 

Aya stopped and tentatively he reached out for the other man, putting his hands on his shoulders. He gazed at him intently, having this sudden burning desire to kiss him. It was almost like his eyes were searching the other’s but it was impossible to tell what Aya was looking for. Finally he leaned in close. “Can… I kiss you?” He asked his face mere inches from Schuldig’s. His body was a bit tense awaiting his answer and though his mind seemed blank his eyes were still sharp and piercing.  
Schuldig smiled, “Of course you can.” He could not wait to feel those hot lips pressed against his own. It nagged at him a bit though how absolutely empty the redhead had become. Was it not a good thing? The German could put whatever he wanted to in there...but that was not what he actually desired. For half a second his heart stopped thinking maybe he had pushed the other man too far.

Aya leaned in kissing him and feeling Schuldig’s lips lit a bit of a spark in his mind. ‘I want this…. right?’ The words echoed hollow in his head. There was still uncertainty in there but Aya learned quickly and he learned that pushing back meant he received punishments. The war that was fought in his mind was misery over nothingness and it seemed nothingness had won. Yet he recognized his need for the other man to provide food, to be warm and comfortable. The part of him that did not want Schuldig had been locked away behind the same wall much of his emotions were stored behind.

The German melted a little bit under Aya’s kiss. For a moment he just let the redhead do what he wanted before pushing back. His tongue sought out Aya’s mouth and before he could stop himself Schuldig was kissing the redhead back very hard. His hands held tightly to Aya’s hips pulling him as close as possible. Another moment and he finally managed to pull himself away.

Lust burned in those bright blue eyes and his breathing had gotten heavy. It amazed him that Aya could make him lose control so quickly. He’d always had so much restraint with his other conquests. Leading them on and dragging things out. Aya made him impatient. Aya made the void that much more apparent.

The redhead’s knees buckled a little at the fiery return kiss, his eyes fluttering closed. Once the other drew away he stood there a bit awkwardly for a few moments just staring before turning away. He kicked his feet around in the snow a bit, his heart beating rather fast in his chest. It seemed his body wanted Schuldig’s attention. “Thank you for taking me out.” He said in a gentle whisper barely picked up on the crisp breeze.

Schuldig tried to control his own rapid heart rate. “You needed to get out for a bit.” His voice was almost shaky. He could take Aya back inside and have another go at him but the redhead was sure to be sore from the night before. ‘Since when have you cared?’ The German’s inner voice chided him. He did not do things softly or gently and yet he found himself almost wanting to take the redhead nice and easy. Although Aya’s kiss had fired him up a bit it had not completely done it of his own free will. 

“Did you want to kiss me?” Schuldig asked out right. His arms crossed over the black blazer he wore.

Aya froze for a moment, swallowed and then turned to face him again. He nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets again. “Yes. I did.” He finally admitted, though he felt a nagging in his mind that it was wrong, that he should feel guilty for it. 

“You seem to enjoy it when I do.” Schuldig added. “A person would have to be crazy to not want a kiss from you.” He pushed himself off the fountain where he was leaning. “Did you want to walk more, or do you want to go back inside? You seem fidgety.” Schuldig placed his hand on the other man’s arm. “You’re doing really well, you know that?”

“I am getting cold.” Aya said, leaning against Schuldig again as he got close. “I’m doing well? I’ve been told I learn fast.” He bit his lip though; the inner fire within him was still burning hot. “Yeah… let’s go inside.” He closed his eyes and waited for the blind fold.

It was too easy. Schuldig blindfolded him and led Aya back upstairs to his ‘room’. The place was starting to look a little lived in. The German felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. With one hand he fished it out the other deftly removing Aya’s blindfold. “Shit.” He cursed when he saw who it was. “I’ve got to take this.” He grumbled and removed himself from the room.

Aya started pulling off the jacket and gloves, frowning as Schuldig left. He stood there in the middle of the room for a few moments before going and sitting on the bed to pull off his boots and snatch up his book. Opening to the page he had cornered Aya stared down at it. Blinking a few times his mind refused to focus. He glanced up to the door Schuldig had just left from and watched it intently.

Schuldig’s muffled, angry voice could be heard on the other side but the words were indistinct. A few minutes later he came back in with a look of pure murder on this face. He breathed in and out heavily as if trying to get a grip on himself. Finally he speaks. “Something’s come up.” Nagi had rung to give him the news. Apparently their little side trip to Europe would not be able to wait and they were leaving tonight. The ‘main office’ was calling them in to clean up some collateral damage in Austria. He slowly turned back towards that duffel bag of his knowing what he must do.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is extremely short and shouldn't have taken me nearly as long to post as I did. Some of my larger obligations are out of the way now though so I should be able to get back on track with editing the rest of this thing. It's certainly taken me long enough.

The German’s sudden anger made Aya very uneasy. It was clear the man had a temper but it was more than a little unsettling how he could swing from calm and collected to an all-out rage so quickly. Aya froze where he sat and watched Schuldig intently. He wondered for a moment if he would need to duck out of the way of some random flying object.

“Something has… come up?” Aya bit into his lower lip almost afraid to ask. It was obviously something that made Schuldig extremely unhappy. “Do you have to go already?” He asked, voice sounding more timid than he wanted it to. The little voice of annoyance at his actions though was barely a whisper in the back of Aya’s head now.

The German did not say anything but moved slowly over to the couch and pulled out the small case that contained two vials of knock out drugs. He then fished for the bag of sterile syringes and stoically brought them over to the bed. His eyes were cast in shadow from the long bangs of his hair. Dammit, he was not ready…  
Aya froze at the sight. Did he do something wrong? Schuldig had asked before if he needed to be restrained. In his brief panic Aya almost wanted to tell him it wasn’t necessary, that he would be good and wouldn’t go anywhere while the other was gone. The words never left his lips though for they seemed too foolish to say. Resigned he held out his arm. “I’m sorry… for whatever I did.” His voice was quiet now and he held as still as he could.

Schuldig finally looked up at him and there were almost a hint of angry tears in his eyes. He didn’t want things to be this way but he did have obligations and his reputation to uphold. “You didn’t do anything.” The German carefully pulled a needle from its bag, uncapped it then drew out a dose of clear liquid. “It wasn’t supposed to end like this.” His voice was oddly flat for the amount of emotion he was trying to suppress on his face. He leaned in and kissed Aya rather gently before sticking the needle in his arm. “I’m sorry.” Schuldig whispered injecting the drug into Aya’s vein.

Aya felt the cold creep of that drug going into his blood up his arm. A frown knit his brow at Schuldig’s lingering kiss before he lay back on the bed already feeling drowsy. “You… are sorry?” He stared up at the German, his vision blurring the other man’s face and hair into a mass of swirling color. Soon he wouldn’t care though as the drug pulled him further into a haze.

Schuldig leaned down down and kissed Aya on the forehead before the other’s eyes closed; red lashes resting against the curve of a white cheek. “Dammit.” He wasn’t ready to let him go yet but there was little alternative at this point. Getting up and going into the hallway he unlocked the room next door. Inside on the bed was Aya’s coat, his car keys, phone and wallet. Schuldig had taken the battery out of his phone so the GPS couldn’t be used to track the redhead’s location. These items he gathered up then returned to the other room for Aya sleeping form.

The redhead was now fast asleep, the drug having worked quickly in his system. Schuldig really would have liked to at least made love to him one last time. ‘Heh, you’re getting sentimental.’ Shaking the thought from his head Schuldig gathered up Aya and carried him carefully out to his car. Driving the two of them back into the city seemed like a little bit of hell.

The neighborhood where he had picked up Aya a few days earlier came into view far too quickly. Luckily, with the sudden snow fall the streets had pretty much been abandoned. Schuldig parked at the side of the road and pulled Aya from the passenger seat. There was a nearby bus shelter and he quickly deposited Aya on the bench. The redhead looked like a drunk who had fallen asleep waiting for the evening bus.

Schuldig placed Aya’s coat around his shoulder with the wallet and keys stuffed in the inside pocket. Digging in his own pocket he quickly replaced the battery in Aya’s phone and turned it on. It blew up with message notifications as soon as it powered up. “Looks like someone was worried about you.” He commented a little bitterly. Flipping it open he found Hidaka’s number, waited a long couple of seconds and finally pushed the button.  
It picked up mid-way through the first ring. “AYA!” Ken’s voice sounded raw and laced with relief.

“You better come get him before he freezes to death. Bus stop at 8th and Ujiwari dori.” Schuldig hung up and stuck the phone back in Aya’s pocket. He brushed his fingers through that crimson hair one last time before walking back to his car and speeding away into the night.

After some time the cold creeping through his body was what started to pull at Aya’s consciousness. He couldn’t quite get his mind to tell his body what to do but somehow he managed to open bleary eyes. Everything was blurry but once again colors seemed strangely vivid like he was hallucinating. Where did Schuldig go? The warmth of the room he’d been staying in? Did he get dumped somewhere? He couldn't figure any of it out. His phone beeped incessantly from all the messages left on it and Aya fumbled for it feeling the annoying vibration in his inside pocket.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...emergency appendectomy has landed me a few days off work and I thought I'd use the time to work on getting this caught up. Getting near the end but I'm unsure of how many chapters are left.

When Yohji wasn’t out on his own trying to track down Aya he was busy keeping an eye on Ken. The redhead’s disappearance hadn’t made sense and had sent up more than a few red flags. Yohji knew Ken was barely handling the situation and well he wasn’t exactly either. There were usually only two reasons assassins went missing; they were either dead or didn’t want to be found and Yohji knew full well neither was something that Ken could accept.

That’s why when Ken’s phone rang Yohji almost dumped the bowl of soup he’d been eating into his lap. Cursing quietly he set it aside and looked to Ken intently. Hearing Ken yell Aya’s name made him immediately stand up and start fishing for his keys in his pocket. “Is that him? Where is he?” He asked noting Ken’s pause as someone said something on the other end of the line.

Ken flew downstairs, stuffing his feet into his boots and grabbing his coat before Yohji could even finish his sentence. “8th and Ujiwari! Common Yohji!” Ken’s voice trembled a little. It only took him one quick second to figure out who’s voice had been on the other end of the line; Schuldig. His heart was racing as he barreled out the door. The German had Aya captive for four days! He could be seriously injured. “Damnit Yohji! We gotta go now!” He called back in through the shop door.

Yohji came running out, sliding the shop door and locking it before hurrying around to the side alley where he had parked. He knew Ken was in a hurry wasn’t like Yohji wasn’t either but as he turned the corner his boots slid and he knew he’d have to focus on the poor driving conditions and try not to push it. “Was that Aya on the phone?” He asked slipping into the driver’s side though he had a heavy feeling in his gut it hadn’t been.

The brunette sat silent for a moment tapping his foot impatiently on the floorboard as Yohji pulled out onto the main street. “No, it was Schuldig.” The name tasted like poison in his mouth. “I think Aya might be injured or unconscious.” It seemed highly unlikely that Schuldig had made that call with Aya standing idly by waiting to get his phone back. At least Ken knew Aya wasn’t dead but it did nothing to settle the creeping fear of what they would find when they got to him.

Ken glanced over at Yohji noting the dark purple shadows under his eyes. He had to give the blonde credit; he’d barely slept spending every possible waking moment attempting to find Aya’s location. It was as if the redhead had just completely vanished though. They hadn’t even been able to locate his car. 

Somewhere deep down in a dark place Ken didn’t like to go to the thought had crossed his mind that maybe Aya had just left; got fed up with everything and had just decided to never come back. That apparently wasn’t the case but Ken didn’t know if this was the better alternative. His sudden reappearance didn’t give Ken any peace especially knowing what Schuldig was capable of.

Yohji drove along in silence trying to focus on navigating the unplowed roads but his mind wouldn’t let him escape the obvious train of thought. Schuldig, that’s not good. He winced a little feeling the pull of scar tissue in his back from where the German had knifed him several months ago. Bastard probably trashed Aya’s mind. Yohji kept his thoughts to himself though instead opting to state the obvious just to break the tense silence that had settled over the car. “He’s really going to need us. You are going to have to tap into that tiny bit of patience you have because you know after this he’s gonna close up tighter than a clam.” Yohji had tried to put that lightly. He certainly didn’t want to rub Ken the wrong way right now but he regretted his urge to joke. “We are almost there.” He added when Ken didn’t respond. Turning the corner they spotted the bus stop just ahead.

Even before Farfarello had scrambled his brains...twice, Ken didn’t have a lot of patience. About the only time he wasn’t hotheaded was when he was around his ‘kids’ teaching them to play soccer. In every other aspect of his life though he tended to be loud, boisterous and often swore like a sailor. Now though that patience that Yohji was talking about was practically non-existent.

Before Yohji could bring the car to a complete stop Ken opened the door and flung himself out onto the snowy street. He had caught a glimpse of black and red from half a block away and he had bolted. His breaths were short as he came up on Aya propped up on that bus bench. The redhead seemed to be dozing. “Aya…” Ken’s voice was shaky, terrified of what he might discover. Aya lifted his head at the sound of Ken’s voice but the effect was short lived as he dropped back off again.

Yohji pulled into the bus parking wishing he’d thought to have brought a blanket or an extra jacket. “He’s got to be getting cold.” Yohji said going over to help Ken maneuver the other into the back seat. “We need to get him back and in a warm bath. He looks like he might be drugged.” The blonde stated as calmly as he could though his own heart was hammering in his chest.

Ken had climbed into the back seat and pulled off his jacket to wrap around Aya. He huddled close with the other man trying to transfer some of his body heat. Ken was shaking pretty badly himself but it wasn’t from the cold. “Aya?” He tilted Aya’s head towards him so he could look the redhead in the face. “Yeah, I think he is.” Ken pushed up the sleeve of Aya’s coat checking for any signs that he might have been injected with something. Sure enough he spotted one tiny bruise and a fresh puncture in the crook of Aya’s elbow.

“Aya, can you hear me? What did Schuldig give you?” Ken needed to know. Aya might need his system flushed out depending on what the German had given him. “Aya...common wake up.” Ken smacked the other assassin’s cheek lightly.

Yohji glanced in the back seat while waiting for a traffic light to change. He spotted the bruises on Aya’s wrists and neck a frown creasing his face. Even if Aya was suddenly come out of his haze Yohji seriously doubted he’d want to talk about what happened. 

Aya’s head moved a bit lazily and he tried to open his eyes again. He frowned as if he were being woken up early in the morning. Everything was so hard to focus on. He knew he was with Ken but just couldn’t seem to pull out of it. “Don’t … know…” he murmured finally giving in and letting his eyes slip closed again.

“Shit! Yohji what do we do?” Ken was starting to panic a little as he continued to check Aya out. The redhead’s pale skin was spattered with bruising. It looked like he’d at least been tied up and possibly choked. The bruises around his neck looked suspiciously like fingers. The brunette was afraid to see what other damage might have been done. “Common Aya, you have to try and stay awake.” He held tight to Aya as Yohji drove through the mostly empty streets.

“Let’s take him to my place, I have a tub and we need to get him warmed up.” Yohji said. “Get him in a hot bath and get a good look at him. We’ll be able to see if he’s got any injuries that need medical attention.” Yohji shook his head a little narrowing his eyes at the road. “If he only drugged him with a common sedative it should work out of his system pretty quick.” He gripped the wheel of his car tightly his knuckles turning white. Damn that bastard, Yohji just couldn’t understand Schuldig’s fixation on Aya. He’d know some messed up people in his life, hell he couldn’t count himself out of that but Schuldig was a whole different beast. Yohji parked right in front of his apartment building. At this time of night there really wasn’t anyone to argue with him over it anyway. He could come back and move it later.

Ken lifted Aya from the back seat noticing how light the other felt. He’d definitely dropped a little weight over the past few days. The brunette was still struggling a bit though since he had not gotten all of his own strength back from the incident earlier this year. “Yohji, help me with him.” It made Ken mad he couldn’t handle the other man on his own but he bit back the rising anger. “Hold on Aya, we’re almost there.” 

Yohji went around to the other side of Aya, putting his arm over his shoulders and helping lift him up. Aya was trying to walk on his own, almost putting up a fight with them while he tried to get a handle on his drugged up body. It made maneuvering him up the outside steps a little tricky.

“Calm down.” Yohji said, fumbling with his keys a minute before he could get his door unlocked. Once inside he helped Ken lean him on the wall then slipped quickly into the bathroom and started the hot water. “You think you can handle him once he’s in the tub?” Yohji helped move Aya into the bathroom. “I’ll go put on some hot tea.”

“Yeah, I’ve got it from here.” He nodded quickly as Yohji left the small room. “Easy Aya, easy.” Ken was trying to get Aya’s shirt off his head and the redhead was fighting it a bit. “We’ve got to get you warmed up.” Ken finally managed to remove the other’s shirt his breath hitching when he saw Aya’s body. The assassin was covered in bruises and bite marks. The brunette could now see a bit of the fingerprints left around the other hips as well. There was not a spot that Schuldig hadn’t marked him.

Ken got very quiet his eyes going dark as he helped Aya out of the rest of his clothes and into the steamy bath water. Kneeling at the edge of the tub he helped to prop Aya up. By now though, it was taking all of Ken’s strength not to explode in a rage. Aya’s wouldn’t need to tell him what happened, it was written on his body like strange, messed up love poetry.

Aya seemed to settle down a bit once the hot water began to warm his chilled body. The heat seemed to help clear his head and his eyes fluttered open as he looked around. “Where…?” His eyes move to Ken’s face then instantly looked away. The tightness in his chest felt like an icy grip around his heart. Now he was more confused than ever. He had shut himself away because of Schuldig’s prying. All that talk of never going back to his old life. That everything in that small room was going to be his new life and now he was here. He had been let go. Anger started to boil up inside him as well as guilt and shame. Schuldig had lied to him and Aya had bought it. He felt disgusted with himself.

“Aya…” despite the rage Ken’s voice held excited overtones. “You’re ok now, you’re safe.” The brunette shifted so he could scoop some of the hot water up over Aya’s shoulders. “Hey…” he reached out to try and turn Aya’s face back towards his. Worry was etched across Ken’s face like cracks in a window.

Aya glanced at him briefly but turned his gaze back to the side. “No… I’m not okay.” He said his voice cracking, a steady frown on his pale features. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ok.” The words were still a bit slurred as the drug worked its way out of his system. 

Yohji’s sudden knock startled both of them. “Tea’s done. I’ll heat up some rice too.”

“Thanks Yohji.” Ken tried to keep his voice level. He didn’t know what to say to Aya right now. What he really wanted was to just strip down and crawl in there with him and wrap Aya up so tight and never let him go again. 

Instead he said, “Do you think we need to take you to the hospital?” The bruising didn’t look too serious even though he was covered with them. Ken was more worried about what was going on inside though. Ken tested the temperature of the water with his fingertips even though he knew the water was still sufficiently hot.

“No. I don’t need to go. It’s already starting to work out of me.” He tried to sit up better in the tub, gripping the sides of it for leverage. “I’m sure I look worse then I feel.” He lowered his head a bit staring down into the water knowing it was a lie. Part of him kind of wished he’d just frozen to death out there.

“Easy.” Ken said again holding onto one of Aya’s arms. “Don’t push yourself too much yet.” The brunette didn’t quite believe him. True the redhead looked pretty beaten up, at least from the neck down anyway. Schuldig had at least spared him that so until the bruises healed he could hide them with high collars and longs sleeves.

“When you’re feeling a bit better we can get you out and get some hot food in you.” Ken was playing the mother hen a bit because honestly if he didn’t he knew his temper would boil over instead. It didn’t quite work. “Schuldig did this, didn’t he?”

Aya’s gaze flashed to Ken for an instant. “I … don’t really want anything to eat.” His eyes said it all. They were not going to talk about it. After all that work to push his feelings aside; to make himself go numb, the last thing Aya wanted to do was be forced to feel anything. Ken and his hotheadedness be damned.

Aya’s avoidance just confirmed Ken’s suspicions and he tensed. “He’s a dead man.” The brunette’s tone was low and serious. Standing from beside the tub he grabbed a towel from a hook and set it next to Aya. “You need to eat though. It will help your system stabilize.” He took the few steps to the door and turned. “I’m going to go talk to Yohji for a minute and get Omi caught up on things. If you need anything we’ll be right outside.” Ken didn’t give Aya time to protest before he slipped out the door.


	11. Chapter 11

Yohji was leaning against the counter in the kitchen nibbling at some sort of biscuit when Ken emerged from the bathroom. “How’s he doing?” The blonde asked hopefully. Ken’s face dashed all hopes of a significant improvement though. Whatever was going on he was really not happy about it.

“He’ll live.” Ken’s voice was flat. “Whatever Schuldig dosed him with seems to be wearing off fairly quick at least.” He shook his head and balled his hands up into fists. The doctors had been pretty honest with him about the possible mood swings and sudden bursts of anger. Despite that, Ken was not prepared for the emotional floods. When a mood hit he felt like he could demolish a house sometimes. He could feel himself getting worked up and he had no place to vent it.

“Yohji, I think he…” Ken trailed off shaking slightly. “If I ever find him he’s dead. I’ll rip that smug smile right off his face!” The brunette’s voice had gotten louder, enough that a loud thump rattled the wall from an annoyed neighbor.

Yohji moved to the side sliding his back down the counter and away from Ken a bit. “Yeah well… don’t go looking on your own. You know what he’s capable of.” He frowned. “Hell, the whole damn lot. We went up against them once and you know how that ended.” Yohji shuddered as a brief flash of cold and salty water flooded his memory. “Believe me, if I could find him for you so you could pummel the crap out of him I would.” 

Ken took a deep breath in trying to settle himself. “I know. I just feel so fucking helpless.” He walked over to Yohji’s couch and flopped down, leaning his head back and closing blue green eyes. It took every ounce of Ken’s strength to get a handle and wrestle that anger under control. Logic told him that flipping out would do no one any favors right now. He had to be calm and steady for Aya. Aya needed him, didn’t he?

The brunette shook the thought from his head. “Have you called Omi yet?” He asked, trying to focus on anything but the unease he felt. Aya was alive…that’s all that mattered.

Yohji nodded feeling a bit more at ease now that Ken was safely on the couch. “Sure have. He wanted to come over right away but I told him I’d call and let him know if anything major happened.” He stuck another biscuit between his lips and wiggled it up and down as he thought. They were lucky to have even gotten Aya back. He wondered why Schwartz had just let him go like that and to even call them to get him before he froze to death. It was weird and Yohji got the distinct feeling that maybe Schuldig had been working alone. Maybe the other members of Schwartz hadn’t even known?

Ken managed to get himself under control and finally relaxed his hands in his lap. “I don’t think he’s gonna want any visitors, at least not for a while. Even if it is Omi. I’m gonna have to keep a close eye on him. Yohji, you might have to take care of the shop for a while. I don’t want to leave him alone for too long and he’s in no shape to work. I know he’d be right upstairs but I’d feel better if I just didn’t have to deal with the shop.” 

Yohji pushed himself off from the counter. “Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on the shop. There is some instant miso soup in that mug by the way, just pour the kettle in there when he wants it. I’m going to go swing by your place and get him some of his own clothes.” He shrugged into his coat and boots, pulling out his pack of cigarettes before he even reached the door. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Thanks Yohji.” Ken let out a long sigh as Yohji ducked out the front door. It occurred to him that there had been no sounds from the bathroom since he had left so he figured he better go check on Aya. Getting up from the couch he went to the bathroom door and tapped it lightly with his knuckles. “Aya? You still awake?” He didn’t want the redhead passing out and drowning himself. Ken had been loath to leave in the first place but his temper had gotten the better of him.

Aya was awake but he was just sitting in the tub staring blankly into the water. He didn’t even glance up when Ken came in. If he’d heard the door open he gave no sign. He might as well have been a million miles away. His color was returning some at least thanks to the hot bath though. 

“Hey, you ready to get out?” Ken shut the door behind him and crouched down by the tub. “Aya!” He raised his voice a little trying to get the other’s attention. It seemed he had just completely zoned out. The behavior didn’t help to ease any of the brunette’s fears. For Aya to be so unresponsive Schuldig must have really worked him over.

Aya jerked his head up when Ken raised his voice, flinching at the sound. He then turned his head slowly an odd vacant stare in his eyes before quickly looking away again. “Yeah I’m ready.” He gripped the sides of the tub doing his best to push himself up and out of the water. He was getting stronger as the drug wore off but his actions seemed slow and clumsy.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Ken’s voice was warm sounding as he forced the tension away. He’d somehow managed to control that temper of his at least for the time being. “Here, let me help you.” The brunette grabbed a towel and draped it around Aya’s shoulder while helping him up from the tub.

“You’re still a little shaky. Take it slow.” It didn’t need to be said really but Ken wanted Aya to keep hearing the sound of his voice. Once he’d gotten Aya on the mat he reached around him to hold the towel by both sides keeping the redhead close to him as he dried him off. “Yohji is going to get you some of your clothes.” He hadn’t noticed it before but everything Aya had been wearing besides his boots did not belong to him. They seemed expensive; well-made but why would Schuldig bother? Ken had a lot of questions but didn’t really know if he wanted to find the answers.

Aya leaned on him a bit to keep steady, pulling one edge of the towel free from Ken’s grip. “Okay.” He said his voice sounding distant. “Clothes would be good.” Aya did his best to hold onto the towel himself. His vision was still a bit fuzzy though and his fingers felt like he was wearing thick gloves. All he could feel right now was anger towards himself. He didn’t deserve to be here with Ken fussing over him like some mother hen. 

Ken didn’t like the way Aya sounded. If Schuldig had gotten into his head and mucked around that German prick could have caused some permanent damage. “Here, sit.” Ken guided Aya to the tiny washing stool and sat him down. He twisted around slightly and pulled the plug to drain out the water from the tub. “You feeling any better? Any more with us?” He would like to think what he’d heard from Aya earlier was just from the effects of whatever drug Schuldig had given him. Turning back he crouched down in front of Aya trying to look him in the eyes. He put his hand on Aya’s thigh.

Aya froze up when they made eye contact and it was several seconds before he could look away again. He didn’t feel like he deserved this from Ken. From anyone for that matter. He rubbed at his face with his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m alert. I know where I am.” He let his hands back down into his lap and he noted a slight tremble to them. The creak of the front door alerted them to Yohji’s return.

A moment later Yohji knocked on the door opening it a crack and stuffing a handful of clothes through. “Here you go.” He said dropping them into Ken’s outstretched hand before retreating. “There’s hot soup and tea out here. Don’t forget!” Yohji was trying his best to sound optimistic but it was difficult. He had a hard enough time taking care of himself, let alone other people.

The brunette turned back to Aya. “You don’t have to be sorry for anything.” Those words stabbed at him. He couldn’t understand why the redhead would feel guilty. “You didn’t ask for this to happen.” Pulling at Aya to bring him close Ken wrapped his arms around him. Aya not wanting to meet Ken’s gaze set off warning bells in his head. Had something else happened? Ken had his suspicions; he didn’t think Schuldig had just messed with his mind. Aya would have fought back though, right? “It’s not your fault.” He finally whispered.

Aya nodded a little his chin propped up on Ken’s shoulder. “It is though. I didn’t think… anything mattered anymore.” A frown creased his face. How could he even begin to explain to Ken what had happened? Aya pulled his clothes from Ken’s hand sitting back so he could put them on. He wanted to cover up the marks on his body, wanted to forget they were there. “I don’t know why he left me out there like that… I don’t understand.” He pulled a black wool turtleneck over his head. 

Ken sat back on his heels watching Aya get dressed. He tried hard not to let his eyes wander to the purple marks that covered the other’s body but it was useless, they were everywhere. “I know you won’t tell me what happened, at least not yet. But Aya you can’t blame yourself for this. You’re lucky he didn’t just kill you!” The brunette stood up suddenly his temper flaring briefly. “Whatever he did to you wasn’t your fault!” Ken didn’t know why Aya was saying the things he was, he was just glad Aya was back and alive. He didn’t understand why Aya thought it was his fault. “I don’t understand you didn’t do anything wrong.” His voice dropped low again.

Ken’s raised voice made Aya startled again but now that he was getting better control of his faculties it wasn’t as dramatic as before. It was more a hunch of his shoulders and a duck of his head. “He didn’t want to kill me. He wanted to keep me.” Aya finally said flatly. He pulled on his socks then focused his gaze and Ken’s chest. The bath had flushed his skin pink but his cheeks turned a shade darker despite the lack of inflection in his voice.

“Keep you?” Ken’s brows knit in confusion. He would have been daft to think Schuldig hadn’t sexually assaulted Aya and that made his blood boil so bad he thought his head might come off. But, keep him? That didn’t make any sense. Weiß and Schwartz were mortal enemies. Why in the hell would Schuldig want to keep Aya? “I don’t understand…” In Ken’s mind Schuldig would just do those things to break Aya down and make him weaker, useless to Weiß. If he didn’t kill him he certainly wasn’t going to just let Aya go so he could return for vengeance. It didn’t make sense and Ken’s head was starting to hurt. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.

Aya glanced at Ken then stood up a bit wobbly and turned to the door. “He wanted to keep me as a pet. I don’t want to talk about it.” He opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, making his way slowly into the living area and towards Yohji’s couch. His legs felt like pudding. Schuldig must have given him a stronger dose then he had before.

Ken was left speechless in the bathroom for a moment. “A pet?” He breathed out softly hoping that didn’t mean what he thought it meant. It still didn’t make much sense to him though. Maybe Schuldig’s interest had been peaked all those months ago when he and Aya had been taken? He shook his head feeling a black pit growing in his stomach. Finally he exited the bathroom, moving into the main living space and taking a seat on the floor his back pressed up against the couch.

Yohji lifted his head when he heard footsteps. He’d taken it upon himself to go ahead and start filling up the soup mug with hot water. “Hey Aya. Made you some miso. Feeling any better?” Once he’d filled the mug he brought it over, setting it down on the little coffee table by Aya’s knees. “You better eat that. I waited five whole minutes for the kettle to boil. Yohji put a smoke between his lips but didn’t light it then went back into the little kitchen. 

The silence in the room was practically deafening. “Look Aya, I know you are not in a good place right now… but please at least talk to Ken. He’s your go to guy, right?” Yohji finally lit his cigarette gaze shifting between the two young men in his apartment.

Yohji’s words, while said with the best intent made Ken feel awkward. He felt like the only one that didn’t get it and although it really wasn’t the appropriate time he sulked about that fact a little. It was obvious that Yohji knew about their relationship but it made him uncomfortable the way he just sort of threw it out on the table like that. Ken let out a little puff of frustrated breath.

The tension was so thick Yohji felt like he could cut it with a knife. “So, you guys want me to take you home or…? Do you want to stay here? What’s going on?” He knew the two had a lot to talk about, but he wasn’t sure how much Aya was ready to say and how much Ken was ready to hear…

Ken spoke up. “Can you just take us back to the shop?” He didn’t feel like using the word ‘home’ right now. It was plain as day to see that Aya was shutting people out but it was also understandable to a certain extent. That didn’t make it any easier for Ken to deal with it though. Maybe things would look better in the morning. He still wanted to keep an eye on Aya through the night and most likely wouldn’t be getting any sleep. “Come on Aya.” Ken got up. “Thanks for giving us a ride Yohji.”

Yohji grabbed his coat and his keys again. He supposed he could have just let Aya borrow some of his clothes and he wouldn’t be having to make this trip again out in the snow. Oh well, hindsight. It wasn’t as though the shop was far anyway but Aya certainly wasn’t in any shape to walk the few blocks. “No problem Ken. Just meet me out front when you’re ready.” Yohji left to pull the car around.

Aya stood leaving the mug of soup untouched. He looked around and found the coat Schuldig had bought him, slipping into it without a second thought. It wasn’t like he had another outer layer to put on anyway. He gave a quick glance to Ken then headed for the door. Somehow he managed most of the stairs without Ken’s assistance though he was still a bit slow. As promised Yohji was waiting at the curb and Aya slipped into the back seat, Ken close behind him.


	12. Chapter 12

The short car ride back to the shop was spent in awkward silence. Aya got out as soon as Yohji pulled to the curb, giving him a brief nod of thanks before heading to the shop door. He instinctively put his hand into his pocket and his fingers closed around the warm metal of his keys, how kind of Schuldig to leave them. He thought sarcastically then unlocked the shutter pulling it up and going inside.

The brunette hung back for a minute. “Thanks again Yohji. I’ll call if we need anything.” He turned then wandered into the shop after Aya. “Hey, you feel like sleeping anytime soon?” Ken pulled down the shutter then locked the door leaving the two of them alone in the dark and quiet shop. “I’d like to stay with you tonight.” It was the most straightforward Ken had been in a while. He wanted to be close in case Aya woke up.

Aya turned to face him, eyes cast downward. “I… guess so…sure.” He frowned. “I just don’t feel like I deserve it.” He shook his head. “You’re going to fuss over me either way.” He turned for the stairs pulling off his coat. “I feel stupid.” He stopped at the bottom of the stairs looking up them. Schuldig had managed to convince him he’d never see this place again… or Ken.

Ken was rather confused by Aya’s response. He was acting like this whole thing was somehow his fault. “I’ll stay right by your side. You don’t have to worry about anything.” He went over to Aya and put his arms around him again. Sighing heavily the brunette spoke. “I remember you saying that before, that you were undeserving but I didn’t understand then and I certainly don’t now.” 

He grabbed Aya’s hand and pulled him upstairs to their apartment. “What Schuldig did to you wasn’t your fault.” Ken would just have to keep reassuring Aya of that. No matter what had happened he had not deserved any of it. “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself.”

Aya listened to him as he was pulled up the stairs. The stairway was narrow and at this close proximity he caught Ken’s scent; the smell of his body wash calmed him a bit. He didn’t think he’d be able to do this again, didn’t know if he could trust it all not just to be ripped away. “I shut down. I had too. It’s going to take time.” He hated himself for putting Ken through this and hated Schuldig for being able to get into his head. Their training had prepared them for death, torture and living a life without any real connections. It was easier that way and now Aya understood why.

“I’ll try and give you some space but...maybe just for tonight?” Ken lead them to his room hoping Aya would find comfort in the idea and also because Ken needed it too. “Whatever you need Aya, you just have to tell me ok?” Ken pulled the other down onto the bed, the firm mattress easily supporting their combined weight. 

“I don’t think I understand all of it, wanting to make you his pet.” Ken frowned a little as if trying to find the right words and feeling just a little bit stupid for not getting it. It did need to be talked about though. Ken needed to understand so that he could give Aya what he needed to heal. Otherwise he might overstep his bounds and hurt the redhead unintentionally. “I just don’t want to fuck up and say or do something wrong.” He knew there was no way in hell Aya would seek out any type of therapy on his own. If Ken didn’t pry a little the other would just suffer in silence.

Aya sat next to Ken but his posture was stiff. It was just like Ken to ask and he shook his head giving a little sigh. “As his pet he wanted me to miss him and want him. Desire his affections, like a dog. I think he wanted me to be glad to see him.” It was mind fuckery at its best. “He…wanted to make it so I was dependent on him. From the way it looked I was never going to get away from him. He would punish me for fighting him so I just started not to care. At first I tried to get away but then when I did stop fighting things got better.” Aya felt weak and foolish. “Then suddenly he just dropped me off. I…I feel betrayed.” Bile rose in his throat. “He has me so turned around. I don’t know what thoughts are my own.” Aya had clenched Ken’s sheets into his balled up fists. “He had me believe I’d never see you again.” 

“Aya...” Ken pulled the other to him trying to be mindful of the injuries the other had sustained. “That’s awful, why would you do that to another human being?” The whole concept was completely beyond Ken and he found it rather disgusting. Nobody should be treated like that, ever. “You’re not a pet Aya, you’re a human being and…” Ken tilted Aya’s face up, “and I love you no matter what happened.” He kissed Aya as tenderly as he could.

Inside though there was a part of Ken that was seething. If he ever found Schuldig he would bury him. But he was doing his best to quite the burning need for vengeance. He’d be no help to anyone if he went out and got himself killed. It was more important to be with Aya. He wanted to be here. 

Aya nodded a little letting himself lean subtly against the brunette. His body tensed a little at first but with some effort he was able to return the kiss. When they parted he took a deep breath and looked into the other man’s eyes. “I guess … I just feel filthy, like he’s stained me inside and out.” He pushed at Ken to move him over enough so he could lay his head down in his lap. His whole body hurt. “I’m glad… you’re here though.” He finally said and let his eyes drift closed.

The shift in positions surprised Ken a little but he soon fell to stroking through Aya’s hair. “You’re not dirty Aya. Schuldig’s just…he’s sick. What he did, it’s not right. You didn’t deserve any of that.” He sat there for another few minutes with the redhead in his lap. “You’re tired, why don’t we get you in bed?” Ken shifted slightly to stand up without disturbing Aya too much. He pulled his shirt off and tossed it onto a growing pile of clothes that was just about to spill over the rim of his hamper. 

Aya pushed himself up. “My clothes…” he nodded towards Ken’s door. He had no intention of sleeping naked again any time soon. Ken accommodated by placing one of his tee shirts and a pair of sleep pants next to Aya on the bed. He stared down at the offered clothes for several long minutes while Ken finished puttering about.

“You…” Aya stopped for a moment his gaze finally traveling to Ken’s face, eyes locking on him intensely. “You… love me?” He asked. He’d never really had it in him to say it before. After Ken had come out of the coma he’d wanted to tell him then. Schuldig had quickly taken away that opportunity though.

Ken was taken aback a little at Aya’s sudden intensity. “Well...yeah. Of course I do.” He smiled that little goofy smile he got sometimes when he was really happy. It was the first time Aya had met Ken’s eyes all night but it killed Ken to see the hurt in them, the distrust but that he had done it at all gave him a little hope.   
The brunette slipped out of his pants and socks. “I think I’ve always loved you. I just never knew how you felt about it.” Ken was like a furnace, always very warm and Aya would be able to feel his body heat as he got close. “I don’t care what you did in your past or if you have the worst opinion of yourself on the planet. That stuff doesn’t matter to me. I just don’t want you shutting me out.”

Aya reached for Ken and pulled him back down to the bed. “You’re crazy.” He said but there was a bit of humor in his words. On one hand he didn’t understand how anyone could love him, on the other hand Ken’s stubborn nature was probably what kept him hanging on as he did and that was the part that amused him. Aya moved the clothes he’d been given out of the way.

“I’ve always… cared deeply for you but after all this time I think I’ve forgotten how to love. I assume that is what I feel right now for you but… I don’t know. I don’t have a lot to compare it to.” He sighed, finally resigned that he needed to change and stood up. Slipping his shirt over his head Aya caught sight of those purple bruises and quickly tried to pull the shirt back on. Maybe he’d just go change in the bathroom. 

Ken hadn’t missed Aya’s attempt to recover himself. “Stop...just stop. These don’t matter to me.” He licked his lips slightly. It infuriated him that Schuldig had marked him up so much. Ken felt the keen bite of jealousy. He should have been the one leaving little love bites. Aya should blush when he saw them not try to hide them. “They’ll fade.” Slowly Ken stood and helped Aya from his shirt. Carefully the brunette placed his lips over the bruised flesh at Aya’s neck. He didn’t care that Aya was broken, just like the redhead didn’t care that he was all sorts of fucked up either.

Aya stopped, pulling back from Ken his eyes softening a bit. “Okay….” he finally took a deep breath to calm himself and finished changing. Once he was finished he pulled Ken into bed with him, curling up under the covers and pressing close. He just didn’t want to look at them anymore; those marks and bruises, those claims of ownership on his body. 

After a few moments of silence Aya spoke again. “The worst part was I started wanting him to be there, I couldn’t eat or anything unless he was there.” He closed his eyes. “I don’t know why he is so fixated on me.”

Ken wrapped Aya up in his arms pulling the blankets up over their heads trying not to grind his teeth. Instead he buried his face in Aya’s hair and mumbled. “I think anyone would feel the same in that situation after a while.” Ken didn’t want to think about it, about the way Schuldig had possessed Aya. It made his skin crawl and his stomach churn. “I’m here and I’m not going to let you out of my sight.” Ken caressed his fingers up and down Aya’s spine. It probably drove Aya crazy that Ken was being so protective but he didn’t care right now.

The brunette let Aya get as close as he wanted trying to lie still till the other got comfortable. “Are you trying to crawl inside my body?” He chuckled a little in the dark. With the blanket over their heads it was pretty much pitch black. He leaned down and kissed Aya on the forehead. “Even if we’re apart my heart will always belong to you. In this life we lead nothing is certain. Death could be waiting for us at any time and we’ve both accepted that. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to give myself completely to you, that I want to keep anything from you. I know there is so much you haven’t told me and I try not to push you…” He trailed off.

Aya listened to Ken’s words, hanging onto each thing he said like it was a life line. “I think I should just apologize ahead of time. Opening up is not something I do easily and it’s going to take some time.” He finally said. “But I do appreciate you… and what you do for me. I could never just walk away.” He tipped his head a little to look up at Ken as his eyes adjusted to the dark. “I guess we’re both screwed up in our own ways though.”

“You’ve been putting up with my mood swings for months now Aya. Although when I get too temperamental you tend to hide out.” He looked down at where Aya’s face should be feeling the soft puff of air as the other breathed. “We’re all screw ups Aya. How do you think we all got here in the first place?” He tone had darkened some. Before his second coma Ken had really been getting his life sorted out and thought he had found happiness. Now though he was pretty much constantly on edge because he never knew what might set him off and he had very little control over how he handled things. “I...want to apologize too. I know I haven’t been easy to live with lately.”

“I can take it from you. I guess I’m willing to take it for you anyway…” Aya closed his eyes again just breathing in the other’s scent. “I don’t feel safe though. I feel like he could be around any corner…. I don’t know. I made it a point to become strong so that no one could make me feel weak… then Schuldig came along and just ripped that away.”

“Not just Schuldig but all of Schwartz fucked up a lot of things for all of us Aya. I don’t think any of us feel safe knowing they are out there.” He shuddered a little getting a bit of a flashback of Farfarello grabbing his skull. “We all have our demons and I won’t pass judgment on you for yours getting the better of you from time to time.” Ken kissed Aya again trying to be reassuring. His lips felt hot against the others and he let his tongue flick out a bit to run over Aya’s lips. 

Ken didn’t linger on their kiss though and snuggled down deeper into the nest of blankets and pillows. “Try to get some sleep Aya.” He was already sort of mumbling, his eyelids growing heavy. It had been a long four days for him as well and both men were ungodly tired. “If you need me don’t hesitate to wake me up.” He yawned once then shut his eyes drifting off quickly hoping that Aya would do the same.


	13. Chapter 13

The night before Aya had dozed off rather quickly; the fatigue and drugs finally taking their toll. About six in the morning he suddenly sat bolt upright in bed, beads of sweat forming on his brow. His eyes searched frantically expecting to see the inside of the hotel room he’d spent four days in. It took a moment for him to calm down but seeing that it was Ken’s room dispelled the anxiety that gripped his heart. He padded quietly down the hall to the bathroom. After relieving himself Aya stood and stared in the mirror for a few moments. He didn’t like what he saw; the dark purple that shadowed his eyes or the way his cheeks were slightly sunken in. He couldn't wait for those reminders to fade.

The brunette stirred when Aya’s body heat started to diminish from the bed. He had his own moment of panic when his eyes popped open and the redhead wasn’t in his sight. His bedroom door was open a crack though so he surmised Aya must have gotten up. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed he winced a little as his feet hit the cold floor. Winter had definitely come early to Tokyo this year. With all the chaos of the past few days Ken hadn’t managed to pull the kotasu out of storage yet so he dressed quickly and while Aya was still in the bathroom brought it up from the basement. He put some coffee on to brew; Aya’s favorite brand of course and then sat down on the floor in their tiny living room to put the table together.

Coming out of the bathroom Aya went into his own room. He’d heard Ken messing about and wondered briefly what the other was getting into. The room was exactly as he’d left it and Aya easily found his robe still hanging on the back of his door. It was something he didn’t wear often as he was the type to get dressed for the day the second his feet hit the floor in the morning. For once though changing clothes seemed like too much of a hassle so he pulled it on over the clothes Ken had given him to sleep in last night and wandered out into the living area. The scent of fresh brewing coffee smelled delicious and was something he hadn’t realized he’d missed so much.

“Ken?” He called for the other sounding unsure his voice wavering a bit. He knew logically the man would be there but a little pang of anxiety made him call out anyway. It brought thoughts of staring at that hotel door into his mind, waiting for the German to walk through it. Aya spotted the brunette in the living area and relaxed a bit turning back to get himself a cup of coffee as soon as it stopped brewing.

Ken was busy working underneath the low sitting table. His legs stuck out awkwardly from underneath it as he affixed the heating unit to the underside. “Here Aya!” He called out but didn’t remove himself from under the table just yet. The apartment was chilly this morning as older buildings in Tokyo tended to be. There was never much insulation put in them so the heat and cold tended to seep in. “Thought we could use this since we got so much snow last night.” He pushed himself out from underneath it and slowly glanced in Aya’s direction. Even in Ken’s baggy clothes and a robe Aya still looked gorgeous to him. 

Aya was leaning against the counter sipping his coffee watching as Ken proved more of his domestic skills. “Good idea.” He told him though his voice sounded a bit hard. Looking at himself in the mirror had hardened his heart a bit. He had warned Ken that it wouldn’t be easy but he just felt so jaded this morning. Once again he didn’t realize how attractive he was no matter what he wore. He just tilted his head a little at Ken watching him, wondering what he was staring at. “Everything alright?”

Realizing that he had been staring Ken blushed slightly and looked away. “Yeah...sorry.” He pushed himself up then put the big puffy blanket between the two top layers of the table and plugged it in. It would keep the two of them nice and toasty warm this winter. Ken really couldn’t blame Aya for sounding the way he did and he reminded himself not to push too much.

He got up and walked into the kitchen giving Aya a little peck on the cheek then pouring some coffee for himself. “I asked Yohji to watch the shop for us for a few days to give you some time to recover.” It was probably the last thing Aya wanted to hear; denial being one of the redhead’s favored defense mechanisms.

“I can work.” Aya said flatly but his eyes soften a bit. Slim fingers reached up to his cheek where Ken had planted a light kiss. “I guess if Yohji is willing though…it’s been a while since I’ve had a day off.” He shrugged a shoulder like he couldn’t care less. “I feel a bit hungover anyway.” He muttered then took another slow sip of his coffee.

“Believe me under the circumstances Yohji doesn’t mind.” Ken took a sip of his coffee and muttered under his breath, “and if he did I’d kick his ass.” He scratched at his head a bit. Ken’s bedhead was amazing as usual this morning; the locks of brown hair looking like they’d been performing aerial feats in a three ring circus last night.

“Lazy sounds good today.” If he could keep Aya in that robe all day long he would. Even better if he could get him out of it but Ken quickly pushed that thought out of his mind. There was no way Aya would be ready for that. It was difficult for Ken though. He couldn’t deny that he felt a little possessive of Aya, couldn’t shirk the fact that he wanted to put his own marks on the other man’s skin.

Aya glanced at him his eyes slowly moving upward to take in the other man’s hair. “You look like a damn video game character.” He commented but couldn’t help a slight smile. “I guess I’ll just try to take it easy.” 

The redhead pushed himself from the counter and went to the kotasu while it warmed up. “I used to really like the snow.” He mused quietly. “Now I’m not so sure.” His eyes drifted out the window to the snowy street beyond. In the past Aya had always been a little more pleasant when the snow started. It was a shame he’d have such bad memories associated with it now. 

“Yeah, I remember you saying how much you liked it.” Ken reached up to try and smooth down his hair. It was so thick and coarse it often seemed to have a mind of its own. He was quick to change the subject however. “Well since the definition of being lazy is doing nothing…” He walked back to the living room area and sat down, “let’s just sit on our butts and watch TV for a while.” The brunette stuck his legs under the table and moaned a little. “Ah….that heat feels so nice.”

Aya sat down and scooted over next to Ken leaning on him a bit. “I bet…. you didn’t have a good week either…” he said quietly, fidgeting with the mug in his hand. “I kept thinking about how mad you probably were.” He didn’t really want to talk about it but the words just sort of spilled out.

Ken felt the muscles in his shoulders start to go tense. Yes, he’d been down right pissed and worried and eight million other emotions while Aya was gone. He’d been able to refrain from destroying anything in the apartment but he gone to the gym and beaten on a punching bag for a good long while. “I didn’t know if you were coming back ever. I didn’t know why you were gone.” His voice dropped. “I didn’t know which was worse to believe, that something bad had happened to you or that you had just left.” Ken knew he was being paranoid about that last bit but he couldn’t help himself. He had his own insecurities about what had happened to him this year. There were a few times over the past few months that he and Aya had gotten in yelling matches over the dumbest stuff. He hated that he had turned all Jekyll and Hyde on the other man.

Aya nodded slowly. “If I wanted to leave I would have done it while you were in a coma.” He closed his eyes as if that would somehow make this whole thing less difficult. “If I planned to go anywhere I wouldn’t go without saying anything. Even under the worst circumstances…I wouldn’t just leave, not now.” It was true they had gotten into a few fights but they were certainly not enough to drive him away. He had been told this would happen and he just dealt with it. Now though he was unsure how well he’d handle a screaming match with Ken.

“I just wasn’t sure.” Ken put his arm around the redhead, fingers pushing into the soft material of the robe at his shoulder. “I thought for a moment that maybe I had driven you away and then it was like I had been shot in the chest.” His hand was shaking a bit now. “I can’t imagine what you must have gone through or what exactly Schuldig did to you. I just know that I want to make it better and I’ll do anything you ask to try and make things right.” Ken could be rather sentimental at times and perhaps a little naive.

Aya froze for a moment; his fingers stopped idly toying with the rim of his mug. He stared into the dark liquid within for a few long moments then turned his head to look at Ken. “He did enough. I believed I would never see anyone again.” He turned back to staring into his mug for a bit before taking a drink. At its base that was the truth of it.

“But you’re here now.” Ken pulled the cup out of Aya’s hands and sat it on the table. “This is real.” He took hold of Aya’s hand and held them up to his face the slightest bit of stubble poking at the redhead’s skin. “I want to make it go away; I want to make you forget.” Ken leaned in to kiss Aya his emotions getting the better of him. One hand dropped to the sash holding the other’s robe shut.

Aya tensed, trying really hard to ground himself in this reality. Ken was here, Ken was the one touching him. He cupped Ken’s face, a thumb rubbing at the rough stubble then sliding back into his mussed brunette hair. “Ken….” He whispered the others name against his lips then deepened the kiss, forcing himself to open. If Ken wanted him, who was he to say no? Despite everything Aya found that he wanted to be here and wanted to be doing this these things. 

The brunette moaned as Aya deepened their kiss his hands worked quickly to undo the front of that robe. “I missed you so much I thought my heart was going to break.” He said breathlessly before pushing Aya to the floor his hands roaming up under his shirt and over the areas where his flesh was purple. “Don’t think about them, look at me.” Ken leaned down to hold Aya’s gaze. “This is what’s important.” He drug one hand up Aya’s thigh, fingers bunching in the material at his waist. “Tell me what you need; tell me what to do to make it better.” 

Aya glanced up to Ken watching the other intently. He had to push away the images of what had happened to him. This was Ken, this was who had had chosen to open up to of his own free will. Aya’s cheeks flushed a little. “Can I…” he held Ken’s gaze. “Can I take you…?” He wasn’t sure he felt up to receiving quite yet but if Ken wanted intimacy this might have to be how it was for a while. 

Ken’s face turned crimson and he stiffened a bit his heart thudding in his chest. “Aya…” He never really thought about it before and wasn’t sure how he actually felt about it. Pulling the redhead back up in to a sitting position Ken just looked at him for a moment. He looked nervous as all hell but licked his lips and finally spoke. “Yes…” the brunette said softly finding the idea not entirely unpleasant. It really had just never crossed his mind before. He leaned in resting his forehead against the other man’s. “I trust you.”

Aya pulled away and stood up. “All you have to do is tell me to stop.” He said tugging the other up to stand with him. “I won’t be offended if you do.” It was reassuring that ken was willing to go out of his comfort zone for him though. He led the other into his own room, pushing him back on the bed. If they were going to do this Aya had to feel like he was in control and he needed to get that scared look off of Ken’s face. 

Aya dropped his robe the pulled off the baggy clothes. It took him a moment to not feel self-conscious but then he dropped to his knees between ken’s legs and began to work the other’s pants off his hips. Pale fingers found the hard flesh and he gave a few tentative tugs before leaning in to place a hot open mouthed kiss on Ken’s cock.

Ken gasped for air feeling Aya’s hot mouth around him. All coherent thought quickly left his mind as the blood rushed away to more important matters. “Hnnn...Aya...your mouth it’s so…” The brunette couldn’t finish his sentence and finally dropped his head back into the pillows of the redhead’s bed. His hips pushed up slightly encouraging Aya to take more of him into his mouth. “Is this what you really want?” Ken managed in between short breaths. 

Aya drew back pulling the drawer of his nightstand open and fishing around for a moment. “I want to be with you but I feel like I need to run the show this time.” His eyes softened a bit. “Besides… you might actually find that you like this.” Aya had retrieved a small bottle from the drawer and squeezed some of the slippery liquid onto his fingers. Leaning down again he took Ken into his mouth, pushing between his legs with his other hand to tease sensitive skin. He watched the others face intently as he pushed one finger carefully inside of him. Aya knew the heat of his mouth would keep Ken distracted at least a little bit and hopefully keep him from tensing too much. 

The brunette stiffened slightly feeling that finger slide inside of him. It didn’t hurt per say but it definitely wasn’t a sensation he was used to. Aya’s talented mouth though was another matter and soon Ken relaxed feeling the heat rise up in him again. He bit his lip and closed his eyes reveling in the sensations the other man was bringing him. If Aya continued this way for very much longer Ken would probably go tumbling over the edge before he knew it. “Easy...Aya.” He managed to get out before another blinding wave of sensation overtook him.

Aya eased up with his mouth putting a second finger in him now. He withdrew his mouth for a moment and stroked him with his free hand for a bit. “Just relax… tensing up will make it uncomfortable.” Aya mused for a moment. “Just be glad I don’t have your dick.” In a rare moment of humor Aya couldn’t help himself. This was turning out to be a good idea; the events of the last few days were quite far from his mind now as he focused on Ken.

Ken gave a nervous little chuckle. “I’m trying and it’s not my fault I’m built the way I am.” He kept trying to raise his head up to look at Aya but the sensations between his legs just kept forcing him back to the bed. “Just...just go slow...please.” Ken almost whimpered, the strange combination of different sensations confusing his brain a bit. Aya’s fingers felt good inside him but it was definitely a tight fit. The brunette rocked his hips a little though, a clear sign that he was adjusting to the pressure.

Aya withdrew and squeezed some more lube onto his fingers. Sitting back he stroked himself a bit with his wet hand making sure he was nice and slick. He couldn’t help but to moan a little as he touched himself. The little sounds Ken was making were doing the job of getting him hard. It took the brunette hardly any effort at all to excite him. “I’ll go slow… don’t worry I’ll take care of you.” He rose up on his knees again, hands hooking under Ken’s thighs pushing them forward a bit. With the better angle he slipped his fingers back into Ken to warm him up further. “It might hurt at first. I make no promises.” Aya leaned forward to give him a reassuring kiss though even as his fingers continued to work inside him.

A beautiful blush spread across Ken’s cheeks as Aya kissed him. Those fingers rocking inside him practically driving him mad. He had no idea such a thing could feel so good. Seeing Aya do it to himself had always gotten Ken riled up but he never thought he’d be on the receiving end of things and enjoying it so much. “Please Aya...I can’t take it…I just want.” Ken was breathless, his eyes half lidded with lust. “Please.” He whimpered again not quite believing what was coming out of his mouth. His body knew what it wanted though and it wanted Aya inside.

Aya gentled pulled out his fingers and gripped the base of his cock to guide himself. He pressed into Ken as slowly as he could. Stilling himself he let the other adjust to him. Once he was steady inside him he reached up to stroke Ken’s length to keep the pleasurable sensation going. It took him some time to get seated fully inside the other man. His breath was a bit shaky. Ken was damn tight and felt so good. “Ah… Ken… just relax…” He reminded the other.

Ken had stopped breathing for the moment when Aya finally slid all the way inside him. He thought his mind was just going to go completely blank on him. Despite his best he tensed a little until he felt Aya’s hand come up to stroke him. “Ah...Aya.” The brunette bit into his lower lip turning it pink. “It hurts a little.” He felt so filled by the other man his own body shaking slightly. “Just keep going.” Ken didn’t want it to stop though so he tried to relax and let his body get used to things.

Aya gave him a few more moments, keeping Ken’s attentions elsewhere before he started to slowly rock his hips. He kept his pace slow and steady. Aya angled himself down a bit trying to not let sensation overwhelm him and keeping a close eye on Ken’s reactions. “I won’t stop unless you say so.” He reached up with his free hand to grip Ken’s thigh, rubbing it a bit with his fingers. It took everything he had to keep calm and slow until Ken urged otherwise.

Ken panted beneath him, his eyes fluttering closed. One hand reached up to grip Aya’s shoulder trying to pull him down. “I want you close.” Ken slid his legs off the red heads shoulders. “Oh god Aya…” He shuddered at the slight position switch, sweat starting to form on his skin from the strain. His hips began to rock back and forth with Aya’s momentum encouraging the other. The slight discomfort was almost completely gone now and Ken’s passion was flaring. “I need you Aya….I need you.”

Aya leaned in as close as he could, nipping a bit at his collar bone. He started to pick up the pace. “I’m here.” He said his voice deep and filled with his desire. “You have me.” Aya shook trying to calm himself a bit. Ken was going to push him over the edge too soon. He wanted to feel the other go first; feel him jerk and spasm underneath him. He leaned back just a little again to get a better angle, his other hand still stroking Ken. 

“Oh Shit...Aya.” Ken bucked his hips a little at the sound of Aya’s voice like velvet in his ears. The man really did have such a seductive voice and Ken loved hearing it. “Faster Aya.” The brunette could feel himself getting close the new sensation quickly pushing him towards his edge. Aya’s hot hand squeezed around him and he thought his heart was going to stop. “Oh god.” Ken pressed hard up into the redhead’s hand his cock throbbing as his orgasm hit him. The brunette grasps the sheets on either side and squeezed his eyes shut. It looked like fireworks going off behind his eyelids. He felt something hot and thick hit his stomach.

Aya was moving faster now, letting the friction play into his release. Feeling Ken’s body tighten around him like that caused him to thrust his hips harder into the other. Aya had to exercise every second of self-control watching the brunette writhe under him like that. “Ken!” He cried out saying the name of a man he dared to feel deeply for. 

After a few moments Aya was spent and having a hard time staying in the position he was in. He shifted and sat back a little bit, watching the other through half lidded eyes before he carefully pulled out and crawled up next to him to collapse on the bed. 

Ken was breathing heavy, his eyes closed. He didn’t even flinch when Aya pulled out of him. “Tissue, please.” The brunette didn’t want to make a mess all over Aya’s bed. His hand went limply up and without much enthusiasm. He really did just want to pass out. The amount of energy he had just expended had him exhausted.

Aya sat up and pulled a couple of tissues from the box on his bed stand. He needed on too and as he lay back down he handed one over to Ken. “Eh… don’t worry too much. I’ll need to wash them anyway. I made a mess.” He shifted slightly laying his head on Ken’s shoulder and putting an arm over him. Amethyst eyes settled on Ken’s features; he had such a handsome face. “I guess getting out of bed for the day just failed.” 

The brunette dabbed at his stomach making a rather lame attempt to clean up his mess. “I feel like I can’t function.” He laughed a little then winced. Now he was starting to feel a little sore since the passion had died down some. “Does it always hurt a little?” He couldn’t really believe what had just happened but he didn’t regret it. It had felt really good to just let himself go and let Aya take care of him like that.

“You get used to it, the pain becomes less noticeable.” He shrugged one pale shoulder a little. “I kind of got to where I liked the sensation.” He closed his eyes. “Don’t worry about it getting cleaned up; I’ve got an extra comforter in the closet. I’ll take this one to be cleaned. It needs it.” Aya got quiet for a bit seeming lost in his thoughts all of a sudden. It felt good that he could make Ken feel good and he was comfortable to have taken control of the situation this time. It seemed to be what he had needed and for a few brief minutes his mind had been solely focused on Ken.

The brunette sighed, sitting up slightly and tossing the tissue into the little black garbage bin by Aya's bed. That little bit of movement took all his energy and he flopped back down onto the pillows. "We can do that again sometime if you want.” Ken rolled his head to look at Aya and gave him a bashful smile. 

Aya turned his head a little to look at him. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. It’s been a while since I’ve…done that.” He closed his eyes to rest for a little while, figuring Ken wouldn’t be awake much longer anyway. He knew Ken probably hadn’t slept a whole lot while he was missing. Aya was starting to doze as well and soon both of them were napping soundly.


	14. Chapter 14

Aya didn’t stay asleep for long though and he turned to give Ken’s shoulder a gentle shake. “Hey, Ken… we should go shower; get cleaned up.” The redhead didn’t particularly relish the feeling of dried sweat sticking to his body.

"Hmmm?" Ken’s body rocked a little under Aya's shaking, his blue green eyes fluttering open. "Ok." He said but upon sitting he winced slightly feeling any enthusiasm for getting out of bed drain away. "We better have plenty of hot water." He finally conceded before hauling himself up to his feet.

Aya reached for his hand and led the groggy brunette into the bathroom, closing the door behind them to keep the small space heated. He made quick preparations with the shower quickly turning the knob all the way to the hot side. After a moment he tested it with his hand and swiveled the knob back to a satisfactory temperature. Steam billowed out of the shower door as he climbed in. For a quick moment he let himself indulge in the fact that he could now take a shower again whenever he pleased. 

Ken got in behind the other man and wasted no time putting his arms around him. "You seem like you’re enjoying yourself." He whispered into the back of Aya’s neck laying little kisses on the tender flesh there. Ken let his eyes drift shut enjoying the closeness and feel of the hot water running down his body. It wasn’t long before some of the tension started to melt away.

“I … think I’m feeling a little better.” Aya said quietly. “I’ve been struggling with the urge to just lock myself in my room.” He let his body weight pull him back against the other. “I guess being with you is just too tempting, even if you do have an awful temper.” It was true; they had gotten into some pretty heavy screaming matches since Ken had gotten home from the hospital. Aya had tried his best not to take things too personally but Ken could just be so stubborn! He failed to realize that was one of his own faults as well.

"I think you are doing a fine job but if you do decide to lock yourself away I will drag you out from your hiding spot and kick your ass." Ken meant every word of it too. He just didn't think he could handle Aya pulling away from him. He already felt like he had lost him once. Being prepared for your own death was one thing but losing someone you were close with was a different matter even if you knew that other person had accepted certain risks.

Ken finally grabbed his bottle of body wash and began to lather up. The spicy scent quickly filled the small bathroom. While the hot water soothed him he knew he was still going to be a bit sore for a while. Really what he wanted most was to lounge around with Aya in his PJs the rest of the day. It was a rare day that Ken didn’t do some sort of work out but he though today might not be the best day to push such a thing.

Aya easily found his own bottle of body wash, exactly where he left it. “Kick my ass, eh?” He managed to turn around and face the other as he scrubbed himself up and down. “I’ll hold you to that...” A little hint of a smile formed on his lips for just a second before the serious scowl came back in force. “I’m not…I’m not trying to hide from this.”

“Heh, it’s understandable really. The fact that you’ve not completely shut down has surprised me though.” Ken still wasn’t sure what exactly had happened but he knew enough that Aya would probably be having issues with it for quite some time. That was if he didn’t just completely shut off all emotion like he tended to do when stressed. 

Aya rinsed himself then climbed out of the shower getting his towel and beginning to dry off. “Something about… caring about you has kept me from clamming up too much. Most inconvenient.” He did throw another little smile back at Ken though. When the water shut off he passed a towel to Ken. “So I guess we continue our lazy day then…” If he was honest with himself it would be a good chance for him to get Ken up to speed on what had happened. The thought tasted bitter in his mouth, especially after what Ken had just done for him.

“I know I’m such a giant inconvenience!” Ken said dramatically and he towel dried his hair. It stuck up a little with no water weight to hold it down anymore. The brunette tilted his head seeing the pensive look come across Aya’s face. “Yeah, lazy day sounds good.” He didn’t want to pry but he also didn’t think that it was a great idea for Aya to keep what happened to him bottled up. 

Wrapping the towel around his waist Ken ran his fingers through his hair trying to get it to behave. “Ugh, I need a haircut.” He’d only gotten it cut twice since getting out of the hospital in the early summer. Once to even it up and once because he’d been forced to wear it back in a ponytail one day and that shit wasn’t flying. He really didn’t like having sharp objects around his head though and he was also a little self-conscious about the scars that laced across the back of his scalp. From a distance you couldn’t tell but once you got messing around under all that hair it was pretty obvious the brunette had experienced some head trauma.

“I can trim it up for you.” Aya told him, opening the door and wandering to his room to retrieve his robe. He slipped it back on along with some house slippers and returned. “I used to trim my sisters hair all the time. My…mother showed me how.” A sad smile full of remembrance haunted his features. “I promise it won’t look bad. I won’t cut my name into it or anything.” He took Ken’s towel from him and hung it up to dry.

Ken eyed him for a bit. “You miss her a lot, don’t you?” It was a rather foolish question really. It was painfully obvious at times how much Aya missed his sister even though he’d never say anything about it. In the past it’s why he’d taken off one night a week. He just wanted to see her and make sure she was happy. Aya didn’t talk much about his past or his family. In fact this was the first time Ken had ever even heard the redhead say anything about his mother in particular.

“Eh...it can go another week or two!” He grinned trying to bring Aya out of the funk he was slowly sliding into again. “I do need to shave though.” His fingers ran over the little bit of stubble on his chin. Ken couldn’t have actually grown a beard to save his life so he always kept himself clean shaven. The past few days though had seen his grooming habits go out the window. “I think there’s some curry rice left over in the fridge. Why don’t you heat that up and I’ll be out in a minute.”

“I do but … it’s best this way. Schuldig, he threated to drag her into all of this. I wouldn’t let that happen.” Aya shook his head changing the subject. “Yeah I’ll go heat that up, we’ll get you a haircut soon.” He left Ken to do his business and went into the kitchen to heat up the curry. Just thinking about the German put a flat look on his face.

The brunette watched the other go, a tight ball knotting up in his stomach. How could one person be so evil? He asked himself. As Weiß they were used to dealing with the seedy underbelly of society; used to dealing with the absolute worst that humankind had to offer. Schuldig though took depravity to a whole new level. 

Ken let out a little huff of frustrated breath and closed his eyes. In his head he got a very clear image of his baghnaks ripping the German’s throat open. It was satisfying somehow and yet only fueled the rage he felt against the other man. To hell with Farfarello, Siberian wanted Schuldig’s head on a plate!

He found that he had balled his fists up tight and the tension was beginning to strain his hands. ‘Save it.’ Ken told himself as he turned back to the mirror. ‘Keep that bottled up so the next time you see him there’s no way he’ll be able to escape.’ It gave Ken the mildest hope that someday he would have his revenge. 

The smell of curry started to fill the apartment as it heated up. Aya dished it up out of the sauce pan and two bowls setting them over on the tiny dining table. He sat down waiting for Ken and staring into his bowl. Left alone with his thoughts he wasn’t sure he was hungry anymore. He would try to eat though, if for nothing but Ken’s sake. Aya didn’t want to give the other man just one more thing to worry about. “It’s all ready.” He called out. 

After a quick shave and fishing out some clothes from his room Ken made his way into the kitchen. “Mmmm….smells good.” He plopped down in his seat trying not to make it too obvious that he was eyeing Aya’s bowel to see if the redhead had eaten any of it yet. “Would you believe Yohji actually made this?” It had surprised him yesterday when the blonde had brought him a large pot containing the curry. So it appeared Yohji wasn’t completely incompetent in the kitchen, he was just lazy.

“Yohji did? Well I guess I have to eat it now just to judge him.” Aya took a spoonful blowing on it to cool it a bit then stuck it in his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully… “Not bad.” He eyed the other for a moment. “You alright?” He could see a bit of the residual anger on Ken’s face. Quickly he looked back down at his bowl scooping up another spoon full of the rich rice and sauce combination.

Ken cocked him a little half smile but it barely covered up the look in his eyes. “Judge all you want. I wouldn’t have eaten the past few days hadn’t been for him. He may be a prick sometimes but when he doesn’t have his head shoved up his ass he can be a pretty decent guy.” The brunette stuck a large spoonful in his mouth so that he wouldn’t have to answer Aya’s question. He wasn’t plotting revenge per say but nothing would stop him from going after Schuldig if he ever found out where that bastard was hiding at. He didn’t even care if he had to go through the other three members of Schwartz first. 

One thing Ken had been struggling with since he’d gotten out of the hospital was his impulsiveness. It seemed the trauma to his brain had taken down some of his inhibitions and he was much more prone to act first before thinking things through. If Yohji hadn’t of stopped him Ken would have been out searching night and day for Aya.

Aya noted Ken’s evasive maneuver and just shook his head a little. “Just don’t do anything stupid.” He couldn’t help but to say it. He really didn’t want Ken getting himself hurt or worse killed. He knew Ken felt differently but Aya didn’t feel like he was worth getting himself killed over. That, given half a chance was exactly what Schuldig would do too. He glanced up at Ken trying to read the effect his words had. 

“What makes you say that?” Ken sounded a little defensive and stuck another spoonful of curry in his mouth. It was apparent he was worrying shit over in his head. He didn’t mean to but it was the way Aya had said it that ruffled him. The last thing he wanted to be called was stupid or to have his actions questioned. It hurt him a little that Aya didn’t seem to appreciate the fact that Ken had been busting his ass looking for him for four freakin’ days.

“Just...forget it.” Ken stood up going to dump the rest of his curry in the rubbish bin then tossed the bowel into the sink. It hit the porcelain with a ring. The brunette had taken Aya’s comment as a personal offense. If he didn’t watch himself it was very easy for his moods to swing around a lot. In his preoccupation with wanting to pummel Schuldig into a bloody pulp he’d lost a bit of his control.

Aya frowned. “Well what the hell do you want me to say, Ken? Go! Get yourself killed! Have a grand time of it too!” He stood up leaving his bowl on the table, walking over to Ken and getting right in his face. “You just forget about it! They are gone off somewhere! If we are lucky we won’t see them again and I would much prefer that than anything else!” Aya lost his cool throwing his hands up into the air. 

“Damnit Aya!” It was amazing how not an hour ago the two had been having a rather wonderful intimate moment and now they were yelling at each other. “What do you expect? Wouldn’t you do the same?” He pushed at the redhead trying to create some space between them. The further Aya was away physically from the brunette the better. He knew Ken’s temper was bad, that the man was a touch on the unstable side and after the stress over the past week it was no surprise that he had boiled over.

Ken had a deep fear, way down in his gut that if he were to disappear Aya wouldn’t come looking for him. Sure, Aya had done everything possible to get him help when Farfarello was done smashing his skull in but what if Aya had never been there in the first place? “I would do anything for you!” Ken yelled. “But you...oh no, not you. If this had been the other way around you wouldn’t have even bothered! Oh well, he’s probably dead. No point looking for that sorry, crazy bastard!” Ken couldn’t take being in the same room with the redhead anymore and he tried to move past him down the hall.

Aya stared at him, mouth a bit agape. He then glared getting in the brunettes way. “Don’t walk off on me like that! That fucking hurts that you’d say that. I’d go mad trying to find you! You didn’t see me sitting in that hospital day after day watching you. You didn’t see me break down and cry on Yohji of all people! I’d be angered to high hell if it happened to you but going out and facing an enemy ten times my strength alone is not what I’d want to do to you! Dying for you, I’d do in a heartbeat but looking for death wouldn’t be fair to you! I don’t want to have to bury you!” Aya shook a bit, his own adrenaline pumping hard at the outburst. He was livid that Ken would make those accusations of him. 

Ken got very quiet, dropping his head and shielding his eyes from Aya. It wasn’t a submissive posture though. “Get outta my way.” The brunette’s voice was steely. “You’re one to talk about revenge. Like you’ve never gone out seeking death. Never dove head first into a situation because you were so consumed by rage.” He wasn’t trying to push past Aya anymore but his fists were balled up at his sides. “I want Schuldig dead. I want to rip his bloody heart out for what he did to you. Why can’t you understand that?” He looked up and his eyes were red rimmed. 

It was difficult for him to convey to Aya just what exactly it was he was feeling. In his head Ken had convinced himself that Schuldig’s death would somehow ease all of Aya’s suffering, his pain and make him stop closing up all the time. “I’d bring you his heart on a plate.” The slow smile that spread across his face was terrifying.

Aya watched him listening, though he felt like the words the other man was saying were just drifting by. “I won’t get out of your way.” He said flatly. “You are right. I had lived a life full of anger and vengeance… but really I had nothing worth living for. I’d hoped I meant enough for someone else to live for.” He glanced at Ken, watching that smile on his face sent chills through his body and he felt as though his heart stopped for a moment or two. “Ken. Calm down.” The tone of his voice was made it sound like an order but he didn’t mean for it to come off so harsh sounding.

Ken was shaking now his vision going red. “You mean everything to me.” The voice that came from Ken’s mouth was almost unrecognizable. It seemed like something in the man had changed, as though his brain just couldn’t process the actual situation. “But you shouldn’t tell me what to do.” His tone was flat, like he wasn’t all in there anymore. “I could take him Aya, I know I could. It would be so easy to just slit that throat of his from behind.” A dark little chuckle fell from his lips. It was like he hadn’t even heard what Aya had been saying to him. 

Aya backed up a step lowering his head. “Do what you want then.” He finally said his voice cold and distant. He shouldered past Ken and went into his room closing the door. He had to admit that the way Ken was acting made him nervous. Aya knew he’d be right pissed off if someone hurt Ken, so he supposed he might have been too harsh on him. Maybe it was just fear of losing the brunette that took over in that moment but Ken was in no mood to be swayed. Aya just didn’t have it in him to fight anymore.


	15. Chapter 15

Ken breathed in deeply and closed his eyes. Inside he was screaming at himself for letting Aya get away like that yet he found a part of him didn’t really care all that much either. He grabbed his boots and went down stairs stuffing his feet into them. Yohji hadn’t been by yet so the shop was still closed. The brunette jerked the door and the shutter open, stepped out into the snowy cold morning and then slammed them both shut. The force sent a vibration through the old building that Aya could feel in his room.

Aya’s room may not have been the best place for him to go actually. He hadn’t cleaned up the bedding yet and the whole place still smelled like Ken and sex. With the brunette out of the building though at least Aya didn’t have to stay in his room. Funny how only a short time earlier Ken said he wouldn’t let Aya out of his sight and now he had gone off somewhere, who knew when to return.

Aya threw the comforter off the bed and flopped down. He stared up at the ceiling for a time, worrying his lip a bit with his teeth. A cold sensation flooded his heart followed by a bit of fear. The quiet immediately drove his brain to start thinking. He felt vulnerable being alone like this and he hated it. Turning on his side he pulled his pillow over his head and closed his eyes.

Maybe Yohji would stop by and Aya could just hang around him, or maybe he’d just stay here and hope no one bothered him. Ken had promised not to leave him alone but really why did it matter? The brunette couldn’t be around him all the time and more than likely that would drive Aya crazy after a while anyway. “Dammit.” He cursed, curling into a ball.

About an hour later Yohji walked up to the shop door and pulled out his keys. He had figured it wouldn’t matter too much if he opened late and he wanted to give Aya and Ken plenty of time to sleep in. Pulling up the shutter and unlocking the door he stamped the snow from his boots. The day was bright; crystal clear and the sun made the snow looked like everything was covered in a layer of diamonds.

Going into the shop he flipped on the lights and looked around. It didn’t seem like the other two had come down at all so he went to the bottom of the stairs and hollered up, “Ohayou gozaimasu!” He didn’t want to intrude on the others so he didn’t bother going up to check instead just turning to hand up his jacket and get things started for the day.

Aya heard Yohji come in and decided it was about high time he get dressed. His hands were shaking as he buttoned up his shirt but he put on a cold expression and forced down a deep breath. He appeared at the top of the steps. “Yohji, would you come up please?” He called down to the other then turned and went back into the kitchen to make some hot tea. Maybe the herbs would soothe him a bit? Ken’s crazed smile was still fresh on his mind though and it unnerved him. Aya couldn’t help but feel that he had been responsible for the fight. He didn’t realize that Ken would take it all so personally.

With the light backing Aya from the top of the stairs Yohji didn’t get a good look at the other man’s face and so couldn’t gauge his mood. “Hai, hai!” He slipped out of his boots and padded up the stairs in his socks. Yohji glanced right down the hall and then left into the kitchen catching sight of Aya briefly so he turned that way.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” The lanky man stuck his hands in his pockets the little apartment being somewhat chilly this morning. He did notice that the kotasu had been set up though so that more than likely meant Ken had been busy. There was no way Aya would go to the trouble of doing it himself.

Aya turned around with a tea mug in his hands. “Took me 12 hours flat to piss him off. I don’t know where he went.” He said flatly. “He took off in a rage; startled me a bit. I…I’m worried he might do something stupid.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before going past Yohji into the sitting room. “He wants to hunt down Schuldig… It’s, well he’s being an idiot.”

Yohji knew the redhead had been through a horrible ordeal and deserved some much needed space and gentle handling. He had really hoped Ken would have been able to do that. Apparently he’d been wrong. The second night Aya and been missing Ken confessed that since he’d come home from the hospital they’d been fighting a lot more. He said the doctors had told him he might be more moody than usual and he wasn’t handling it well. Moody seemed to be an understatement when it came to Ken though. The man was turning into a time bomb.

“Shit…” The blonde came over to the kotasu and sat down sticking his long legs out under it to keep them warm. “Look, you know you just need to give him some time to cool off and he’ll be back. It’s not like he’s just gonna waltz out there and find the man anyhow.” Yohji’s exposure to Schwartz had been minimal; he’d seen what they were capable of but hadn’t felt the full wrath of it like the other three had. Out of all of them Yohji lacked perspective on the whole thing a bit. “Once he calms down he’ll realize the whole thing’s pointless.” He wasn’t sure if he actually believed that or not though.

“He got a rather… a crazed look about him.” Aya spoke, his voice sounding distant. “Accused me that…. if our roles were reversed that I wouldn’t have bothered looking for him.” He sat the tea mug aside and brought his hands up rubbing at his face a few times. “It would be our luck he’d actually find them and get himself killed.” Aya was doing a fine job of avoiding eye contact; just giving Yohji quick little glances here and there. “I know… he is going to have temper problems but… you didn’t see the way he smiled. It was bloodthirsty. ” Seeing it on Ken had definitely had given him chills. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Ken was just blowing off some steam.” Yohji tried to make light of the situation but he could see Aya pulling away; withdrawing and he didn’t like the way the other wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Ken knows it too. He knows you care about him. The past couple of days have just been rough on him and you too.”

Aya was right though, Yohji hadn’t seen it. He didn’t know how close Ken was coming to that edge. “They probably aren’t even in the country anymore.” The blonde hoped that was the case anyway. “There is no way there could be a confrontation but we might need to keep Ken on a short leash for a while.” Yohji had seen Ken’s temper though and knew the damage the man could inflict. He didn’t want Aya dealing with that on his own.

“Look I know you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself in most situations. You don’t go down easy but if Ken does get out of hand call me. You need time to recover and don’t need to be dealing with his crap too.”

Aya nodded a little listening to him quietly. He felt a bit foolish thinking he might need the help to keep Ken in line but really he was a bit unsure he could handle it by himself right now. “I should be able to handle his temper but I can't stop him from steaming off in a rage. I just don’t want him wrecking that damn bike or getting into a fight. He said he wouldn't leave me alone but I pissed him off. I didn't say anything to be malicious."

Yohji sighed dropping his head a little, those long honey blonde locks falling into his face. “I know you didn’t. Even on the best days though, you can come off being a bit of a bitch.” He gave Aya a teasing smile only half meaning it. “You’re both really raw right now. I thought Ken would be able to give you some stability but if he can’t keep his cool then it’s not good for either of you.” He almost wanted to suggest that maybe Aya should come stay with him for a while but didn’t. Yohji as a general rule hated to be responsible for other people and didn’t want to play referee between the two men if at all possible.

“He’s a grown man though Aya and he’s going to make decisions for himself whether you approve or not. I know you want him to be safe, same as he wants that for you but you’re not his parent. If he wants to go out and get into a fight that’s not your responsibility, even if you were the one to piss him off. Maybe give him a little bit of space?” The blonde was kind of at a loss really. He wanted to help but his own track record with relationships wasn’t stellar by any means. 

Aya was quiet for a while, sipping the rest of his tea before he sighed and looked at the blonde. "Let's get the shop open. I need something to keep me busy." He headed back to his room to change into his work clothes and was back out in less than two minutes. "Sorry to drag you into this. Let's go busy ourselves." 

"It’s not necessary you know. I can take care of the shop on my own." Yohji didn't think it was a great idea for Aya to be around people just yet. "Look, I know you want something to do. Maybe stick to doing arrangements in the back? Let me take care of customers?" He stood up and stretched. "When Ken comes back though we are sitting him down and having a little talk about his attitude." Crap, Yohji just got himself involved again.

Aya nodded. "Yeah I’ll just fill some orders." He headed down the stairs. "I know you don't want to be in the middle of it. I will try to talk to him; if he won't listen to me he probably won't listen to you either." Aya didn't mean it to be harsh; his voice was calm and cold. Aya was dealing with the situation by not dealing with it for now. He went into the back to start pulling flowers out of the cooler. 

The blonde followed him downstairs. "I just don't feel like it's any of my business to get involved with you and Ken's personal life. I will tell you one thing though. The two of you are playing a dangerous game. What we do, it leaves little room for anything else. If it gets too out of hand you guys may need to cool it down." There he was giving advice he shouldn't have been giving.

Aya frowned a bit staring blankly at the irises he had just pulled out of the cooler. "I will talk to him. I just hope he's cooled it when and if he crawls back home.” He let out a little frustrated sigh. "I guess it’s what I get for giving a damn. You better not get too wild and crazy on me or I’ll just up and leave the country."

"We all have our own demons Aya. I'm dealing with mine the best I can. Right now though, you and Ken have some pretty big issues to wrestle with.” Yohji echoed Aya’s sigh as he counted out the cash for the mornings till. “Who am I to talk though? I think between the four of us we could start our own psychiatric facility. The nurses and doctors would be busy full time with us around. Hell, they’d probably use us for case studies.”

After he was done counting the till Yohji proceeded to open the shutters and unlock the front door. He flipped the little open sign with the black kitten on it to read ‘open.’ Business would more than likely be slow today with the snow and all. The weather forecast was calling for more saying it was one of the earliest winters in a long time. It was barely into October and it was rare for Tokyo to get snow anyway.

Aya didn’t say anything more as he grabbed one of the orders off a neat stack of papers. Though he stared at the hand writing none of it registered. Instead he kept thinking about how to talk about things with Ken without setting the other off. Did he really sound that harsh? He hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. His chest continued to feel tight as the hours ticked slowly by.

They had a slow trickle of customers throughout the day so it was easy for Yohji to pop his head back around the corner to check on Aya from time to time. The redhead seemed to be lost in his own thoughts for most of the day so Yohji kept conversation to a minimum. As the afternoon drug on he was starting to get a little worried about Ken as well, having figured the brunette would be back by now. He hoped he didn’t plan on staying out all night.

Pretty soon it was time to close up shop. As the blonde was pulling the shutter closed large flakes of snow began to drift down from the sky. The temperature had definitely dropped throughout the afternoon. After making sure everything was secure Yohji meandered to the back room. “You know, you can only make so many vase arrangements. We won’t have room for them all if you keep it up?” It was apparent that Aya had finished filling orders some hours ago.

Aya glanced up looking a bit startled as if he didn’t even realize he’d made so many. “Oh.” He placed his cutting shears on the table. “Uh guess I’d better clean this all up. Thanks for manning the shop.” He turned to face the other wiping his hands clean on his shop apron. “I’ll clean up here and get everything put away if you want head out.” He turned back to the vases and started picking them up two at a time to take to the cooler.

Yohji crossed his arms over his chest, wrinkling the blue material of his work shirt. “Maybe I should stay? I don’t wanna be nosy but when Ken does come back I want to be close in case you need anything.” He also just didn’t want to leave Aya on his own. The man had after all experienced quite a bit of trauma and though he may look solid as ice the blonde knew the other’s brain was working overtime  
.  
“I’ll call something in for delivery, maybe see if Omi can stop by for a bit.” He did need to call Omi and give him an update on the situation anyway. It might be a good idea for him to send out some feelers for Ken as well. After all, the head of the Taketori family had a lot of resources; he could surely spare some to keep an eye out for their comrade.

He shrugged one shoulder a little. “If you want. I don’t think I’m feeling up to socializing.” Aya frowned. “I’ll eat a meal with you though.” He pulled off his apron after getting everything put away and made a beeline for the stairs. “Hell for all I know I’m out a roommate.” He muttered, feeling that tightness pull at his chest immediately after he said it.

He headed up the stairs throwing his apron on the cash register as he passed it. Once upstairs Aya made his way to the kotasu and turned it on, sticking his feet under it. Normally he wouldn’t have bothered but if Yohji insisted on staying for a bit he knew the blonde would want it on.

Yohji really wished he’d stop just wandering off like that. Though Aya was notorious for doing what he wanted, when he wanted. “I’ll be up in a minute.” He called up the stairs then fished his phone out of his pocket. Speed dialing one of his favorite sushi joints he placed a quick order then placed a call to Omi’s private cell. Waiting for the other man to pick up Yohji puttered around the shop straightening things up while waiting for their food.


	16. Chapter 16

“Mamaru.” Is how Omi answered. “How is he?” There was no point with civilities; he knew why Yohji was calling. There had been intense relief that Aya had been recovered but he was concerned about the other’s mental state. Schuldig was just about as unpredictable as anyone could be so there was no telling what kind of damage he had actually done.

“Not so great.” Yohji moved into the back room as far away from the stairs as possible to keep Aya from catching the conversation. He didn’t want to make the redhead feel any guiltier than he already did. “Schuldig roughed him up pretty badly, no major physical injuries but Aya is definitely struggling. He and Ken had a fight today and Ken took off. He’s still gone. I was wondering if maybe you could keep your ‘eyes’ out for him?” He brushed a bit of lint off his shirt and checked his watch for the delivery time. “Ken’s pretty much a wreck too. Aya said he wants to go after Schuldig for revenge.” The blonde sighed deeply. “Omi...it’s got to stop sometime right? It’s been a year and Weiß still isn’t back on its feet.” His voice had a strained sound to it.

Omi sighed audibly on the other end. “I might have a mission needing two of you in Europe. I’m thinking of sending you and Ken. Maybe taking him out of the situation all together might help? I don’t know Yohji… we were warned that Ken might have some issues from here on out. I’ll have my people keep an eye out for him though. Text me if he comes back.”

“Europe,huh?” Yohji didn’t particularly sound optimistic but maybe Omi was right. He hated to see Aya and Ken falling apart like this. They’d barely had anytime to actually enjoy a budding relationship. The blonde thought that it was a terrible shame; the first few months were always the best part. “That might not be a horrible idea.” He paused for a moment. “I’ll let you know if he shows up. If any of your guys find him they may want to exercise caution. “

“Alright, I’ll put the word out. See what we can find. I’ll have more information on the European mission soon.” The sound of Omi’s typing drifted over the phone speaker. “Take care Yohji-kun.” Then the line clicked off.

Almost as if on cue a knock came at the shop door. Yohji fished his wallet out and paid the delivery girl. She coquettishly handed over the food and giggled. The blonde gave her a polite smile but that’s as far as he went. Normally he would have at least paid her a compliment but his brain was crammed too full of all the shit that was going on around him. “Mmm, losing my touch.” He mumbled.

Aya sat quietly upstairs as series of ‘what ifs’ circling round and round in his head. He figured he had blown things pretty badly with Ken and he cursed softly into the sleeve of his shirt. Seemed he screwed up everything he got his hands on. He glanced up to the window staring out at the large flakes coming down silently. The city would spend another day blanketed in white if it kept up.

“Aya, foods here.” Yohji called walking up the stairs. “I ordered sushi.” Turning and going to the kitchen he stopped short seeing Aya just staring off into space. His heart jumped a little; the redhead looked so pale and the bruises at his throat were getting darker as they had started to heal. “Hey!” He rushed over sitting the boxed food down unceremoniously. “You ok?” He definitely didn’t like the way Aya was looking.

Aya jerked a bit coming to. “What? Yeah… I just… feel sore and tired. It’s been a long day.” He glanced at the box of food. “Sushi huh? Didn’t figure you’d spring for that.” He reached up in an uncharacteristically comforting gesture and touched Yohji on the shoulder to reassure him that he was fine. “I was just lost in thought is all. Thank you for taking care of dinner.”

Yohji let out his breath and sunk down to the floor letting Aya pull out the food and take what he wanted first. “You know, I’m not one to pry and...I know you’re not one to share but do you want to talk about anything?” He grabbed a set of paper wrapped hashi and pulled them apart. It was easier to just use the included disposable ones then dirtying up Aya and Ken’s sets.

Aya gingerly took a couple pieces of the tuna and chewed thoughtfully, taking his time and swallowing slowly before he spoke. “I don’t know what to say…It’s easier to function if I don’t focus on it too much.” He shrugged a little. “Food’s good.” He glanced over to Yohji, watching him for a moment. “I guess Schuldig managed to mess up more than just my body.” 

“Hey, it’s fine. I get it if you don’t wanna talk about it. You’ve just been so quiet all day, not even a single snide comment.” Yohji got up and went to the kitchen. “You want tea?” Opening the fridge he didn’t wait for a reply and brought back two bottles. “I’m really not good at this but I want to help.” Yohji passed a bottle of tea to Aya. “You barely had anything to drink today. Hah, I got stuck babysitting Ken for four days and now I’m stuck looking after you.” He smiled trying to lighten the mood. “Since when did I become the father figure in this crazy life of ours?” As soon as those words came out of his mouth Yohji gave a shudder. Fatherhood certainly wasn’t on the top of his list of things he wanted to accomplish in this life.

Aya’s face lifted a little though not quite in a smile. “You are the oldest.” He commented dryly taking the bottle of offered tea. He cracked open the bottle and took a long drink. “I really don’t need to be babysat Yohji. I’m dealing with it. I just… keep getting lost in my thoughts. I’ve never been one much for idle talk anyway.” He picked up another piece and put it to his lips but sighed and lowered it back to his plate. “It’s easier to not feel at all if things have gone sour.” 

“I’m only a year older than you. Besides, you’re the ‘unofficial leader’ of this mess of a group. You say that but then you just sit alone and brood. Someone’s got to make sure you at least eat.” Yohji took a swig of his tea. 

“You know, Omi might have something coming up in Europe. He talked about sending me and Ken out there.” Yohji quieted for a moment to gauge the other’s reaction. “I think we’re all going a little stir crazy. We all knew what it meant when we started down this path.” The blonde looked towards the window and the softly falling snow letting his gaze soften. “There’s no going back for any of us. We’ll do this till the day we die.” Yohji’s voice had gotten a little sad sounding. Out of the four of them it seemed Yohji had the most problems with taking a life. Every time he did it left a mark on him.

Aya watched him for a bit before sighing. He didn’t seem to have an adverse reaction to the news. “I think it’ll be good for him to get away and get into work. I mean… Ken made a promise to not leave me alone and he did and I didn’t die, so I guess it could be good for him to just…” He shrugged a little. “I dunno. He’s the only one who would know, I can only guess what he’s thinking.” He reached for more sushi. “I’m assuming if he wants to send you two he has something else in mind for me. I just wish that stubborn ass would pop up so I could talk to him.”

“You can’t really blame him Aya. The man’s had some serious head trauma and we knew he’d be difficult at times. I don’t think he purposely broke that promise. I think what’s going on with his head got the upper hand on him.” Yohji turned back to look at the redhead. “Whatever happens though you two need to settle things. I don’t think I can deal with Ken on my own if he’s all mopey about leaving you behind. Omi didn’t get into specifics. He just said it would only require two of us. I know the kid is working hard and is under a lot of pressure but at least he’ll be out of school soon. I hear University is a cake walk so he should be fine.”

Aya nodded in agreement. “I don’t blame Ken, I’d just like to apologize… for whatever I did. He’ll be fine. We went into this knowing that Weiß takes precedence. He scooted over closer to the box and started eating more. Once getting some food in his system Aya was starting to realize how hungry he actually was. “I won’t give up on him; on what we have but I think getting him away for a bit might help. We just have to hope Omi comes through.”

“I know it would do all of us some good. We’re just not meant for this civilian bullshit anymore.” There was a rough edge to Yohji’s voice when he said it. The blonde was definitely bitter about some things. “I didn’t know you had it in you though.” He perked up a bit and smiled at Aya teasingly. “Although I have to admit if Ken hadn’t been in the picture I might have gone after you myself.” Yohji shook his head as if embarrassed though. “I’m not sure what I was thinking. But I feel like I owe you an apology for my behavior earlier this year.”

Aya shook his head. “C'mon Yohji I’m high maintenance and have expensive taste.” He flicked violet eyes at the other. “Besides…I thought you were a committed ladies man.”

Suddenly Aya froze, the sound of the shutter from down stairs being pulled up drifting up the stairs. Getting swiftly to his feet he went to the stairs and padded down them quickly. “Ken?” He stopped at the bottom of the stairs staring into the dark shop.

The sound of the shutter being pulled up echoed through the place. Ken stepped into the darkened shop snow clinging to his hair and clothes. He’d left without his jacket that morning and as soon as he hit the warm air in the shop the ice began to melt quickly leaving a puddle about his feet. The brunette would be soaked through in minutes but he barely felt the discomfort of his wet clothes starting to cling to him.


	17. Chapter 17

Ken stood in the darkened room barely moving. The only sound was the dripping water off his clothes. “I think, I need a towel.” His voice was hoarse as if he’d been screaming, either that or the cold had gotten to him and he was getting sick. Either way he looked and sounded worse for wear.

Yohji had made it halfway down the stairs when he heard Ken. He made an immediate about face to get a towel from the bathroom. Part of him also didn’t really want to see the potential explosion that was about to happen.

Aya came into the shop, his eyes adjusting quickly to the dark. He cautiously approached the sodden form of his team mate. “Ken you… you must be freezing.” He dropped his head a little feeling a bit foolish for stating the obvious. “I didn’t mean to be an ass.” Tentatively he reached out. “Let’s get you warmed up. Are you hungry at all?” He didn’t know what Ken had spent the day doing out in the cold but he didn’t want the other coming down with something. Despite personal feelings at the moment it was in Ken’s best interest to get him warmed up as soon as possible.

Yohji was back down with a towel pretty quickly and he passed it off to Aya. “Hey, Ken...you alright?” It was a little eerie seeing him standing in the darkness so still like that. The blonde imagined that this is what many of Ken’s targets had seen before the lights went out for good.

“I just...I need to clean up.” He definitely didn’t sound like himself. Grabbing the towel from Aya he draped it over his head and made for the stairs. The brunette left little puddles as he went. The bathroom door shut with a loud thump.

Yohji looked to Aya for a moment then turned to go back upstairs. When he got to the bottom he stopped. “Aya...you should...see this.” The puddles that Ken had left on the stairs were not water from melting snow. Dark red droplets had splashed onto the wood.

Aya frowned. He shook his head and moved him right up the stairs. “Ken?” He called through the door. “Are you hurt?” He wanted to give the brunette his space but now he had to be sure he wasn’t injured. Anger washed over him again that this whole thing could very well be his fault. If he had just backed down Ken wouldn’t have left.

Ken hadn’t started the shower yet. He’d spent several seconds already staring at his pitiful reflection in the mirror. The amount of disgust and self-loathing he felt right now was practically choking him. “Not...mine.” He answered softly. The towel he’d used to dry his hair was now tinged pink.

Yohji followed up behind Aya giving the redhead an inquisitive glance. “I’ll get the mop.” He said moving into the kitchen. They very well couldn’t leave Ken’s mess as evidence had the brunette royally fucked up. The blonde cursed softly under his breath.

Aya stood silently for a moment. Finally he took a chance and cracked open the bathroom door. “Do you want to talk to anyone?” He asked quietly. “This is my fault. I don’t know what to do.” He didn’t step in unsure if the brunette wanted him around. “Just… tell me what you want me to do.” His voice lacked any strong indicators of emotion but inside he was screaming at himself.

The brunette didn’t look at him but continued to stare into the mirror his hands gripping the sides of the sink. He was thoroughly soaked through now the pinkish puddle at his feet threatening to stain the bathmat by the shower now. “I don’t know...I don’t know what happened. I think I blacked out.” Suddenly Ken’s legs gave out from under him and he toppled to the floor. He brought his hands up and they were stained red. “What did I do?” The shock of his realization was pretty apparent.

Yohji heard the ruckus and bolted back upstairs. “Aya, what’s going on?” His voice sounded a little panicked. “Do I need to call Omi?”

Aya opened the door and sat down beside Ken, pulling him in close and wrapping his arms around him. The mess was a non-issue. “Ken… you’re freezing.” He looked over his shoulder. “Call Omi. Ken said he blacked out… see if he can find anything….” Aya was concerned. If Ken lost it and killed someone they would have to in turn kill him. He would be one of the dark beasts, killing without a mission. Aya hope it had just been a simple fight. “Cmon, we need to get you warmed up.” He rubbed the others arms. 

“Shit!” Yohji frantically pulled his phone from his pocket, almost losing it and sending it flying into the kitchen. He punched the button for Omi his heart pounding in his chest. The blonde peaked cautiously back in the bathroom.

Ken shivered slightly against Aya. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He just kept repeating. “I...I couldn’t stop.” The good thing was that it didn’t appear as though the brunette had sustained any major injuries. The front of his shirt, pants and face were pretty covered though. Whatever did happen, a lot of blood had been spilled.

Aya got up and drug Ken with him into the shower, not even bothering to strip out of his clothes. He knew he had to get Ken’s body temperature up. “Cmon…” He said again making sure the water was warm enough before he pushed him under it.

Ken tried to push himself up leaning on Aya heavily. “I’m sorry Aya, I fucked up.” There were layers of regret in his voice. He couldn’t really feel his hands; they were so numbed from the cold. The hot water stung his skin even through the layers of his clothing and the heat made the iron of the blood on him smell sharper.

Omi answered on the second ring. “Yohji-kun… did he come back?” The youth had been waiting on the ‘eyes’ he had all over the city to report back to him. Nothing had popped up yet but sooner or later they would find out what Ken had been up too.

“We have a situation over here Omi.” Yohji tried to keep his voice steady. “Ken showed up a few minutes ago. He’s covered in blood, says he blacked out.” The blonde started systematically trying to shut down any emotions he had involved with this whole fiasco. It was something all of them did when work had to be done. He knew the consequences if Ken had killed without a mission plan or target. “We have to know what happened.”

The ever incessant clicking of Omi’s keyboard came through loud and clear over the line. “I’m going to look into the police reports. Just stay on the phone with me. I sure hope I don’t find anything though. I guess I haven’t let the dog hunt. This may just come back to bite me.” He mumbled to himself.

“I know.” Yohji’s voice was curt. “We’ll take care of it if we need to. I hope he just went off on some guy in a bar brawl or something though.” He quickly peeked in the door again looking to Aya. “Do you need help?” He mouthed silently trying not to let the strange image of the two clothed men in the shower bother him.

Aya shook his head. “I got him.” He mouthed back. “It’s okay Ken, just warm up and we’ll get you in bed. I’ll take care of everything.” Aya wasn’t sure what everything could entail at this point and there were very real possibilities he didn’t want to think about.

The brunette was about as cooperative as a floppy doll. He tried to lift his arms so Aya can get the shirt off him but he’s pretty well useless. Ken’s eyes were glassy as well but at least the hot water was raising his body temperature. He didn’t feel like he’d just walked out of an industrial sized freezer anymore.

Omi sighed audibly. “I’m seeing a report on a big fight but I have yet to see anything about a death.” He told Yohji. “Actually several fights but I couldn’t tell you if Ken had anything to do with any of them. It’s mostly just the standard police reports, not a lot of info to go off of.” 

The blonde breathed out a sigh of relief. He knew they’d still have to keep an eye on things. If someone had been hospitalized and died from complications they’d still have to hold Ken responsible if he were the offending party. “Ok, keep us posted. I’m gonna try help where I can here.” He was getting so tired of having to deal with his ‘friends’ drama though. Since Aya and Ken had become a thing it felt like there was constantly some crisis going on.

“I’m sorry.” Ken mumbled again finally managing to at least slip out of his shirt. “I’m so tired.” He leaned against Aya effectively pinning the redhead to the back of the shower wall. At least all the blood had washed away by this point. They’d still have to clean up the bathroom floor though.

Aya stood there with him quietly. Finally when he felt Ken had sufficiently warmed up he struggled to get out from under him. Seeing Yohji had gotten off the phone he called for him. “Help me get him up. Going to put him to bed.” He saw Yohji’s stern face and knew the blonde was probably a bit on the frustrated side. “Let’s get him to bed… and you can go if you want. I’ll take care of things… in any way that needs to be done.” Aya’s voice held no inflection and his face was stone cold.

Yohji nodded reaching in and pulling Ken up off of Aya. The man was heavy and wet. “We’ll talk in a bit.” Ken was pretty unresponsive by this point having completely burned himself out. The blonde grabbed some towels. Luckily the laundry had been done earlier in the week so there was a stack of clean ones. They managed to get Ken out of the rest of his clothes; Yohji looked away awkwardly before rolling the brunette into his bed.

He grabbed Aya by the arm and took him into the hall. “Omi hasn’t found anything conclusive yet. Some fights but no hospitalizations so far. He’s gonna keep looking till he’s one hundred percent sure Ken hasn’t done anything...” Yohji was antsy but he didn’t want to leave Aya to deal with the potential backlash of things. “I can crash here on the floor. That way if…” he trailed off. The blonde really didn’t want Aya to have to shoulder the responsibility alone if it came to that.

Aya listened to him intently then looked Yohji straight in the eyes. “I’ll handle it.” He said voice full of steel. He turned and went into his room getting some blankets out of the closet then brought them out to Yohji. “Just… I’ll stay in his room with him. You’ll have to sleep on the floor, you’re too tall for the couch.” Aya took in a deep breath. He didn’t want Yohji to have to shoulder the responsibility of taking Ken out if they needed too. After handing the blankets off to Yohji he turned away, entering the bathroom and kneeling to dry the floor with a towel. 

Yohji stood there a moment long with his pile of blankets. “Ok.” It’s all he could think to say so he just went into the living room and laid out the blankets in the only real open spot by the window. A few minutes later he came back with a box full of trash bags. “Here, put the towels in these for now.” There was no way the blood was going to come out. The best option would be to burn them. “Be easy on him.” He finally said quietly. “He may not deserve it. Omi has come up with nothing conclusive yet.” 

Aya dumped the towels into one of the bags. “It would just make things worse.” He stood up having sopped up the pink water the best he could. “I’m going to watch him though.” Aya glanced back over his shoulder at the blonde before heading to Ken’s room. “Thank you.” 

Aya closed Ken’s door softly behind him. He spotted a pair of flannel sleep pants on the floor and figured it was high time to get out of his wet jeans. After draping the sodden pants over Ken’s hamper he crawled into the small bed with the brunette hoping that the other man would be asleep.

Ken stirred a little feeling Aya scoot in next to him. “Aya?” His voice was sleepy sounding but still raw. “Did I….” He opened those blue green eyes and it was like looking into the depths of the sea. There were shades of emotion; uncertainty and fear. Now that he had warmed up he was coming out of the shock a little bit.

“We don’t know what you did.” Aya said, having a hard time looking the other in the eyes all of sudden. “Omi will be looking over police reports.” Finally though he reached up and brushed Ken’s damp hair from his face. “I’m going to stay right here.” He assured him. “You sure know how to piss me off sometimes but … I guess I start my fair share of it too.”

He dropped his head not being able to look Aya in the face. “No...I’m an idiot. I’m sorry. I should have listened to you. But once it starts I can’t...I can’t stop. It’s like I become someone else and that scares the shit out of me. The way you’re looking at me, that scares me too.” It was obvious the brunette was deeply disturbed. “I just…I couldn’t handle it, knowing what he did to you.” Ken suddenly wrapped his arms around Aya and pulled him close. “Sometimes I feel like you hate me, hate me for cracking that shell of yours.”

Aya laid his head down on Ken’s chest, putting an arm around him. “Sometimes…. I do.” He admitted softly. “...but the other things you make me feel far outweigh it.” He sighed closing his eyes. “I love you Ken.” In the quiet dark of Ken’s bedroom the words finally came. The anxious worry he had been feeling all day had just driven the point home even more. “It’s funny sounding, come from my mouth… isn’t it?” He tilted his head slightly to look up at the other man.

Ken’s heart startled in his chest and he could feel the thumping in his ears. That was absolutely the last thing he expected to hear from Aya, especially tonight. The brunette couldn’t look at him. His heart is so heavy with guilt. “I love you too.” He did manage that though. “I’ve put you through some pretty horrible things and I’ll always regret that.” The brunette kissed Aya’s forehead. He knew what would happen if he had crossed the line today but he didn’t want to think about it. He wanted to just pretend it didn’t matter. “Aya...I….” His voice cracked a bit.

Aya adjusted his position to put his arm under Ken’s head, the other hand running his fingers through that brunette hair gently. “I’ve been through worse things. You just… it’s not your fault. I’ll admit if I could get Farfarello I would… I actually hate him more than Schuldig.” He confessed, amethyst gaze trained back on Ken. “You what?” He asked his voice more gentle now.

It made him feel a little better, Aya saying that about Farfarello but it didn’t change the situation at hand. “If I...really messed up today. If I killed someone without orders...I know what will happen.” He finally let his eyes meet Aya’s. “I don’t want that on you. I’ll take myself out first before I let my blood be on your hands.” Ken’s face had gone very serious. “I can’t let you do it.”

Aya’s gaze dropped away and he started to bite his lip. It seemed he was thinking pretty hard about it. “I kind of already accepted it being on my hands.” He finally said. “Let’s not worry about it until we know for sure.” His eyes screwed shut though and the muscles in his jaw tensed. 

Ken could almost hear Aya grinding his teeth. “Stop, stop.” Ken touched his fingers to Aya’s jaw. “You keep doing that and you’re gonna wear your teeth down.” He looked incredibly sad, like he was the cause for some great injustice in the world. “I can’t not worry about it. Believe me if I could just put it out of my mind I would.” That large, rough hand of his caressed over Aya’s cheek. “I’m afraid I’m gonna end up just like him you know? Like he’s spread the insanity to me somehow like a disease.” A lot of darkness had been locked up in Ken’s heart since getting out of the hospital. Things he kept buried so deep down that he never wanted to admit. “You know, when I was a kid I was in a church orphanage for a while. We used to have confession every Sunday.” He fidgeted a bit. “I figure you’re no priest but I don’t want to keep you in the dark.” The sudden need to confess overwhelmed him. If the redhead was going to be his executioner then Ken wanted to get things off his chest.

Aya nodded but his brow furrowed. Who was he to offer forgiveness? “You can tell me anything you like but...” He told the other having released the tension in his jaw only because Ken told him to stop. He rolled on his back pulling Ken’s head onto his chest and began to lightly scratch his back. “Farfarello was born a nut job. We just need to try and find a way to calm you down when things start getting bad.”

”It’s like a bomb goes off in my head. The pain, the lights, like the worst fucking migraine you’ve ever had. The doctors say it will get better with time but who knows how long it will take. What if I lose it on a mission? I don’t want to have to worry about turning on you guys.” He snuggled into Aya’s chest a bit. “I don’t want to hurt you either. I know you’re strong but I could so easily get the better of you in a tight space. I’d never forgive myself if I damaged you. I just can’t trust myself. Today I was just seeing red all over the place. I remember leaving but...that’s it. The whole day is just gone.” Ken was getting a little worked up again, his voice going shaky.

“Maybe when you start to feel it build, we can think of something you can do… deep breathes, yoga, I don’t know. I’m certainly not a doctor.” He started to knead the muscle in his back with his fingers. “It is partially my fault… I should just back down or try to talk you down instead of going toe to toe with you.” Aya gave a soft grumble in the back of his throat. “Sometimes I just don’t know when to quit.”

“You’re stubborn that’s for sure but so am I. That probably isn’t a good thing.” Aya’s hand felt very good on the sore muscles in his back. “You shouldn’t have to talk me down from a ledge every time some little thing pisses me off. I don’t know what to do about it either though. I just feel like I’ve lost my grip; my control. I should have never taken it out on you. I knew better, knew you were in just as much pain, if not more so than I.” Laying there listening to the slow drum beat of Aya’s heart was starting to calm him again.

“That’s part of it though, we have to support each other, right?” His breathing was slow and steady. “We might be able to get your mind off of it though. There’s talk that you and Yohji might end up in Europe for a bit for a mission. Maybe it’ll keep your mind off things?” Aya worked down to his lower back kneading with nimble fingers.

“Europe, huh? Just me and Yohji?” Ken looked a touch sad but it was after all part of the job description. If Omi needed them in Europe he couldn’t really say no. Things had definitely changed in Weiß over the past year. Previously if any of them had wanted to sit out on a case they could but now things were different. “That would leave you here all on your own. Do you know any more details?” It was helpful just talking about work. Their lives had been so crazy over the past week that routine was especially beneficial.

“I’ve heard he is looking for fresh meat for the team. Babysitting might be why I’ll be here and not in Europe but I don’t know all the details yet.” Aya started dragging his fingers gently and softly up and down the others back. “It’ll be good to be busy again. We’re not cut out for civilian life.” It was true that they were all going a bit stir crazy.

“I never thought I’d look forward to it you know. That rush, that excitement. It sounds horrible doesn’t it?” Little prickles of goose flesh formed on his back from the stroking of Aya’s fingers. “I guess once you’ve tasted this kind of life it’s hard to go back. I feel so sick in the head for just saying this but… it’s almost like I crave it. There is this guilt inside me because you know with the way I grew up and all; it’s a sin to take human life. I try to tell myself every day that it’s for a good reason. That by killing one individual I’m saving so many more.”

“I may seem like it doesn’t affect me.” He started. “But I get a thrill… I don’t know how to explain it… I guess feeling a bit of anguish at my desire to kill is what keeps me feeling still human and not like a beast.” He tilted the others head a bit to look in his eyes. “I won’t judge you for feeling like that; I’d be a hypocrite if I did. I hate to say it but… keep that guilt… it keeps your humanity.” Aya let go of Ken’s chin then kissed the top of his head. “This right here… makes us still human.”

Ken sighed deeply taking Aya’s words to heart. He’d never thought about it too much in the past, probably because he didn’t want to face up to it. Now though with his head being messed up the way it was he was definitely having to confront some things about himself he didn’t want to see. “I suppose you’re right. If we lose that humanity we really are nothing better than those we hunt.” The brunette got quiet for a moment as though he were thinking on something deeply. “Maybe we can get to the point someday where both of our pasts won’t affect this. I have very strong feelings for you which I feel like I haven’t even begun to explore but I’ve got to get this other stuff out of me before I can focus on this.” He twined his fingers with Aya’s. “I can’t promise that if I do run into Schwartz I won’t lose my cool. I’ll never forgive him for what he did to you or what Farfarello did to me but I suppose it’s fitting for this life. What are we without revenge to drive us? One day I hope that will change though.”

Aya lamented quietly on his words then gave a soft laugh. “I’ll be here… for you.” He finally said. “You took the time to break down my walls enough to get in so I guess you are stuck with me now.” He ran his fingers through the others hair. “I can’t promise where our paths will lead us but what is left of my cold heart belongs to you.” He closed his eyes feeling sleep start to creep up on him.

All the adrenaline of the day had started to wear off and Ken found himself having trouble keeping his eyes open. “I didn’t know you had it in you to be sweet.” The brunette commented a bit sarcastically. For now he was content as a man in his position could be. If this were going to be his last night he could think of no other place he would want to be than right here. He snuggled more closely to the redhead. “You’ll wake me if there is any news right?”

“I will.” Aya said resting his arms on the other’s back. He continued to stroke Ken’s skin until sleep took him.


	18. Chapter 18

The cold grey dawn made its appearance a few hours later, gently nudging Yohji awake. He had not slept well the night before mostly due to the floor and the state of discontent in his head. The blonde had also been restless waiting to hear back from Omi. The fact that he hadn’t called left a sour taste in Yohji’s mouth as he checked his phone. “No calls…Shit.” Yohji swore softly under his breath as he pushed himself up and stretched his stiff limbs. “Damnit Omi, don’t make me call you.” He grumbled and slouched his way into the kitchen looking for the coffee. Least he could do to fight off a not so great night of sleep.

Just as he was flicking on the coffee pot his phone vibrated next to his leg. Yohji fumbled the phone out of his pants, almost dropping it in the process. He flipped it open quickly trying to quell the bit of panic in his voice. “Omi? Please tell me you have good news?”

“Hospitalized but not dead.” Omi replied, though his voice sounded tired. Apparently he had been searching for clues as to Ken’s whereabouts all night. “I’ll be sending Birman by later today with a file for you and Ken. I’m sending you both to Europe. I know what you’re thinking but it’s not just because of Ken. Something big is going down over there.” The young man said softly. “I have two new recruits and I want Aya to keep an eye on them as well as work on a linked case over here.” Omi tapped the end of a pen on his desk. “Has Ken calmed down? Is everything alright over there?” 

Yohji let out a long sigh of relief. “It’s been quiet this morning so I assume the both of them are still asleep. I just got up and everything appears to be ok.” He busied himself with a cup of coffee for a minute. “That was quick.” He mused about the upcoming mission. “I’m gonna assume things are moving quicker than you anticipated.” His blonde eyebrows rose for an instant. “New recruits huh?” Yohji didn’t entirely like the sound of that but if they were gone and Aya needed backup… ”You’re gonna make Aya baby sit? I’m sure he’ll be thrilled about that.” The blonde took a drink of the dark roast Aya loved so well. “Hey, Omi, thanks for taking care of this. Why don’t you get some sleep?”

“I’m fine Yohji.” Omi gave a little laugh. “Yohji…thank you for being there when I couldn’t. I’ll talk to you later.” He smiled a little giving the other time to respond before hanging up. Yohji was right, he did need sleep. The exhaustion and worry were taking their toll. He was coming to find that caring for a team he had to send out into danger was getting to be complicated. The decisions he had made in the past year were tough ones and it didn’t look like they would be getting easier any time soon.

Yohji pocketed his phone and took another sip of coffee. He felt some of the tension ease out of his shoulders. Europe though? The blonde had never actually been overseas so despite the nature of the mission, whatever it may be, it could at least be an entertaining trip. Ken would be a handful but surely the trip would do him some good. It might give the two of them a chance to work out some of their own issues as well.

Aya’s eyes opened slowly, the aroma of coffee slowly stirring his senses awake. Glancing about he realized whose bed he was in and he turned his head to look at the sleeping man next to him. Perhaps he could get up without disturbing the other? He rolled cautiously and began to move the covers aside.

Ken wasn’t about to let the other escape. Even in his sleep his unconscious body reacted the moment Aya dared to move. One arm snaked around the redhead keeping him firmly locked in place. “mmmphft.” The brunette mumbled into Aya’s back as he tightly held on.

Aya let out a little bit of an annoyed laugh. “Ken, there is coffee out there and you wouldn’t want to keep me from it.” He said coolly trying to look over his shoulder at the brunette. But Ken felt warm and comfortable so after a moment he relaxed back down into the bed. “Guess you are going to be resistant to me getting up.” Despite his best efforts to be inconvenienced a bit of humor crinkled the corner of his eyes.

The brunette cracked one eye slowly open, the startling blue green iris glaring a bit at Aya. “This is much better than coffee.” For a moment the whole precariousness of his predicament had been forgotten. It almost seemed like any other morning over the past few months except they were in Ken’s bed instead of Aya’s. Most nights they had been sleeping together and in Aya’s room since he had the bigger bed.

Aya squirmed around to roll over and face him, sliding down a bit so he could nudge his head up under Ken’s chin. “I don’t fully agree it seems to be having the opposite effect. I’m going to end up falling back asleep.” He murmured, breath tickling at the others neck and chest. 

Ken hugged him tighter as the world slowly started to come into focus. “I suppose you’re right.” Normally Ken was an up at the crack of dawn sort of guy but today he felt like he could stay in bed forever. It took him a minute to figure out why. Once the realization hit him he squeezed his eyes shut tensing for a moment. Last night still wasn’t coming back to him. 

Yohji heard faint voices down at the end of the hall and decided to go be nosey. He figured they’d want to know anyway as soon as possible. Coffee in one hand he rapped the knuckles of his other on the slightly ajar door of Ken’s room. 

Aya felt Ken tense against him then reached up with one hand to tangle in his hair. “Don’t think about it Ken. You woke up alive. Right now that’s all you need to worry about.” He glanced behind him at the door hearing the knock. “Yeah?” Aya called out.

“All Clear.” Yohji leaned against the wall and took a drink. Being nosey was one thing but he didn’t exactly want to walk in on Ken and Aya in bed together. Those words spoke volumes though. “Coffee is on.” He turned and walked back down the hall letting the two of them have their moment of relief.

The brunette immediately relaxed but his heart was still pounding in his chest. He pulled Aya up so they were face to face and planted a big kiss on him. There was so much emotion in that kiss, all the relief just spilling out of him. He half wished Yohji wasn’t around, celebratory sex sounded like a fantastic idea. However the blonde was there and the walls were paper thin. He backed away from Aya for a second giving the other a chance to breathe. “I think you wanted coffee right?”

Aya nodded. “Good.” He barely managed to get a word out before Ken grabbed his face. His eyes closed as a deep seated tension finally released. After drawing back he looked Ken in the eyes. “Things turned out okay and yes I wanted coffee. Now I’m not sure coffee will suffice but it will have to do.” The redhead was very relieved there would be no blood shed today. 

Ken shoved Aya out of the bed. “Go get your damn coffee then.” He gave Aya a mock hurt look then flung back the covers and practically launched out of bed. Even though he felt much better there was still a heaviness weighing on his heart though. Last night’s little episode had not been a good thing. If he lost it again he might end up in a worse situation and he didn’t want to put any of them through that again. The medicine the doctors had given him to take didn’t seem to be working very well to keep his temper down. Maybe he needed to try something else? The brunette’s head swam with questions but when he looked up and saw Aya wearing his sleep pants suddenly nothing else mattered. “Hey...those are mine.”

Aya shrugged a little smiling at him a little. “They are but not right now. Right now they are mine.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’d dare you to get them back but I don’t think Yohji wants to hear that.” Aya stepped up and kissed him again then turned to pad out of the room and get some of that coffee.

He came into the kitchen getting himself a mug then looked to Yohji giving him a brief nod. “Hope you didn’t make it too strong.” He gestured to the cup. “Hopefully things calm down for a bit. I’m sure you’re tired of getting stuck in the middle of things.” He closed his eyes a moment taking a deep breath.

Heh, you wish.” Yohji was leaning against the counter watching the news on their small TV. “Omi is sending mission orders over for me and Ken today. Europe is happening sooner than expected.” He set his empty mug in the sink. “There are also two new recruits. Omi didn’t give me much info but you’re gonna be keeping an eye on them till Ken and I get back.” 

Ken fumbled about in his room for a bit finally deciding on some jeans and a sweatshirt. He could hear Yohji talking with Aya as he came down the hall. “There better be some of that coffee left for me.” He said, trying to make his voice sound cheerful. It sounded like he was doing a bad impression of Omi back at the old shop.

Aya sighed. “Great, since when did I become the one to learn things from?” He muttered into his cup before giving Ken a glance as he entered the room. “Guess I get to look after the new recruits while you two go play in Europe.” He sounded almost jealous as he went to go sit at the Kotasu. 

What? Already?” Ken looked a little disappointed. “That escalated quickly.” He poured the rest of the coffee in his cup and looked to Yohji. “I think I should probably apologize now...before we get on that plane.” The brunette swiveled to Aya. “Recruits? I’m starting to think Omi is trying to replace us.” He smiled a little though. “Hey after the night I had I think I can be a little on the optimistic sounding side.”

Yohji continued to stare at the TV his nose buried in the coffee cup. “Don’t apologize, Ken. That makes it sound like you’re gonna be trouble and I don’t want to have to deal with that in another country. Besides, you’ll already be totally cramping my style around the ladies. I don’t want them getting the wrong idea. I don’t care how much you’re missing this prick.” He nudged Aya’s back with his foot. “Hands off.”

Aya turned around in his chair. “Foot off.” He glared at Yohji. “Besides you aren’t pretty enough for Ken.” He couldn’t help but to smirk playfully at the blonde but his flat expression returned rather quickly. He looked up at Ken. “Well we are down one with Omi being gone, I guess we are getting two I think?” He glanced at Yohji for confirmation.

Yohji raised his eyebrows and tried not to smile back. Aya was definitely in a rare good mood. “Don’t insult my looks you freaky redheaded mutant.” He’d always wanted to pick on Aya for his odd coloring so he took the chance when he could. “Yeah, two. Other than that I don’t know squat. Omi sounded like he’d been up all night. Besides Birman is coming this afternoon with intel so I guess we just run the shop till then?”

Aya had been just relieved as hell that Ken hadn’t actually taken a life, he felt like he was on top of the world for it. “Whatever. I’m better looking.” He got up for a second cup, pouring himself some more and topping it with just a bit of cream and sugar. “Yeah we can do that.” He stood next to Ken. “Think you can keep up that optimism mask for a day of working in the shop?” 

The brunette eyed the redhead oddly watching him doctor his coffee. He must have been in a good mood. He’d only ever seen Aya drink his coffee black. “I can try.” Ken smiled. “I think maybe some actual breakfast might be in order first though. I don’t know how you two manage on coffee alone but I’ve gotta have some rice or something.”

“Sorry if the shops a bit of a mess.” Yohji tilted his head back. He’d been practically running the shop by himself while Aya had been missing and also trying to keep Ken in line. Not much work had gotten done really and the books were probably abysmal for the week but he had at least tried.

Aya nodded. “We’ll get it in order. I’ll run the numbers and see if we’re too far off.” He said sitting down with his coffee again. “Ken you are the one with the cooking hobby, you cook way better than Yohji and I. Why don’t you have at it?” His amethyst gaze trained on the brunette for a moment or two before he abandoned his coffee to go get dressed.

“Fine, fine. You two are just lazy is all. Anyone can learn to cook. Remember how bad I used to be?” He dove into the fridge and pulled out some miso paste. In no time he’d fixed a simple breakfast of rice and miso soup. It felt good to sit down to breakfast together like back at the old shop. 

The year after the fall of the tower had certainly been full of crazy ups and downs. If Ken could manage to keep his nose clean in Europe and if Schwartz didn’t show back up things might not turn out too badly. There were definitely some changes about to happen and with Omi now slowly adjusting to the role of Persia they would certainly need those two new members. Each had chosen this path for their own reasons and now they stayed for completely different ones.


End file.
